It Isn't Overnight People

[DebDeb]

Very well said Blondena and the very best of luck with your surgery

[niamh]

In my experience of watching people over a period of 2 years (2nd anniversary of sleeve surgery tomorrow), the people who seem to do the best with adjusting to life after the sleeve are people who don't allow themselves to be caught up in unrealistic expectations, and/or complaining about things outside of their control.

If you want to vent rather than reflect - if you want to complain about the surgery not working fast enough for you rather than just acknowledging and dealing with your frustration (which is the actual problem - not the slow loss), then you're in for a shitty ride, and I believe you'll do less well in adjusting to a new and healthier relationship with food and with your own body.

So by all means share your fears and your frustrations but acknowledge that the problem to be dealt with in that case is your feelings - it's really not about doing some magical thing to break a stall or kickstart greater weight loss (assuming as others have said above you are predominantly complying).

A lot of us got fat in the first place by not taking responsibility for ourselves well. I think you should challenge yourself not to do that in relation to managing your post-surgery reactions.

I had a gorgeous dress and an event to go to about 5-6 weeks after surgery. I didn't lose enough to fit into it. Then by the time I had another event to go to where it would have been appropriate, the dress was too big. I tried that dress on every few days in the lead up to the event, and I did feel grumpy at times that I wasn't going to get the opportunity to wear it. But I didn't post about it on here because I didn't think it was helpful to focus on what were essentially petulant feelings.

I rarely post on here any more, and it's definitely in part because I got sick of posts about stalls and rate of loss which were based on unrealistic expectations.

Taking responsibility for ourselves should be the main focus of life after the sleeve - not the scales.

[niamh]

Sorry I tried to edit my post above but the edit function doesn't seeem to be working on my laptop.

I agree this is a support site as well. Supporting people who are doing something unhelpful to themselves can mean confronting them quite directly. Therefore, the original post on here, and my response as well can be viewed as being supportive. It might not be comfortable, but if it challenges people to consider a different perspective, then it might be the most helpful thing for them to hear.

[brownas5]

I didn't say slow losers eat a gallon of ice cream. I said if you are following the rules (as opposed to eating a gallon of ice cream), you WILL lose weight. I am not fat shaming anyone, as I have been fat for most of my life. But you're right, maybe it is time for me to move on.

Heck no! I don't think you should let anyone run you away from anything! I agree with your original post while I understand the other side as well. But at the end of the day you stated your opinion so own it! If people don't like they don't have to read the same way you are told not to read theirs. Vent people please do BUT try to be realistic at the same time. That's the way I see it.

[Ann2]

Thank you so much, Niamh, for your post and your opinion. I value highly your take on these issues, given your profession.

[brownas5]

Sorry I tried to edit my post above but the edit function doesn't seeem to be working on my laptop.

I agree this is a support site as well. Supporting people who are doing something unhelpful to themselves can mean confronting them quite directly. Therefore, the original post on here, and my response as well can be viewed as being supportive. It might not be comfortable, but if it challenges people to consider a different perspective, then it might be the most helpful thing for them to hear.

Omg I freaking love this post! You took the words right out of my mouth! Sometimes the truth hurts but in the end you will grow from it. Hell, the complaints were starting to me anxious and I haven't even had the surgery yet. Lol

[sraebaer]

I am "over the mountains" happy with my past year of becoming a regular sized person. I'm the puppies and rainbow, throw glitter and confetti all over everyone excited about the sleeve. All I was trying to say in this original post was you WILL lose weight, stop whining and stressing about it. Enjoy the ride. Your positive attitude will take you far in this journey. But if you want to whine, that's your right, go for it. But I refuse to let you bring me down.

[Lee6Lee]

Because it's a free country, with freedom of speech, we should follow suit and let people write whatever they want. We don't have to listen. Someone else will respond. It's usually the younger set that gets frustrated with their rate of loss or whatever. But I don't understand how some people don't lose on the low calories they consume. It's impossible. The poor people in the concentration camps lost. I think starvation mode is a myth. And when some people don't lose, they're probably eating too much or the wrong things. The sleeve can't be blamed. My neighbor has an over abundance of tomatoes, if anyone wants to throw some at me. These are just my honest thoughts.

[Aquajog]

I am 7 months post -op.. Before my surgery , even at my WLS orientation we heard how much weight you "will loss " with this surgery .
I was excited just thinking of the weight dropping off so fast .. Heck some people lost 30, 40 even 50 lbs in the first month!
No where did I read I lost "2 lbs a week". Or "10 lbs my first month."
Those were my numbers . ... So when posting those numbers not whining but really wondering if I was doing something wrong .. Looking for suggestions from those who lost more ...
My average weight loss from day one until just over 6 months was 2 lbs a week .
Never a stall or a week of much hight loss..
I did most everything by the book as far as eating and drinking ,added more activity along the way..
Still 2 lbs a week .. Now 7 months and 60 lbs loss I feel great about my loss but at first I could not understand why I was not losing the pounds like I thought I would ..
Asking questions and voicing my fear helped me a lot... So if you see a post with somebody saying "I only lost ".
Just pass it up if you find it annoying ... I do think everybody should fill comfortable posting what they "need" to post ..

