Who did you tell about your surgery?

[Chunky]

I'm considering gastric sleeve. You can go read my intro post for details. But I'm not sure I want certain people to know, of I decide to do it. I've talked to my husband.

My kids are tween/teen age and girls. I would tell them, but they always tell me how pretty I am. It's a sensitive age and I don't want to mess with them as far as food and weight and how they feel about things. I'm just over 200 pounds and they really don't view me as fat. So...I assume I'd need to tell them something, and usually I am very open with them... So likely I'd find a way to explain it.

Then, there's my parents, not local to me, and I do think I'd tell them. They'd be supportive and non-judgmental.

My inlaws are local. They are weight and food obsessed. The type that notice and comment when you gain or lose a few pounds, even if you haven't. They'll say stuff to my husband (who maybe is 20 pounds overweight) like "if you lose weight, your back won't hurt." Or "you look good. Are you watching what you eat." Once when my kids where young, I was saying that one of my twins metabolism was slower than the other it seemed, as one could eat far more than the other, and stay smaller. Well, then I said "x may be able to eat a lot and weigh 130 as an adult and y may be able to only eat a little and be 160." She replied in a harsh tone, "160. Eeew, please don't day y will be 160. That's horrible." Well, as I sat there at 190, I pretty pissed. She either was trying to hurt me or just really didn't think I was that big. Regardless, I always think of that story when I look at her, or eat a meal with her. I always feel like my in laws watch every bite I eat, thinking "ah, that's why you're so big."

My husband doesn't think I can get away with not telling them... But I think they'll either see this as the easy way out (it isn't) or possibly praise me non-stop as I lose weight (and treat me different) which will make me mad too.

Lastly... Friends and other family... No idea....

So, after that long winded explanation.... My question, who did you tell about getting your surgery, before and after? Were there some close relatives and friends you didn't tell?

[Skibabe]

I told my husband and made sure he was ok with it, which he was. And I told one SIL as I knew she wouldn't judge me and I also needed her to babysit my youngest (19 months) because my initial consults took up a whole day. I didn't tell anyone else until after the surgery. I've since told my parents, who stunned me by being very supportive! They're lovely people but I just thought they'd be very against taking the surgical route. I was wrong! I've told my sister via Facebook (my whole family lives the other side of the world from me) but haven't heard yet. I don't plan to tell my MIL or other SIL, as they're very nice people but have very fixed views on things and I just don't feel like getting into it with them!

With your in laws, you don't have to say a thing. To be honest, I doubt you'll ever be able to please them whatever you do and the least ammo you can give them, the better. Once it's out there, you can't take it back. All you need say is that you're watching your portions, watching what you eat, and exercising. And that it's hard work. All true!

Best of luck with whatever you choose. I'm only two weeks in but I've already dropped a lot and am starting to exercise - unheard of for me! It's great that I can't binge, it keeps me going. Best decision I ever made and minimal pain or problems post op :-)

[SethP]

I told my siblings and immediate family before the surgery and I tell anyone that asks questions on how I am losing the weight since. I am for the most part honest to a fault and do not want to get trapped into the web of lies that would come from trying to hide it. It has been my experience that it is so much easier to stick to the truth in the long run. Less for someone with a limited memory to remember, lol. In the end the decision is yours to make. Godspeed on your journey.

[ximmia]

I told absolutely everyone as soon as I decided I was going to do it. There are a lot of reasons for that, but remember this is a highly personal decision and there are no right or wrong answers. For me, I felt it would be dishonest to just say "well I'm eating better and exercising". Both of those are true, but there's so much more than that. Partly it was in preparation for people to notice and comment on my loss. Since it was public knowledge I can smile and say thanks and move along. That took a lot of personal growth on my part. Lastly it's because my NP was so open and honest about her experiences with her bypass six years ago I feel that if I can be open and honest about my sleeve and perhaps cause someone to consider doing it for themselves then I'm proud to do that. Anyway that's my take on it.

[DebbieD]

Since I went to Mexico I told very few people before the surgery. I knew some would be horrified and didn't want to justify my decision. After I have told everyone that asks about my dramatic weight loss. I read once only 2% of people choose surgical intervention for morbid obesity. These days I want to wear a tshirt " I Had Gastric Sleeve Surgery and it is Amazing".

[Chunky]

very helpful info. First I need to make sure that this is what I want to do. I think it is, but it's such a big decision.

If I do it, I will definitely need a plan for who I will tell... or if I will be an open book...

