Spouses

[Susiq]

Anyone have a less than supportive husband?

I've brought it up several times but he thinks I don't need it and there are other options I should consider...... argh!

How did you convince your spouse that it was the right choice?

[Pam G]

It's easier to ask for forgiveness, than for permission.

[Susiq]

I often operate under this theory. GMTA lol

[Sarcastic_Bard]

My husband wasn't too supportive at first. I had to have a long talk and hash it out with him. That's when I discovered that his reluctance to offer support was not so much that he thought I didn't need it; he was actually terrified of me going under the knife especially since it was my first surgery. I had him go with me to an informational seminar and a few appointments to talk with the surgeon and he felt so much better. He was a lot more supportive after he got more educated on the subject.

[Pam G]

My husband wasn't too supportive at first. I had to have a long talk and hash it out with him. That's when I discovered that his reluctance to offer support was not so much that he thought I didn't need it; he was actually terrified of me going under the knife especially since it was my first surgery. I had him go with me to an informational seminar and a few appointments to talk with the surgeon and he felt so much better. He was a lot more supportive after he got more educated on the subject.

my husband was the same way when I told him I wanted a home birth! but once he met the nurse midwife, he was sold!

[VeryLargeBob]

One of the biggest unexpected surprises I've seen since I've been posting on this forum is how many marriages/relationships absolutely fall apart post-surgery. Men and women. I think a lot of spouses feel threatened at the "new you"....The spouse feels "threatened" by your weight loss and cannot cope. "She/He is so large, she/he HAS to stay with me, no one else would have her!"

[Pam G]

One of the biggest unexpected surprises I've seen since I've been posting on this forum is how many marriages/relationships absolutely fall apart post-surgery. Men and women. I think a lot of spouses feel threatened at the "new you"....The spouse feels "threatened" by your weight loss and cannot cope. "She/He is so large, she/he HAS to stay with me, no one else would have her!"

either that or the person that lost the wt gains confidence and wonders why the hell they're wasting their time with their loser spouse! lol

[Susiq]

From what my hubs said in the brief convo was he thought I was jumping the gun so to speak by going "straight to surgery" I am sure he doesnt want me to have it bc of concern for my safety bc there are alwys risk with syrgery. I should try ANOTHER diet or some other way medically. I disagree, I have been overweight ALL MY ADULT life. I am sure this is true for many. I know it will still require effort and a change of life style BUT I am hoping I wont be so hungry all the time and it will be easier to stay with it. Plus I wont have to take these rotten bp meds that sap my will to do ANYTHING.
I'm just disappointed that he wasmore supportive at the start.

[sraebaer]

My husband was nothing short of amazing. He was thrilled with my decision, he took care of me home from the hospital (had to give me those yucky shots), never ate in front of me when I was on that liquid phase, did it all. To this day he's my gourmet cook, always following our self imposed rule of 2, a protein and veggie. I eat like a queen. He works out with me. He takes me on ski trips in the winter and hiking trips in the summer. He is not critical, but will say stuff like, "Why are you snacking, I'm cooking dinner!" He doesn't complain about my closet full of new clothes. He's always complimenting me. Life is good!

[Ann2]

I'mma say something true: Those who have supportive family systems are more successful long-term.

I didn't make that up. A whole lotta research finds that to be a strong correlative factor in long-term success.

So if you want a WLS-supportive spouse (and you'll need one!), you need to turn him into one.

Chances are he's just hugely ignorant about twelve-hundred topics related to WLS, including:

* What causes obesity and what are the factors that KEEP an obese person obese?
* What's life for a sleeved patient one, two, three years down the line?
* What happens during sleeve surgery?
* What are the actual odds that you'll have a surgical complication? What kinds of complications occur?
* What will happen to you if you DON'T lose the weight and keep it off?
* How likely are you to lose weight and keep it off if you don't have WLS?
* What behaviors is he engaging in that are going to sabotage you, which he needs to change.
* What are his own fears about your becoming slimmer and healthier?
* How could his own life be better if you become slimmer and healthier?

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I would recommend you:
* Take him to a one-on-one consultation with your surgeon.
* Take him with you to the day-long training session that all US-based patients have to go through -- pre-, post- instructions, basic nutrition, basic behavioral changes needed, etc.
* Invite him to support groups for WLS patients (there might even be one in your area for WLS patients' spouses).

And seriously, seriously, seriously consider getting into one-on-one therapy yourself. You're going to go through tons of changes as a result of your surgery. Success through WLS is NOT just about changing your gastrointestinal plumbing. It's about changing the way you think, some aspects of your own personal value system, and how you behave every day for the rest of your life.

Very, very best to you.

[Susiq]

I am going to have him come with me to my appt's ect ect. I'm sure it will all work out. I was just disappointed by his response after I brought it up and asked him to read about the procedure.

[americangrrl]

when I first mentioned it to my very protective husband, his first reaction was no....but that was due to the fact that I wanted to go to Mexico cuz my insurance has a bariatric exclusion... I convinced him there was no other way to possibly ever afford it in the US...he listened and came around I saved my money and did what I needed to do.. I did tons and tons of research.... I was not going to b talked out of it and he knew it... fortunately, all went well.... things are great and he is proud of me for doing what I needed to do to make necessary changes... good luck with urs he will come around too...

[Pam G]

I'mma say something true: Those who have supportive family systems are more successful long-term.

I didn't make that up. A whole lotta research finds that to be a strong correlative factor in long-term success.

So if you want a WLS-supportive spouse (and you'll need one!), you need to turn him into one.

Chances are he's just hugely ignorant about twelve-hundred topics related to WLS, including:

* What causes obesity and what are the factors that KEEP an obese person obese?
* What's life for a sleeved patient one, two, three years down the line?
* What happens during sleeve surgery?
* What are the actual odds that you'll have a surgical complication? What kinds of complications occur?
* What will happen to you if you DON'T lose the weight and keep it off?
* How likely are you to lose weight and keep it off if you don't have WLS?
* What behaviors is he engaging in that are going to sabotage you, which he needs to change.
* What are his own fears about your becoming slimmer and healthier?
* How could his own life be better if you become slimmer and healthier?

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I would recommend you:
* Take him to a one-on-one consultation with your surgeon.
* Take him with you to the day-long training session that all US-based patients have to go through -- pre-, post- instructions, basic nutrition, basic behavioral changes needed, etc.
* Invite him to support groups for WLS patients (there might even be one in your area for WLS patients' spouses).

And seriously, seriously, seriously consider getting into one-on-one therapy yourself. You're going to go through tons of changes as a result of your surgery. Success through WLS is NOT just about changing your gastrointestinal plumbing. It's about changing the way you think, some aspects of your own personal value system, and how you behave every day for the rest of your life.

Very, very best to you.

I didn't have to go to a day long training session. Just FYI

[Pam G]

I didn't tell my husband beforehand. He would have forbidden it. I had my adult daughter go with me and I spent the night before surgery at her house.

He figured it out, though, but by then it was too late....the deed was done! ha!

[conder.sc]

It's great that you have a supportive spouse. Mine is as well, and he's a chef!