Today is my 2 year anniversary. Life is SO DIFFERENT!

[jessiejess]

I can't believe today is my two year anniversary date of the day that changed my life. It's like my second birthday, only it happened when I was 40. I'm a totally different person. I mean, I'm still the same me but I feel free and happy and passionate and beautiful and confident - all of the things I never felt in my former body. I say former body because I really do feel like I live in a new body. It's hard to imagine still living the way I was. I felt trapped. I was sad. I hated myself and never wanted to go anywhere because I always felt like the fattest girl in the room. When people looked at me, I just knew they were thinking about how fat and gross I was. I didn't realize how self loathing I was until I wasn't anymore. I actually thought I was happy back then. I just didn't know what happiness, meaning happiness with myself, really was. For those on this journey, I want to share with you how different things are for me as a thin person. I still can't believe that I am a thin person. Wow. I don't think I'll ever truly believe that. There are things that are different that I STILL come across that I had no idea COULD be different. SO here we go:

I miss NSV's. I miss the journey and the victories. I miss the feelings of accomplishment when I'd lose or lift more or wear a smaller size. I still have NSV's but they aren't the same. They're just normal now. So, the "high" of the journey is gone and I miss it. That's something I didn't realize would happen.

My kids are proud of me. They love to show me off to their friends. I'm the cool mom. And I'm okay with that. Before, I would have not wanted to be shown to anyone. I remember my son once being hurt that a kid said I was fat. Well, he doesn't have to worry about kids making fun of me and hurting him with it anymore. He calls me his "mini mama" and they are both so proud of me. They drag their friends in to meet me all the time and they are 12. They should be wanting nothing to do with me by now. I love it!! I love that I'm a good example for my children.

I worry about gaining weight back, but since I lost so much, I know that will never happen because I am strong and I WON'T let it happen again. I control myself. That is all. So I control this. Period. Food will never control me again and I know that for a fact.

I choose the smallest stall in the bathroom - because I can. I no longer feel dread when the handicap stall is taken because I'm too big for the regular sized stalls.

I can completely cross my legs for hours. I can cross them and wrap my ankle around my calf! I can cross them under any table or desk, even in a car or a restaurant booth.

I park as far away from doors as possible because I enjoy the walk into the store. And if someone is parked too close to me, I know I can squeeze in the car - unless they are a total asshole and their mirror is practically touching mine.

My posture is so much better. And when I sit up straight, my stomach isn't sitting on my thighs. It's flat. I have a real torso!

I can see my sternum, my ribs, and my vertebrae but not in a gross way. I have collar bones. My shoulders are defined and my hip bones are prominent, as well as a jaw bone and cheek bones. I forgot there were bones under all that fat.

I love to work out. It changed my body and my life.

I have energy. ENERGY. LIKE REAL ENERGY! Not the kind you get from coffee or diet pills.

I'm not in pain. At all. (Except the broken ankle). My knees don't hurt all the time, my thighs aren't chafed from rubbing together, my ankles don't swell, my feet don't ache. I can walk up flights of stairs without my knees aching, crackling, and hurting. My back doesn't hurt. Nothing. No joint or foot pain.

I can wear whatever I want, and I do. And I feel cute doing it.

This one is still strange to me - I get a lot of attention from people. Sometimes I feel WAY to visible. Other times I like it. It just depends on how people look at me. But people treat me completely different. They are much more friendly and often seek me out for friendship. This both pisses me off and makes me feel proud. BUT it's just the way it is. I carried myself differently before. People are attracted to confidence and I've got tons of that now.

This one shocked me - and I just experienced it over the last month. I went to the doctor as a new patient. As soon as I saw the scale, I became filled with dread (habit), but we kept walking. And they walked me right past the scale!! When the nurse got me in the room, she said "How much do you weigh?". That was it. Since then, I've been to two doctors and they both did the same thing. Walked right by the scale and asked me how much I weigh. Now, what kind of bs is that??? That one I thought was kind of crappy. I used to be forced to weigh and feel bad about myself over that number just because I was overweight? And now that I'm "tiny" they just walk right by it? Wow. Total BS.

I no longer have the same friends. Some of them got jealous and catty when I was no longer the fat girl in the group. When my confidence soared and I started getting more attention, they got very jealous and started bad mouthing me behind my back. I'm confident, but I'm not conceited. I don't rub anything in anyone's face. I've just started getting more attention and I dress differently, but I'm still me. I just love me now. I don't let people push me around or walk all over me. I'm strong now. Other friends, the real ones, were happy for me and some actually got WLS too. I still have those friends and feel so honored to be their inspiration. There are no words to describe that feeling.

I have so many new friends. They don't know the unhappy, tired, overweight, insecure me. Few have seen pictures and don't even recognize the pics as me. I have to tell them who it is. They are so proud of me.

Again with the friends: I've had problems with "fake friends". These are the friends who want to use you for something and behind the scenes are jealous schemers. I unfortunately mistook them for real friends but was happy to let them go when I found out the truth - because I know I'll just make more friends. It hurt though at first. I didn't realize how ugly people can really be and how easy it is to get sucked in by toxic people. I've been told it's because I'm too nice. I'm just that way though. I was never rude before and I'm not rude now. But I guess I am supposed to learn to be. I'm just very guarded now toward people who seem to REALLY want to be my friend.

