Struggling

[Katrina]

I'll try to keep this as brief as my rambling self can, but emotions and stress are flying off the charts high.

I was in the hospital for the first four days of this month with, if the doctor is to be believed, twisted intestines. My mother had VSG on the 11th of the month. Now the biggest stressor of all... my grandson was due December 20th. He was born August 20th at only 22 weeks and 1 day gestation and at a whopping 1lb 1oz. He was born alive and breathing...a true miracle! 22 weekers have just a 0-10% chance of surviving. So far Maddox Kyson is doing amazingly well.

Yesterday while sitting with my family in the hospital cafeteria, I made mention to my mother that I was somewhat concerned about my weight and the fact that it continues to drop. She literally said "oh bullshit, you're not too skinny. You need to weigh 100 pounds." I'm 5'4" and 115 today. You can see and count my breast bones now. Granted, they aren't sickeningly poking out yet, but they're there to see. This woman, my mother, as she sits 11 days post op from her own VSG is eating chili cheese fries and onion rings, is obviously bat shit crazy!! Yep, same woman I desperately tried to convince this surgery was no picnic (ha) and who very snidely assured me she'd have no problem laying down the fork is already breaking every rule known to vsg surgery. The same woman that thinks I need to weigh 100 pounds and has on numerous occasions told me I'm going to gain all my weight back. What the actual f*ck!?

Seriously, is it any wonder I'm a mess? I should have a therapist on speed dial!

Here's some really interesting information about Maddox's mom: she had gastric bypass in May of last year. Four weeks ago her doctors were adamant that it was safe for her to have her gall bladder removed during her second trimester. I was furious and every fiber of my being told me this was wrong. She had it done anyway. They also repaired a hernia while in there. 5 days later she wasn't getting any better. We rushed her back to the hospital where they found fluid around her liver. They let her sit for 3 more days doing nothing before they finally opened her back up to discover there was an injury to one of her bile ducts. They repaired that. She started feeling better. Then within 2 weeks on the 19th (her 21st birthday) she started hurting and lost her mucus plug. Called doctor, and he said he'd like to see her the following day. By 3 am she was rushed to the hospital where they found her fully dilated and baby hanging out. Shortly thereafter her water ruptured, and the knocked her out immediately for an emergency c-section. Nothing in this world can convince me that it is only a coincidence that Maddox was born after the trauma his mama suffered from those surgeries. I 100% believe the doctors failed her and the baby, and now he is fighting for his life. He's fighting so hard, and doing such an incredible job, but it shouldn't have happened.

Ok, I'm crying. I'm stressed. That was a ton of personal information. Sorry, but you guys are the best for letting me vent, and I always feel so much better afterwards. Now time to get myself together so I can get dressed and go spend the day in the NICU with my tiny fighter.

[Katrina]

May I just add the rotten cherry on top?
Also found out that my stepdaughter's thyroid cancer has returned for the third time since September. She's also pregnant. She isn't due until March, and is choosing to forego treatment until baby's birth. This is a huge blow to us, and we find her decision to be a terrible one. Her cancer has proven time and again to be very aggressive. My heart is being broken at every turn.

[Sheilawillwin]

I haven't posted In a while myself just lazy I guess, but your story is so moving, I will Def be praying for you and ur family. You are right sounds to me, it often seems we are better at own bodies anyway. You are under horrible stress, I know u are not eating right, and no one cld blame you, but hv u had a moment to let Doc know and hv to take care of ur self, also, it's hrd when u hv so many obstacles in the way. Your future is uncertain but plz be careful sweetheart.That beautiful baby needs u around to keep everyone else in line! Lol Thnx Sheila

[Ann2]

Katrina, I second Sheila's motion.

Having been through "perfect storms" of family health and craziness (most of us have had times like that) this one thing I know is true: I can't change others' decisions, actions or feelings. I can control my decisions, my actions and, to some extent, my feelings. That is all. You're the only person who can care for yourself. And you need and deserve your own self-care right now. You're going to have to let something else go.

Very best to you and yours.

[Mrssimpson]

Here is my 1 lb 3 oz premie. image.jpg

[Catlover]

What Sheila and Ann2 said!! Your in my prayers!!

[Poji]

Wow! I am so sorry you are being faced with so many heart-wrenching situations, most out of your control. However, tell your mom to shut the hell up! What a mean person she is! I would distance myself from her...If you have to be in the same place, at the same time, I'd not engage with her...Set your boundaries...I am so sorry xo

[sherrie70403]

Wow, I can feel the stress you are going through right now. Will pray for you and your family.

[Grace]

Hi - Sure sounds like your mother is expecting you to be the weight she wishes she could be. 5'4" and 100 lbs sounds dangerously thin to me! In fact using a bmi calc says exactly that, you are just barely normal weight now, less and you get to "underweight".
She also may live to really regret those greasy foods. I don't even know how she is getting them down! Most of us can't manage more than yogurt at 11 days. Bizarre. But for whatever reason she is choosing to put you down and you dont have to let her do it. Just walk away, hang up the phone, etc. You have enough to deal with right now.
Praying for little Maddox and his parents, and ITA on the docs. I am sure he will need special care and a lawyer might be an option soon that is a necessity.
RE your stepdaughter... only she can make that decision and I hope she has a very supportive partner to take care of the baby if she cannot. This is one of those times that emotions can't be measured. Perhaps her gyno and oncologist can come together to be sure her decision is a sound one, especially if she has other kids.
Sending positive energy your way, hoping the clouds begin to clear.
PS, keep up your strength, you will need it for yourself and everyone else.

[chrissy58]

hello. I am truly sorry for all of your troubles and am praying for you. my best friend delivered her baby at 23 weeks; also 1 pound 1 ounce. NICU is a wonderful place for these children. She is now a 30 year old mother of 2 and a school teacher. Take a deep breath and just do one day at a time. Christine

[dbcassidy]

I will be sending prayers your way. I agree with Ann and Chrissy. You need to take it one day at a time.

[carla3]

OMG Mrs Simpson, I know the word says God will not put more on us than we can bear, but I swear you are there! My heart goes out to you and your family. I agree with the others, you have to take care of yourself first, then you have to stay clear of that negative crap that is spewing from the mouth of that person, it doesn't matter who she is. Prayers and thoughts with you, and may you all overcome.