Never thought I would be annoyed with "Skinny"

[RXQUEEN]

I would like to thank each and everyone of your for your suggestions and such wonderful truthful responses. It makes me feel so much at ease to know im not the only one in this boat. I respect everyone whether they choose to tell or not. Alot of it does have to do with me having a conscience and feeling like its a half story instead of an entire story when i tell certain people about changing eating habits. But i think that is my personal conviction. For the males i would think it would be much easier for a guy to say hey i had surgery rather than a female i believe i repeat I BELIEVE that women are judged way more differntly than men and some women are really out to get others to make them feel better about themselves. But i cant say this for sure since I am not a male. I just never heard 2 men saying "man look at his muffin top" or or "oooohhh he should not be wearing those jeans" etc....Unfortantely i can't just tell people how i would really like to say things because I am in a work environment and need to maintain self control. There are those whom i share with in hopes that i can just motivate them simply by telling them to try their hardest before they make a life changing decison like this. If i can inspire someone and motivate them to push harder than thats awesome along with if i can help someone to let them know they do have options thats even better. The person who comments about me being so skinny everyday is someone i work with and see them for more than 8 hours so i know its not just a genuine compliment cause there would be no need to make such an observation to someone who is with me constantly. Now as i stated b4 i am proud of my success and sometimes i wanna just tell lots of people but there really is no satisfying everyone. And really as some of you stated i shouldnt have to satisfy others. My business is my business and i dont ask or try to bardge into others but our world is not set up that way. And i dont want to be watched like a hawk if i decide to indulge on some ice cream here and there. And sometimes people say stupid comments that i really just dont want to give the time of day. I just wanted to make sure i want the only one feeling this at times. For those of you who are open i give you mad props but its just not for everyone and I respect that. Just like not everyone likes sushi lol. To all of you keep up ur awesome work in meeting your goals and shedding those pounds and try to love yourself more and more each day even if your love tank is full. Thanks for all your support i needed it so bad cant express it enough.

[RXQUEEN]

Amen to Trustin Sleever. I couldn't have said it better myself. The best answer I have heard from someone in our support group when asked how he
"did it" was "a lot of hard work". He is now an avid runner and looks great at 2 years out.

I tried that b4 and the response was "well what exactly did you do so i can start doing it myself" I have had people ask for the name of my protein to what do i eat on a daily basis and to write a meal plan for them. The short answers for some reason just dont work for me or maybe i just dont know how to make them work.

[RXQUEEN]

The problem with such a lie of omission is that just like other lies, you have to maintain it and once you start it, it gets a life of its own. Every person who you might be willing to help must also not reveal your lie. Eventually the truth will come out and the denials and lies of omission get exposed causing more real jeers than any ahole jeers you'd get for telling the truth.

This is partial what weighs on me lies of omission i guess because when i told my family I told them individually and told them i would tell people myself if i wanted to but some of my family said i didnt tell them that or they forgot and just were so happy for me and volunteered my personal story because of my success and they were happy for me. I literally have had someone ask me what did i do i said extreme watching what i ate and excercise they literally walked in the next room and asked my brother and he said she had surgery. Then i felt like a liar. The thing is Jersey John these are the people i mention whom arent proud they could care less they just want to simply say "see i told you she had surgery" And it disgust me i can pour out my heart and struggle to someone and they can careless they just want to hear it from me. Thats part of the reason i dont tell everyone cuz i dont think they deserve that satisfaction.

Lets face it some people have nothing better things to do than worry about what others are doing with their lives and its sad.....

[judy79]

I understand everyone of you. But not me . I tell everyone & when I get a negative remark. I go back & tell them how it is. "DID YOU PAY MY SURGERY" "ARE YOU THE ONE IN MY SHOES" & "ARE UP AT 4:00 am WORKING OUT YOUR ASS OFF SIX MILES A DAY TWO HOURS AT THE GYM" " So then keep your remarks to your self. THANK YOU. People that have known me my whole life .Do know I have been always heavy. So, I dont deny it . But I do understand you ladies. Thumbs up.

