Man PMS.

[jdavido]

I'm feeling very blah today ... I can't explain it. All of my clothes look hideous on me, but I refuse to buy anything else until after surgery. My new supervisor at work told me today that I've gained a ton of weight since he saw me last year. Um ... thanks? I wanted to kick him in the teeth for that. It never ceases to amaze me how much people really don't think before they speak. Just because I'm heavy doesn't mean I want to be called 'Big Guy' or be told fat jokes or have people CONSTANTLY make comments to me on weight loss. Literally ... earlier this month, my wife and I went on vacation and the TSA guy decided he'd tell me how his sister or whomever lost a ton of weight. Um ... who the hell are you and why do you feel the need to just randomly tell me how somone I couldn't care less about lost weight? It's SO out of line. I'm nearing the point where I just can't take it anymore. I'm CONSTANTLY aware of myself and my size ... of how much like a damn BUS I look like walking down the street. My insurance has a 3 mo waiting peroid for surgery ... and my 3 months started on 6/9 when I had my first consult with Dr. Bass. I go for my psych eval in 2 weeks and see him the week after that ... and see the nutritionist the week after that. I feel like this whole process is moving at a snail's pace. I just don't know. I'm so discouraged and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for allowing myself to get to nearly 400 lbs. I hate myself for looking like a bloated puffer fish every damn day of my life. I hate myself for not being able to take my dog for a walk because I'm so damn fat and my back aches beyond belief. *sigh* Sorry for the rant, everyone. I'm just feeling a little blah. That comment today really set me off. I promise next post will be a positive one ...

[cajunbandmom]

I understand pretty much EVERY word you typed... After the surgery is over and the first week or so you will look back and say wow that passed by so fast. It took me about 2 months from start to surgery.

[HappyMe]

Oh believe me... I understand how you are feeling today. I hope you don't think I'm being pollyannish, but start putting the good stuff out there for yourself and the crappy stuff will start to fall away. Sounds trite, but even things like what I call myself here (HappyMe) help me by putting the emphasis on what I want for myself - what I will be - what I am today. So you made some mistakes. We all do. Now you're taking care of it by going through this process and even the wait and the shitty comments will make you stronger and more successful with your weight loss if you choose to use them as a catalyst for change. Don't let it define you. Let these struggles make you even more determined to make this happen.

Best wishes!

[FlowerGalTX]

I can't imagine anyone feeling great after a comment like that from a boss? Seriously, someone needs to give your supervisor a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" because he is lacking some serious leadership skills. You might be overweight but he is behaving like an idiot.

I'm with you on the hoop-jumping for insurance. Did you catch my whine about the waste of my time nutrition appointment? Like you, this process seems incredibly slow. I look at my "days until" surgery tracker and it doesn't seem to move.

But, like life, our time will come and will be here before we know it. Hang in there, whine with us as needed - we understand!

[headsntails]

don't feel bad~ we all went there, been there, talked about it, then got over it.. we'll be the ones giving out advices after the sleeve.. hang in there!

[singingcindi]

I am not a man, but I totally understand where you are coming from. I hated myself for allowing my body to get so out of shape too. I am 5 feet, 7 inches, and weighed 397 lbs. A year and a half later, I have lost 105 lbs, and feel so much better. It will take effort on your part, but it can be done. My best advice is to start walking, and/or exercising as soon as you are able. This will help the weight come off better. I did not start a regular exercise program until this past Jan., and my weight loss was slow because of it. Hang in there, good luck, and best wishes!

[Dana]

You are in the right place, thats pretty much the place I got before I decided to have this surgery. many times in fact. Most times people are insensitive, but sometimes they just tell you what they think they would want to know. (this does not include the My grandma, what a big a** you have... developed since I last saw you!) the only way to make them understand is to give them a pamphlet on their vice. Like Wendy said 'How to win friends', How bout one on smoking, or hair loss? Its not even the same, we cant put a hat over our problem. Like we arent aware and miserable. some just want to help but its really better to just be quiet. You have made a decision and its all about to change, the time really does pass off faster than you think considering the fact that you want it yesterday. Please feel free to whine, its a valid whine, (((hug)))

[cowgirljane]

I guess most of us have shared these type of experiences and feelings. Your boss was seriously out of line though, imho.