[Chunky]

This is me too. Almost exact. I lose about 2 pounds a week.

At first I was a little bummed as I had grandeous expectations. But now that I'm about 9 weeks out/2 months out, I feel so differently.

My current attitude is that as long as I feel great and the scale heads the right way, I'm thrilled. It's not a race, and I already look in the mirror and smile.

Yes, I may not have dropped multiple sizes or lost crazy amounts, but I'm exercising, eating healthy, and I am losing. Pre-surgery I could not lose. And that was on 1200-1400 cal a day and spinning an hour 3-5 days a week. So really, how could I not be thrilled.

Last night I was out at a steakhouse. Surf and turf was on special. I shared with my daughter. I ate an ounce of steak (1st since surgery) and 1-2 ounces of lobster. It was divine! And while everyone, including my kid ate far more than me, I was 100% satisfied. I didn't feel deprived in any way.

That's something to celebrate.

I am 7 months post -op.. Before my surgery , even at my WLS orientation we heard how much weight you "will loss " with this surgery .
I was excited just thinking of the weight dropping off so fast .. Heck some people lost 30, 40 even 50 lbs in the first month!
No where did I read I lost "2 lbs a week". Or "10 lbs my first month."
Those were my numbers . ... So when posting those numbers not whining but really wondering if I was doing something wrong .. Looking for suggestions from those who lost more ...
My average weight loss from day one until just over 6 months was 2 lbs a week .
Never a stall or a week of much hight loss..
I did most everything by the book as far as eating and drinking ,added more activity along the way..
Still 2 lbs a week .. Now 7 months and 60 lbs loss I feel great about my loss but at first I could not understand why I was not losing the pounds like I thought I would ..
Asking questions and voicing my fear helped me a lot... So if you see a post with somebody saying "I only lost ".
Just pass it up if you find it annoying ... I do think everybody should fill comfortable posting what they "need" to post ..

[niamh]

But I don't understand how some people don't lose on the low calories they consume. It's impossible. The poor people in the concentration camps lost. I think starvation mode is a myth. And when some people don't lose, they're probably eating too much or the wrong things. .

People do lose on the low calories they are consuming. A stall on the scales doesn't mean you're not losing weight - an inconsistent rate of loss on the scales doesn't mean you're not losing. I don't know anyone on here who has stopped at the third week stall and never lost again.

Comparisons with people in concentration camps is limited in usefulness. They weren't carrying around huge amounts of excess weight to begin with so loss of weight got them very underweight. We don't know how long it took and we don't know if they had stalls - let's assume they weren't jumping on the scales hoping to lose a few pounds. Many of them were there for years and years - if our calorie intake was kept at the very low level it is at the beginning of post-surgery for years we would eventually get underweight. Most people here end up at at least the 1000 calorie level and are encouraged to do so. Most of us also aren't being required to do some bloody awful physical labour all day either burning up huge amounts of calories.

And the final thing is that there is research that shows that people who have been obese and lose weight do have different metabolic reactions than normal weight people. Their bodies tend to require less calories to maintain weight, and actively fight losing weight. It's a pain in the arse but there it is. And even without that factor - people are different from one another and will lose weight differently.

[Joe Poppa]

The poor people in the concentration camps lost.

Ouch! I know no offense was meant by this, but some of those people were not-so-distant relatives of mine.

[Lee6Lee]

Joe Poppa, I'm so sorry for the thoughtless analogy!

[Grace]

Most of the vets on WLS forums say they eventually quit posting because they get tired of answering the same old posts over and over and listening to newbies whine. And I totally get that.

But I really, really, really hope you don't pack it up. I love your posts. All of them.

