This is my first post. I had surgery exactly 1 week ago today and I have been in a hazy denial of this whole thing. I haven't told anyone other than my husband ( he had surgery today) and have been adverse to groups and forums for an unknown reason ( I think pride was part of it) well as I have been home from work for the last week I have been spending a lot of time on forums lurking and reading and well. Time to leap in and come to terms with everything. So here I go... I have been pudgy my entire life. I was a roly poly baby and toddler, by 9-10 years old I was wearing teen clothes and was over 100 lbs. I did thin down a bit in middle school and started High school in the 150s. I did sorta and exercised reguraly but I was always thick in the hips and thighs. Well I started climbing from there averaging about 10 pounds a year. It would just creep up on me. I would diet and loose 20 pounds but it would come back and then some. My mother had put me on diets from about age 7-8. She does not have a healthy relationship with food but the other end of the spectrum where she would eat dry toast and water for breakfast and then not eat again till dinner where she would nibble as she cooked and call that her meal. She would threaten to lock the refrigerator from me because she thought I was snacking when I wasn't suppose to. I didn't do that but she didn't beleave me. I literally took PE 3 times a day at school (Sports PE, regular PE and I TAed for PE) I would starve myself for a little then binge eat. It was horrible I knew it then and I know it now. I refuse to talk to my mom about anything health related. She lives in another state so it's not hard. I know I can't do this alone and I have my support with my husband who knows my issues and is supportive of me. I am a extremely self conscious person and I always feel people are judging me on my health and size and it's made me pull away socially from people and it's just exasperated my issues. Now I'm faceing them down and am mentally and physically ready to progress and change. I will be seeing my family in July for a family event and that is causing some freaking out but it has to be done, I can't avoid them forever but I still will not talk to them about it. It's talking to a wall and not worth the aggravation and tears on my end. Well there it is for the first time. All out there.
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