Yesterday I had the consult with the doctor I would like to do my band to sleeve revision. At some point in the conversation I said something like "I really want to lose this weight without surgery, but I always fail and regain it all.." (here I was getting ready to launch into the negative talk about how I have ruined my body). He stopped me short and said "you do understand you have a metabolic disorder (I have the big waist and stomach) and your odds of being able to do this on your own are close to zero. Don't be so hard on yourself." While I do take responsibility for eating the food, I have to say that living with being hungry almost all the time and the seeming ability to eat even shortly after a meal... there is something wonky about my body as that just isn't normal so it isn't just that I have been a lame slacker.

Try to be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend, with compassion, caring and maybe the occasional kick in the butt, but with self love, not self-hatred. Whether fat or thin, we can always find fault with ourselves (unhappiest person I ever met was physically beautiful and thin so there you go).

[celticmom218]

HUGS! People can be so rude!

Hang in there. It takes awhile to go through the whole process with the insurance companies.

[newjoanie]

Take a breath and do what you can NOW. Learn about the post surgery diet, try out some Protein sources ( shakes, shots, bars), Work on a diet, really work with the nutritionist while you are on the three month wait. I have been on the three month wait for 5 months now - and I have already lost 40 lbs - surgery is Tuesday and I am so ready - and the time has passed pretty quickly.

[ILgal]

I can certainly understand! I go to my closet after giving my fat clothes away 8 months ago when I lost weight and I now have no clothes that fit! I have only a very few things I can get into and I refuse to buy anything else until this surgery is over. Believe me when I hear "but you have such a pretty face" one more time I just want to hurl! My fist comes together and I want to reach out and punch that person! I too had my psch eval completed for Dr. Bass. I went to his nutritionist appointment which was very fast but depressing. The nutritionist actually gave me all the stats on my % of body fat and I thought I was going to have heart failure! That was the first time anyone gave me that info!! I was most certainly BLAH that day! You are so not alone!!! Hang in there Joshua we too will get there hopefully soon and get the surgery behind us and get on to more healthy living. Like I said if Dr. Bass called me today and said "come on down" I would hop on that table quicker than you can blink! LOL! We will get there!!! Do something for yourself this weekend!

[grammysyd]

I am appalled by how people are treating you. If I were you when someone says something, I would say "that's inappropriate" and walk away. It nicely puts them in their place. You need to surround yourself with support. Those who are not on your 'team' need to go away. I would remove myself from these kind of people and situations. You ARE IN CONTROL of yourself only. YOU have no control over others or any control to make them behave. It's a sad state of affairs when grown adults have no respect for a fellow human being. Hang in there...you will get to the other side with much success!! It's a process. You didn't get heavy overnight and you won't get through the process over night. I will tell you that IT WILL BE WORTH IT !!!

[BusyGirl]

Wow. That comment is classless in general, but in the work place?... that's just down-right inappropriate.

I really think that in a lot of ways, guys get razzed worse - at least in Louisiana, they do. I've been overweight all my life, and it's been extremely rare that I've ever gotten the point-blank, in-your-face, rude comment. Don't get me wrong, I've noticed some stares and a whisper every once in a while, but I don't recall ever having a full on fat-assault. But I hear it between guys all the time. Something as simple as the skinny guys nicknaming the larger guy as "Big Hoss", and even today, when I was telling a Facebook friend "Happy Birthday", I saw that some guy had commented to him, "Happy Fat Day, Birth Boy!" Um, really? So yeah, I've always felt like guys get it worse in that way, but it usually occurs in a "joking" way. I find it asinine.

As for you being angry at yourself for where you're at, I say go ahead. Be angry. I've been angry at myself about this, too. But be angry, and move on. And that's just what you're doing. You're pissed, you're learning from it, and you're fixing it. What more can you do?