I have told everybody too. I'm so excited and a loud mouth and NOT ashamed that I am taking a step FORWARD to do it! And maybe when a heavy person sees me they can save some $$ and get out of their slump! I think its a tool to help you, but there is no easy way out! Its a lifetime journey, and cuddos to you for making it!

[Ninalinda2012]

Congratulations on your weight loss, is a huge accomplishment. I have decided not to tell anyone that I had the surgery, only my close family (mom, dad, bro and sis) nobody else, not even my best friend, because i knew cases before having my surgery of girls around my age (27-35) who made that public and criticism was huge, as well, even if you don't believe it, the single ones had some difficulty maintaining a relationship with some of the guys that disapproved this surgery...this is something very private. I have lost a lot of weight before right in front of my friends and coworkers eyes, so I am just saying, I am doing the same as 2 years ago and this time there is no bending.

Nobody needs explanations you don't want to give and if you want to get rid of them, tell them you will email your diet, and just pick one from internet and send it :P

Best of luck!!

[Trustin Sleever]

I never said "obviously" had WLS as you quoted me...I clearly said "apparent" as in "appears as if,, God bless you for your earlier weight loss... gratz...

It's either *F* them or Its not...., if it matters that you avoid the truth then it's. not *F* them...it's more like I'd rather that person not judge me so I'll just not tell them the whole truth. If a person like that asked me I'd tell them the truth and add " I'm flattered by your sudden interest in my health, would you like to hear about my hemerhoid laser surgery as well.

As someone who experienced the jeers and judgement already, it seems odd to me that you chose to open yourself to it again on purpose - and last time I checked small breasts don't cause sleep apnea, hypertension, stroke, or was the number one health issue in America.

The problem with such a lie of omission is that just like other lies, you have to maintain it and once you start it, it gets a life of its own. Every person who you might be willing to help must also not reveal your lie. Eventually the truth will come out and the denials and lies of omission get exposed causing more real jeers than any ahole jeers you'd get for telling the truth.

I'm probably biased on this since I had too much weIght to lose to care to hide the truth, and I see everyone I know laughing and jeering at my Narcissistic wife who is sticking with the diet only story no one is buying.

What LIE are you referring to? Who is lying?
You think that not volunteering personal information qualifies as a "lie of omission"?
And what do you mean by "it seems odd to me that you chose to open yourself to it again on purpose"? I guess this means you are jeering me?
This was so uncalled for, JJ. I thought better of you than that.
You don't have to defend your choices to me or anyone (for WLS or cosmetic surgery), but do not jeer me.

[TucsonAmy]

I understand some people's need to be private. But I agree with Jeresey John. I especially like telling my story to other people who are obese and have a personal reason to want information. if i can help one person find health and happiness in their life as i have, it is worth it to me.

[Ceasar10]

I agree with you Amy! To help someone I would in a heartbeat but not the jerks who do not get it at all! I think it is a personal choice because it is our body and our life! We owe no one any explanations but if an obese person asked me and I felt she was in need, I would tell! I wouldn't want anyone to go through the weight hell I did for the past 20 years! I have not even had my surgery yet!

[PKnorr]

Man, some of you all need a whole new set of friends, family and coworkers.
I cannot imagine ANY one I know being rude like that- my daughter's grandpa is the closest, but I have finally found the perfect retort and we no longer discuss it.

My family/friends/co-workers have been very supportive, they like/love me and want me around and to be healthy.
As I shed the weight, I'm working on shedding the defensiveness, and hurt feelings I've built up over the years.
I can't control what others say, but I can control how it affects me.

One of my co-workers did mention that someone she knew lost too much weight with her gastric bypass....I said "yeah, the only downside to that is I wouldn't float so easily in the pool"

[Island Girl]

Congrats on your weight loss success! It is your body and your right to not share or to share your surgery. Personally, I am not sharing with my co-workers...I don't feel comfortable being the topic of office gossip for doing something to be healthier. I am looking forward to "rocking" a healthy body and enjoying my weight-loss journey! No time for Negative Nellies! Just keep giving the credit to those great protein shakes you are drinking

[Jersey John]

What LIE are you referring to? Who is lying?
You think that not volunteering personal information qualifies as a "lie of omission"?
And what do you mean by "it seems odd to me that you chose to open yourself to it again on purpose"? I guess this means you are jeering me?
This was so uncalled for, JJ. I thought better of you than that.
You don't have to defend your choices to me or anyone (for WLS or cosmetic surgery), but do not jeer me.