I'm a vet as it were. I have health issues, some caused by the sleeve, that have made it difficult for me to have enough energy to be here - as I'm on another site for chronic illness as well. I never thought newbies whined. I GET the various stages of this process.
1. presurg - scared - trying to lose weight preop and feeling like it's just never going to happen and if I can't manage to eat this little now what the heck will happen after surgery? These folks need reassurance.
2. Newly post surg - scared still - often there's physical and emotional pain....buyers remorse, fear of dying due to lack of hydration, flat out annoyance that a tablespoon of food makes their stomach hurt so badly and all we want in the world is to just drink a chug of water and eat a dang salad... these folks need reassurance.
3. Rapid weight loss stage - weight is falling off, until it doesn't ..there's a stall and the old fears come rushing in. That adrenaline high from seeing the scale move almost daily is there, woohoo! but then a stall hits and it's really scary due to old messages we wonder what the hell we are doing wrong?...these folks need reassurance.
4. Mellow weight loss stage - the most frustrating time. Things have slowed down, often way before we wish they would have. "I haven't gotten to goal!, this can't happen yet!" or skin is hanging, gallbladders are messed up, sex lives stink, relationships may tank, that adrenaline rush that took over for the food rush is gone and there's, well, nothing to replace it...unless they've turned into exercise folks (goddess bless the exercise folks for they shall keep their adrenaline high and likely be the most successful)...but so many of us here got here too late to become exercise folks. For us it's then about pushing, dieting, wondering WHY even when we eat 800 calories nothing moves on that blasted scale.
5. sleeve magic gone stage - This is the most crucial time as well for the future. This is when those of us who have insulin resistance, or other health issues need to work on acceptance. Perhaps, just perhaps, having dropped 80% of what we wanted to drop is enough. Perhaps it's all our bodies, our psyches, our spirits can handle. I truly believe the worst error we can make through this whole process, especially if we start at a morbidly obese place, say over 275 for a woman and over 300 for a man - is to even think we can get to some arbitrary skinny weight and look just like we did at age 20 and 140 lbs. Can it be done by some? sure, with luck, exercise and skin removal surgery. But for most of us middle aged female (sorry guys you are just plain different!) folk, it's just not going to happen.
So, we get depressed, hate ourselves for yet another failure and do the one thing that is the most damaging - we say F it and just eat because eating is the one that that made us feel better in the past. And instead of being freaking thrilled that we did lose (in my case) 120 lbs...we can only see that we didn't lose 140 lbs and that abject failure ends up with us back in weight gain. Sometimes we're lucky, catch ourselves and stop. And then we realize the horrible, horrible fact that losing weight with a mature sleeve is no easier than losing weight without weight loss surgery.
Therefore my "veteran" advise goes like this:
Follow your doc's advise.
If you have your gallbladder and they don't offer you the meds to help you not get stones - ask for them!
Don't sweat the small stuff - weigh everyday if you must to keep yourself on track but only write it down weekly so you can see a trend not little ups and downs.
Buy yourself one new piece of clothes for every size, even if it's just a pair of jeans, you deserve it.
Don't trade one addiction for another (food for alcohol, especially) and if you must, try to make it exercise.
Expect an emotional roller coaster ride. Your hormones get messed up with this surgery and it takes a long time for them to smooth out.
Never made a major life decision during the first 6 months, see above hormones issue.
When you get to 9 months or so out and the weight loss trickles to a stop... look at your before pics. Look at your measurements. Before you call yourself a failure and head down the emotional road to ruin - stop...think...feel. Your body is not a machine. It is a perfect vessel for your spirit, it always was. If it ends up that for whatever reason you must accept being a size larger than you HOPED you would be....so freaking WHAT!? You did what you could. You gave it your all. This is what you are and you will be FAR healthier accepting that, than committing emotional suicide by hating yourself for not getting to some arbitrary number.
Chances are pretty good that you look more terrific than you can tell because your brain hasn't caught up to your body. In fact it may take another year for it to do so..... so chill... maintain by learning life long maintenance habits.... and don't sabotage yourself..love yourself. Even if you can't have skin surgery and things that should be up are way too far down. I promise you, gaining weight back will not lift them back up. so, accept.... and love yourself.
Ride the ride but keep your emotional self in check as much as you are able. and remember that fat or fit, loving yourself is the largest part of this equation because without that, you might as well just skip it all.

My start weight 335, 9 mo out 218 (117 lbs) then gallbladder issues for 9 months, chronic gastritis (still), post bariatric reactive hypoglycemia (permanent), body hate, self hate, weight gain (up to 260), weight loss and a current weight of 248 (for 6 mo now) at 3 yrs out. Weight loss 87 lbs or 46% of excess weight. You know, even now I don't see the 86 lbs lost part of that statement. All I see is the 248 and have to really fight to not hate myself.
I think the most lacking part of this whole process is that ins companies don't insist and pay for professional weight loss specific psych help for the entire first year. If we can't change our brains, we can't ever hope to truly be at peace with our bodies.

Newbies are here because they need reassurance. Some of us remember the emotions from early on and can give it. Some of us cannot.
Additionally, men (in general, there are always exceptions) and women have very different experiences on this journey because our life journeys and reasons we gained weight are different in the first place...then there are hormones, etc, etc. sometimes I have thought there should be two different sites, one for the women and one for the men because it's a mars/venus thing....

Ok, I'm utterly exhausted now. Back to bed.

[brownas5]

This is not in any way to be condescending but I just may be reading all the bad posts lol and not enough good because alot of the forums are sorta discouraging. And while I feel being prepared is knowing the good and bad, sometimes it just seems like more bad than good on this site. Then again like I said, I may just be reading more bad than good posts. (Shrugs)