OMG the sex drive! And WHEW!! It's SO much better. *clears throat* There's not fat in the way now. Everything is much less difficult and this is also where more energy is a good thing. That's all I will say about that. But it's definitely something to look forward to.

People say I'm tiny. I think they're nuts. But they say I'm tiny.

OMG THE SHOES! They don't hurt my feet. I can wear heels as high as I want and they don't hurt. My foot has shrunken from an 8 1/2 to a 7 so I've had to buy all new shoes. Darn the luck. (that's sarcasm).

I can order clothes online because I know what size I am, I am proportionate to that size, and I know stuff will fit. Being able to order clothes online is very dangerous for the wallet!! I used to walk by all the stores on my way to Lane Bryant and Torrid (my walk of shame) WISHING I could walk in the regular stores without being humiliated and ignored by the sales people. I wanted to dress in those cute clothes so badly. Now I wear stuff to accentuate my body, not hide it. I mean, I actually have pants in different colors, not just black!!

So those are things that are different in my new life. I'm sure there are tons more but these are the ones that I notice most. Some are good, some are bad. But overall, it's ALL good for me now because I'm truly happy with myself and love myself. I did this for myself and my family. I'm a better mom, wife, and person in general because of it. So, happy sleeviversary to me!!

[Teriona]

Thank you for taking sooooooo much time to give such a great update on your journey. It means a lot to me personally that you give so much details of how positive this can be in so many different ways. Thank you. I have been struggling with the decision to have the surgery done. I keep coming back and reading success stories after success stories but yours did it for me. I can relate to so many of the things you wrote about including the asthma and just not wanting to do anything because of the struggle with just finding something to wear or to be seen. I am have made up my mind to go do the surgery and I must say thank you! God bless you and stay strong. I will keep you posted

[kenson]

Congratulations! You look amazing!

[stacydev]

Amazing transformation! When did you get to your final weight? How much do you let it fluctuate or does it stay pretty stable? When you got closer to the 131; how much weight were you losing in a month?

[Kysunshine]

WOW......Congratulations!!! Thanks for sharing!

[Cindyb02]

Thanks for sharing and Congratulations you look great! I am having my surgery Wednesday 11/18 and I am nervous and excited and hoping I am doing the right thing. After reading your post I am now sure this is the right thing!

[Lynda_Honey]

This is so inspiring, thank you for this well documented update. You're giving us all the confidence to keep going and I hope we all can have your success. If you wouldn't mind, would you quickly share what a typical days diet/meals are? I think some of us are unsure of what is in our future once we reach our goals.
Cheers to your success and happiness!

[cathbas]

Thank you for your post!!

[Kindle]

Thanks for sharing. I'm just shy of two years and our NSVs are so similar. I LOVE crossing my legs. And not being in pain. And I park really far from the store entrances, too congrats!

[jessiejess]

@ Teriona: You've given me the indescribable feeling again. I feel so honored to be an inspiration to you and to help you make the decision start a new, healthy life. Please know the road you are about to travel is not easy. It takes hard work and dedication, but it's the most rewarding thing I've ever done for myself. You will experience life as LIVING. I'm not just living more, I'm ALIVE and you'll know what that means when you're free of everything holding you back from feeling good, strong, and healthy. I want to help people through their journeys now because I looked to this board for answers, motivation, and inspiration. I wouldn't have learned nearly as much or been nearly as successful had it not been for the wonderful people on this site. Reading these posts let me know I wasn't alone in my fears and that other people felt just like I did and had the same life stories to tell about shame and insecurity. And I also saw that it really is possible to go from fat to freedom. What had always been my elusive dream is now my life. You'll know that feeling soon. I am so happy for you. Much love to you!! You're in for quite a ride.

[jessiejess]

Amazing transformation! When did you get to your final weight? How much do you let it fluctuate or does it stay pretty stable? When you got closer to the 131; how much weight were you losing in a month?

Thank you! I reached my goal weight of 160 in May 2014. I wasn't trying to lose weight but I kept losing until just recently. I got to 130 but it was too thin. I broke my foot on October 5th so I've been very sedentary and I've gained but I know I'll lose it once I'm back in the gym. I like to be at 135-140. That's my window. This morning I'm at 143 but I can tell I'm retaining water. Just two days ago I was at 138, so it bounces around. As long as I can get right back at about 138 and stay there, I'm good. As far as how much I was losing a month, it is really hard for me to remember. I went from 248 in November 2013 to 160 by May 2014 so I guess we can average that to be about 12 - 15lbs a month. Some weeks I'd lose 5lbs, some weeks only 1. It never stalled. The rate of loss just fluctuated. When I started working out is when things really started to change. I was at 164 in June 2014 when I started working with a personal trainer and by Halloween 2014 I was at 140 but my body fat percentage had gone from 29% to 23%. I never have used the scale as the only way to gauge my success. I measured and took pics so I could actually SEE it. The last 10lbs came off over this last year but it wasn't intentional. It just happened. I'm happy where I am. So, don't think your sleeve expires after the mythical "honeymoon period". My doctor told me I'd lose for as long as 18 months and he was right.