Okay... first off an apology is in order. I made a huge leap there with an observation and upon rereading it, it did sound much more judgemental of you than I ever intended, so I sincerely apologize. I was certainly not jeering at you...

Second let me try and clarify what I meant by that. I was trying to say that since you personally had observed a number of others jeering, you would have realized the problem was outside of you. That people like that were going to find things to jeer at regardless, and that is their problem not yours. An intentional misrepresentation of the truth by omission is a lie. When it comes to friends and family my opinion is to not dage my own integrity, but to answer truthfully and knowing my decision for surgery was the right one, call them out on their judgement or ignorance. In the long run you end up as being truthful anmaybe had conflict with people wo have flawed thinking or other issues, or people you may respect will eventually learn you were being dishonest. They may understand why you didnt tell the whole truth, but your integrity will definitely take a hit. And again, why risk your personal integrity for people you know to have issues?

Some people might choose that to avoid conflict or to protect privacy. But the truth always comes out and if you're okay with that, then I understand. For me I'd rather take it on headfirst and not face possibly worse later...its a personal gamble and we choose our sides.

In a work environment, I could totally understand the privacy piece, but again... omitting the truth instead of just claiming privacy has potential fall out you must consider. Ultimately my opinion is if someone has a problem with the truth, thats their problem - but at work we all deserve certain additional privacy.

[SECRETSLEEVE]

Okay... first off an apology is in order. I made a huge leap there with an observation and upon rereading it, it did sound much more judgemental of you than I ever intended, so I sincerely apologize. I was certainly not jeering at you...

Second let me try and clarify what I meant by that. I was trying to say that since you personally had observed a number of others jeering, you would have realized the problem was outside of you. That people like that were going to find things to jeer at regardless, and that is their problem not yours. An intentional misrepresentation of the truth by omission is a lie. When it comes to friends and family my opinion is to not dage my own integrity, but to answer truthfully and knowing my decision for surgery was the right one, call them out on their judgement or ignorance. In the long run you end up as being truthful anmaybe had conflict with people wo have flawed thinking or other issues, or people you may respect will eventually learn you were being dishonest. They may understand why you didnt tell the whole truth, but your integrity will definitely take a hit. And again, why risk your personal integrity for people you know to have issues?

Some people might choose that to avoid conflict or to protect privacy. But the truth always comes out and if you're okay with that, then I understand. For me I'd rather take it on headfirst and not face possibly worse later...its a personal gamble and we choose our sides.

In a work environment, I could totally understand the privacy piece, but again... omitting the truth instead of just claiming privacy has potential fall out you must consider. Ultimately my opinion is if someone has a problem with the truth, thats their problem - but at work we all deserve certain additional privacy.

I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I don't share with people my sex life and intimate details of my life are not shared. I don't consider my omission a lie. These are very personal details to a person. Unless you go to court and you put your hand on a bible and they ask you under oath if you had the surgery and you say no then you are lying in my opinion. I will not share this detail with most people, other then in support groups or to others who have been there or considering having it done. I don't think that me choosing to not share this personal and private detail of my life with most lessens my integrity.

[msstori]

I would think if someone asked me about my sex life I would as John said state a right to privacy. I wouldn't pretend I wasn't having sex. LOL

[Brandywine]

As in everything, we are all different and do different things... also depends on the people we are around... Do we trust them enough??? Im lucky I guess I have told many but do not plan on out right coming out and saying it... however... Im proud of my decision and I will own it. I think it just boils down to that... But Im pretty outspoken, so thats me.... I however... Am not sure how I would react at a work situation. Thats kinda different.

[amyb88]

Even the mere fact of whether I am or whether I'm not, or whether I do or whether I don't, or whether I did or whether I didn't, still falls within my right to privacy, no matter what the specific personal area might be. I am accountable to NO one about NO area of my private life, no matter what it is!

It is also not for me to evaluate other people's decisions about their own private disclosures--that is certainly their choice and they have a right to do whatever they please!

Amy