1 1/2 Year Post Op . . . and terrified.

[Roman]

I haven't been on here in a while and, honestly, I'm kind of scared and ashamed of posting now. I had my surgery a little over a year and a half ago and lost 120pounds and never felt better. It was AMAZING and now, I'm scared shitless that I'm on my way to falling back into my old habits. You see, it's much easier to eat now than it was initially. I can eat ANYTHING in small amounts and can pretty much graze all day on very bad things. I'm finding myself drifting back into the addiction again and, like I said, I am terrified of the thought.

Fast food.
Sweets.
Mini-binges.
I'm doing it all right now.

I knew from the beginning that this wasn't a magical fix and in the last six months I've bounced up and down within a ten pound range. I haven't gone too far off the beaten path, but I know I have to do something severe or I'll be back where I started . . . even though there's a part of me that refuses to believe I could ever let that happen.

In short, I'm desperate for help and don't really know where to turn. I had the surgery and still have weight to lose, but am still addicted to food. I just want it to end and feel completely helpless against it.

Thanks,

Roman

[Truebody]

Roman, you've posted in two places. Stop panicking and breathe.... And read my response on the other thread. You can do this.
Grace has included a link to a page called Pouch Rules for Dummies - maybe a refresher of the rules and guidelines will give you something practical to do while you get your thinking under control.

[Kay Thompson]

Are you working with a therapist? Have you called your dietition? You have to change your way of thinking, what makes you graze all day long? I know these may be hard questions but you have to ask them to yourself because until you get to the reason WHY you eat, then the sleeve is going to help you only so much. Don't be ashamed of posting on the forum, we are all here to help you.

[Justwander]

Glad you posted and hope that you are able to make changes to get back on track. Have you thought about going back to wls support groups? And I think seeing a therapist is a really good idea because we all know how much psychological our weight issues are to begin with. Throw all the junk food away. Write out exactly what you will eat for the day, including things that are tasty and stick with it. You can do this!

[flipflopgirl]

Never be ashamed of posting!!!!! We are ALL here for you!!!!! Congrats on the weight loss, it's obvious you know WHAT TO DO!!!!! So start OVER, today is a new day!!!!! Get back to the basics!!!!! Protein, protein, protein!!!!! I can't handle chips and peanuts SO I DON'T BUY THEM!!!!! Maybe you need to have a group support setting, face to face with other people who are dealing with the same issues!!!!! Maybe you need to see you nut OR dietician!!!!! YOU CAN do this!!!!! We ALL struggle, so you are NOT alone!!!!! Best of luck to you, please keep us posted!!!!! I wish you all the success you deserve!!!!!

[Socaldixiegal]

Being a failed band patient, I have to say that I think that no matter how much we think we understand that WLS isn't the end all magical solution, it isn't until we're further out and facing this kind of situation that it really sinks in.

The surgery only does so much - it's our choices that do the rest. Coming here and acknowledging what you're doing is the first step in fixing the behavior. You know that the old habits and what you did pre WLS lead you to be overweight and miserable. Going back to those habits will cause the same effect. I think you need to get back to basics for a while - writing down everything you eat. Setting goals, etc.

We've had a lifetime of bad choices, it's going to take the rest of our lives to overcome those habits and create new ones.

[dale]

You and I are kindred spirits. I am 22 months out, 124 pounds down, and feeling the same as you do. I posted a couple of weeks ago, along the same lines as you. The support I got from the folks on the forum was phenomenal! Since then, I have redoubled my efforts exercising, and the weight is going down slowly. I am still not eating as I should, but I am better.

I think for people like us, the sleeve has done what it can do for us. The rest is really up to us. It's important to realize how far you have come, instead of just focusing on how far you have left to go. I like to think about all the things I can do now that I couldn't do before my surgery, like get down on the floor to play with my grandkids, and even get back up again! That may sound silly, but it is really important to me.

I also have developed new habits. I exercise now, not just for weight loss, but because I feel so much better when I do. Before my sleeve, I couldn't even do a grocery store trip without feeling exhausted about halfway through.

Remember, we will have to live with our sleeves for the rest of our lives (hopefully, a long, long time!). We are going to backslide some, after all, we are human! Recognize that, give yourself a little talking to, and get back to doing what you need to do. WE CAN DO THIS!!!

[dale]

You might want to try the Five Day Pouch Test to get yourself back on track whenever you slip. It kind of helps you get back into good habits. It helped me a few months ago.

[Ronnie]

Roman, I think many of us that were morbidly obese face the same issue, in that the sleeve only really starts us off and gets us 1/2 to 3/4 of t he way there. Then we have to diet like "normal" overweight people. One thing I want to point out is that the sleeve started out truly as the first of a 2 part surgery. They were performing sleeves for morbidly obese folks so they could lose a good chunk of the weight, then they would follow up with the bypass, as it got the patient in better shape to have this more invasive surgery. Having said that, without the second part, we have to work a little harder than most. Not that we want an additional surgery, but the 2nd part of bypass will get us the end result. But also working the sleeve hard will get the same result. While i haven't gained, I have maintained for several months. But i also know that if i go back and do liquid protein shakes again, I can get it going again! but wanted you to know some of the science. Best wishes!!

[WyomingDiva]

You are so smart to come on here and tell on yourself. I echo what the others have said: seek help, wherever you may find it. There are many 12 step groups that might help (OA, FAA, etc.), a therapist, etc. I have not had my surgery yet, but I am terrified of the same thing you are going through. In addition to 12 step groups, I have been working my way through a workbook called, "Live it, Don't Diet" - it has been very helpful in identifying some of the reasons why I eat.

You can do this! Just coming to these forums daily and being accountable will probably help you immensely!

[JennHug]

Well, at least you RECOGNIZE the red flags!! So go back to basics. Remember WHY you got the sleeve in the first place. Break up with carbs again. Do a 5 day liquid diet to get you started. Talk to a counselor. Best wishes!!

[Realguera]

hi well i had my sleeve in march of last year and am now in the boat with you roman pretty depressed and scared too, never lost the total i wanted either ,only wanted to get down to 200 im 260 stilll well i hope we can get our stuff togetther and get off the cow cruise im really bummed but its like the others said lets do a five day liquid diet and breakup with the carbs .. what do u say? great luck and lots of prayers to u.

[itsmytime]

Ugh, I am so sorry you are going through this. Yes, it gets easier to eat the farther out you are. First of all, you are doing a good job acknowledging what you are doing. You are bouncing up and down ten pounds, that is NOT bad news! You haven't gained weight back. Try to just go back to protein first!! It's such a simple rule but it's so smart. If you eat some protein before anything else, it fills your sleeve up so you can't eat a bunch of junk!! I really think that helps a lot. So you can do damage control that way and also to catch yourself before your weight starts going up. I agree with others going to a support group. It can get you back in the frame of mind you need to be. Don't give up on yourself or you'll never forgive yourself. Don't let yourself lose this battle. So far you haven't and that's GREAT NEWS! I know a lady who says every time she feels like she is getting off track, she goes on one of the forums and reads about people who have found out they can't get the surgery from insurance or can't afford to pay for it, and it makes her try harder. She says "How can I gain my weight back when there are people who don't even get this chance?" I have to agree!

[catheryn]

That was some really good advice, you go girl