[jessiejess]

Thanks for sharing and Congratulations you look great! I am having my surgery Wednesday 11/18 and I am nervous and excited and hoping I am doing the right thing. After reading your post I am now sure this is the right thing!

Thank you so much. You're definitely doing the right thing. Congratulations to you for the decision to make this commitment and live it. You will only regret not having it done sooner.

[jessiejess]

This is so inspiring, thank you for this well documented update. You're giving us all the confidence to keep going and I hope we all can have your success. If you wouldn't mind, would you quickly share what a typical days diet/meals are? I think some of us are unsure of what is in our future once we reach our goals.
Cheers to your success and happiness!

Well, I ate whatever I wanted. It changed over time as I learned more about what worked and what I could tolerate. From what I can remember, my day consisted of an egg and piece of whole wheat toast in the morning, a meat roll up for lunch, and protein shake around 3 (within 2 hours of my workout), and for dinner I'd have chicken or beef of some sort. I loved wings. I'd get boneless a lot. I'd eat about 3 and was stuffed. I'd also eat yogurt and put protein powder in it. As far as what a roll up is, I'd take deli meat - about 2 pieces sliced at a 1, and I'd lay it out and put two pieces of cheese over it. then I'd roll it up and that was more than a meal. I usually couldn't eat the whole thing. I never ate veggies because I just didn't have room for them by the time I ate my protein. I did, however, juice kale, carrots, and apples with my juicer. I drank for for breakfast a lot in the beginning.
You just learn what works for you and stick with it until your body wants more. I always listened to my body. If I crave something I have it. I prepare my food how I want and eat whatever I want. I just want different things than I did before. I can't eat enough of anything to do any damage and I don't crave the foods that would. I had the occasional piece of pizza. I still can't finish a whole piece. On some days I was ravenously hungry and ate all day. On other days I'd never get hungry and literally forget to eat. Sometimes I can eat a full meal while other times I can barely take 3 bites and I'm stuffed. It's weird. I always still worry when I'm able to eat all of my dinner. I still think "did I stretch it?". I think that will always be a fear. But then I'll have another meal where I can only have 3 bites and the fear subsides. It's all about good choices and moderation. And it's also about not stressing over every little thing you put into your body. There is no such thing as a bad food. Fat and carbs will not kill you. They are your friend. You just have to find what works for you, own it, and change it as necessary. If your loss slows, change something up until you find what works again. Nothing was set in stone for me but what I wrote above is what I can remember doing the longest. Egg sandwich (half), meat roll up, protein shake, and either a small piece of chicken or some sort of beef for dinner. I also ate sashimi (tuna). I could only have about 3 pieces.
As for now, there's no norm. I eat whatever I want and prepare it however I want. I still have the egg sandwich for breakfast or I'll have 1 scrambled egg with half a tortilla, cheese, and salsa. I also eat cereal with almond milk. For lunch I typically have half a sandwich or a portion of a small baked potato. I also like to eat tuna salad. For dinner I eat what everyone else does, I just eat much less and focus on protein first. For example, we'll have meatloaf, taco Tuesday. I can sometimes eat 2 hard tacos but typically only 1 and the tacos aren't loaded. They're just a small portion of meat, sour cream, cheese, and salsa. I've developed somewhat of a sweet tooth and that has GOT to stop. I never had it before so I am not sure why I have it now. That's something I'm going to need to get a handle on. As for a snack, I like guacamole or hummus with baked pita chips. I have a very small amount when I get home from work. I also still eat boneless wings. I still can only have about 3-4. If we have spaghetti, I eat it but again, the portion is vey small and I focus more on the sauce than the pasta because the sauce is where the meat is. I love kabobs. I get grilled meat and veggies all on a stick. I can usually only have one = MAYBE one and a half. I use different marinades to get a good variety of tastes for the meat. I never use a full size plate, I use small plates and can't ever finish what's on it. Protein first. If we go out I'll order a la carte and eat the meat first. Waiters still look at me funny when I don't get a drink and when I only eat the inside of the enchilada with nothing else touched, or only a very small portion of my plate. They tend to think I didn't like it and I have to explain to them that I just don't eat very much.
Simply put, I eat just like everyone else. I only eat MUCH less. One meal for an unsleeved person is about 4 for me. I'm a cheap date. Lol.

I hope you find this info helpful. Good luck!

[Lynda_Honey]

This is the most insightful information I've seen thus far! THANK YOU foir taking the time to lay this out. I'm saving this to refer to going forward. I'm only 8 days post op and looking to the success of others as I start this journey...

[thenewmetoday]

You have made my day reminding me of all the joys and sorrows of losing the weight. Thank you. You have a wonderful writing style and this post will be an inspiration to all especially newbies. I feel like i have picked up a book and the author has just put into words all that i had not been able to express. Cheers.