Half Venting - Half Hurt !

[CoComom]

I have 3 sisters, one older and two younger. My surgery has not been a secret and I had talked to each of my sisters individually about my surgery. (We are not very close, but we are always there for each other). My older sister and my youngest sister came to the hospital to see me after surgery and called and came to see me afterwards. (It has been a little over a month) The other one never came to the hospital, never sent a card, never called or anything. I have not seen or heard from her since I told her about my surgery. Today my subdivision had their annual yard sale and I was walking around visiting a few neighbors that had sales and ran into my sister. She talked to me about an upcoming fall festival we always go to at my moms and never even mentioned my surgery or weight loss. It is very apparent that I have lost weight (36 pounds so far and very visible in my face and belly). Hurt and kinda mad. I also had the same thing happen with my mother in law. I havent seen her in almost a month and she never even mentioned it. Oh well I am doing this for me, but just needed to vent. I feel better now.

[turtlewoman]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I would be hurt and angry, too. Much love and support to you from me. Consider me your surrogate sister of the forum!!

[kcallis]

I kind of know how you feel. I'm the youngest out of three sisters. I'm closer with my middle sister and we keep in touch, I live in Texas and she lives in Missouri. My oldest sister, however, I hardly ever hear from and she lives up in Washington state. I called her a few months ago, but she never has called me. I get a Christmas card from her but that's about it. My middle sis knows about my surgery. She was worried in the beginning but she is happy that I have been losing weight and haven't had any complications. My mom had passed away a few years ago, but my mother in law has been supportive and thrilled about my weight loss too, she even gave me a check when I lost my first 50lbs!

[Kimpossible318]

I believe strongly in treating others how I wish to be treated. Even if your younger sister and/or your mother-in-law didn't approve of your surgery or are jealous or whatever, the fact remains is that you did it and you are successfully following your program to a happy and healthier you. How is that not something to celebrate regardless of how you got here? It's rude. It's unexcuseable. BUT...it's family.

I'm so proud of all your success and I know you are, too. Keep going at it, girl! =)

[PipperMarrow]

It's jealousy and they think you are changing and won't be the same person. I have lost almost 37 pounds and NOT ONE person at work, church, or friends has said anything. I have had family say something on occasion. I'm not concerned about it though because I am not doing this for compliments (although would be nice), it's for my health. They probably think we took the easy way out and do not understand we still have to do all the work and that it's just a tool. Just my thoughts, but I bet you look great! Congrats!

[PitPat]

I'm so sorry! But i do know how you feel. I don't have sisters or brothers but my children haven't said a word about the surgery or my weight-loss. My great-grandbaby even pulled my pants down yesterday....nothing said. Oh well, like you said, "I'm doing this for me", not them. Keep your spirits up! You're doing great!!!!
Blessings.....
PitPat

[Gojogo]

My sister older sister who I am meant to be close too, has not once asked me how I am! She is slim and once told me when I had lost a lot of weight that I looked like a Heroine addict! Oh well her problem not mine. Don't let it get to you we are all in this together, thank god :-)

[Breen]

I'm proud! I have lost 81 and I have only gotten one person ask how I was doing it and that I was looking great. Other than that, people just don't say anything to me. I'm not sure if it's jealousy or what but its something and it stinks (for them because they are a rude lot). I have my mom, my husband and 3 VERY supportive girlfriends that I could not have gotten through this without. I try to stay focused on them, they are the ones who deserve my energy. I won't give my brain space to haters. Lol. You are doing an awesome job, don't let them give you bad feelings. It's about you making a healthier you, can't fix them. Hope they come around but if they don't just keep being you because you are wonderful!!

[Misse28]

Don't let that get to you. My sister makes comments all the time. She would tell me that she didn't have help and that she was still gonna lose more weight than me and faster than me. I didn't want everyone to know about my surgery which is why I didn't tell her. But she worried my mom so much that my mom told her because I am her baby sister and she couldn't get right until she found out what kind of surgery I was having and that it was anything more serious wrong. And she talks freely about it to anyone people I don't really even talk to and they ask me about it. It very frustrating be I just press on. I have always been her outlet. She would walk up behind me and squeeze my rolls on my back and laugh. Sometimes you just learn to let people deal with things the way they do.