[bikrchk]

I told my family, (even the extended family is small) and my work team, (about 10 people) and my close friends prior to surgery. Now, I tell EVERYONE! People want to know my "secret", and I'm completely honest. They see the change in diet and the protein shakes, etc. Most folks who know me know I'm up at 4:30 every morning to work out, but I'm honest about the tool that helped me get here. I want to be a cheerleader for this procedure because it saved my life. If there's someone who's struggling and could benefit form the information, I want them to have it. I've had very few negative comments, (or maybe it's that I don't take them personally). If someone's not on my side, I really don't give a rats ass what they think. It's MY journey and being fabulous is the BEST revenge!

[Chunky]

Heather - I love your attitude. I may say "WTH" and be completely public. I just am not there yet... heck... first I need to make a final decision about doing it. But, I go back and forth on if I should be private or public... We will see. Thanks!!!

[JRC]

I am in the same position of trying to figure out who to tell what. I have talked with my husband, parents, and 2 closest friends. They will be my support team and would never betray my confidence in them. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to treat it like a pregnancy in such that you would only tell a few people you were trying, then only trusted people during the first few critical weeks. At this point there is no room for others opinions, negative comments, or judgement. It is your body, your health, and your journey.

[Mzzsugar]

I have told many of my coworkers and most of my immediate family. While it is a personal decision I am so excited I want to tell the world. I have Kaiser so I have several months of classes and numerous tests and appointment, I am using these months to get my head in the game. I am working out 5 times a week and cutting out some of my bad behaviors (snacking late, sodas and indiscriminate snacking) I am going to be ready to “rock that sleeve”. I hope to have a full cheering section as I do it : )

[missemily516]

I have told absolutely everyone from the very beginning - as soon as my health insurance started to approve it I was one of the first people who signed up, I then had 11 months of classes, tests, and appointments, so when people would ask me what was going on or how I was doing I would tell them.
Normally, I am pretty open about my life and myself, so I just couldn't imagine hiding something that would visible for everyone to see (my weight loss). I have had a few thoughless comments from friends and family, but other than that everyone is 100% supportive and I really appreciate it.

[Skibabe]

I am in the same position of trying to figure out who to tell what. I have talked with my husband, parents, and 2 closest friends. They will be my support team and would never betray my confidence in them. I have come to the conclusion that I am going to treat it like a pregnancy in such that you would only tell a few people you were trying, then only trusted people during the first few critical weeks. At this point there is no room for others opinions, negative comments, or judgement. It is your body, your health, and your journey.

Exactly! So many people have such polarising views about pregnancy and how you should do things. No different with WLS. I'm even trying to treat my sleeve as a new "baby", being responsible for it and caring for it like I did my own babies :-)

[Deecomp57]

Heather, I feel the same way you do. Before surgery, my immediate family knew what I was going to do, particulary since I went to Mexico. After returning to work, I also told everyone who asked. The problem is that other women are curious about what you are doing to lose so much weight-and since I have been struggling with weight loss since I have been employed here (over 16 years) everyone knows that I have no problem sharing. LIke you, I am proud to share since this surgery also saved my life. I am also serving as a reference for other people who may be interested in the surgery themselves or for a relative. So far, two of my co-workers have questioned me in detail. If I can help one person make a change in their lives, it is worth it. As for everyone else, oh well-some people need something to talk about!

[NY redhead]

I'm private. I told the boyfriend, my 21 yo daughter and my BFF. That's it. I feel no need to tell everyone. I don't want to deal with other people's thoughts or feelings about the surgery.

Don't allow other people (family, friends, coworkers) to dictate what you deem private or who you want to tell. You alone get to determine that. Because some one asks you a question doesn't mean you have to spill your guts. Simply saying 'I've been watching what I eat, working with a nutritionist,counting calories' isn't a lie. That is true.

If someone pushes the issue (which is rude) my answer will be along the lines of 'I can't believe you're asking me that' with a look of disgust and horror. People should NEVER push a private issue like that!

It sounds like your in laws are very critical. If you don't want to tell them, don't. Don't feel guilty about it either. Trust they have a bunch of secrets they aren't sharing with you!

If later you do share about the wls, there is no need to feel guilty about not sharing from the beginning. Simply explain how it was/is a life altering change in your life and needed to take personal time to figure out your new lifestyle.

But if you want to scream it from the rooftops, scream away!

[Ang50]

My husband and me told to our children. I did not tell my mother. She would not understand. My son (he was scared) told a lot of people. So I had to explain myself to them. We did not tall anything to his sisters.