[Marvinator]

My wife's sister feels that when my wife loses weight it somehow steals from her (the sister) thinness. They look a lot alike but my wife was always heavier before the surgery and somehow when she looks similar, like she does now, it really makes her feel like something is being taken from her. There are a lot of weird dynamics in families and obviously even close sisters are not immune to it. I just don't tell anyone about my surgery. Don't feel anyone needs to know or start judging my actions.

[St.Michael]

After reading all of your posts I remembered that one of my friends who I hadn't seen in a while had lost a LOT of weight, nearly 100 pounds. I remember feeling very concerned he had lost so much since I saw him but I didn't say anything about it to him. I guess I wasn't sure what to say since he didn't mention it. It is absolutely a sensitive subject. Being heavy myself, I would understand if someone was hesitant to comment on a dramatic weightloss because it does imply that I was super heavy before... not that everyone doesn't already know that. Also I have put my foot in my mouth on many occasions and step lightly around weight with the fairer sex. I have friends tell me they lost 50 lbs and I tell them I could tell, but I was really like "I think he might have lost weight". At over 300 and in a joking way I take a spin for friends and say SOOOO what do you think I'm down XX pounds!! That takes the pressure off them. If you don't bring it up neither will I.

[The_Redhead]

I have 2 sisters and I am not telling either of them. Both are thin and have been thin their whole lives. Both feel that all you need to do is to eat less... yet my younger sister knows that she can out eat me at any meal. They both assume I must eat a lot of sweets (which I absolutely don't) and I should just cut them out and I will lose weight. Also, they are both worriers so I'll never hear the end of it if I tell them what I'm doing.

I agree with St. Michael. It can be a sensitive subject and sometimes hard for some people to discuss. In fact, one time I said to my brother-in-law, "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight. You look great", and he said... "Geez... didn't realize I was that fat and ugly before that anyone would notice (the weightloss)". Since then I watch what I say to anyone.

[CoComom]

After reading all of your posts I remembered that one of my friends who I hadn't seen in a while had lost a LOT of weight, nearly 100 pounds. I remember feeling very concerned he had lost so much since I saw him but I didn't say anything about it to him. I guess I wasn't sure what to say since he didn't mention it. It is absolutely a sensitive subject. Being heavy myself, I would understand if someone was hesitant to comment on a dramatic weightloss because it does imply that I was super heavy before... not that everyone doesn't already know that. Also I have put my foot in my mouth on many occasions and step lightly around weight with the fairer sex. I have friends tell me they lost 50 lbs and I tell them I could tell, but I was really like "I think he might have lost weight". At over 300 and in a joking way I take a spin for friends and say SOOOO what do you think I'm down XX pounds!! That takes the pressure off them. If you don't bring it up neither will I.

I can see your point but this is a little different situation. I have been very open about my surgery and weight loss. I would expect that a family member would at least ask if you were ok after major surgery. Heck I even worried about her out patient broken nose and checked on her several times. lol, it's like someone said "its Family" lol

[ThisIs4Me]

Sometimes some family members just suck! Abt a yr ago I had back surgery, I need a ride to the hosp in tampa and asked my sister if she could take me (The ride is abt 45 mins from my house). She said she couldn't do it because she was taking her 2 kids to Busch Gardens (which is abt 15 min from the hosp). I was flabbergasted! I could almost understand if they had been waiting for a long time to go, once in a lifetime thing etc but they had yr round passes!!! They could have drove me to the hosp and been at the park in an extra 15 min. I offered to fill the gas tank and give her $20 for that 15 min out of the way trip! I ended up having to drive myself to and from after having back surgery! Some things u just cant forgive...I don't blame u for bein mad, I know I was!