Well I haven't logged in for maybe three years or more .A lot has happened since then including losing my mum and nan ,I also broke up with my long time boyfriend ......
I've moved home ....
N I've gained some weight back over the last year or so ....
Bad habits have crept in ,I wasn't eating chocolate post sleeve that's crept back ,snacking ...still not back onto fizzy drinks ,still can't eat chips which are good points but hey I'm going on holiday in 6weeks ...time to get

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Since March I've lost my grandma and even sadder my mother , devastated isn't even the word . My mum only came down to visit for my grandma funeral , became ill and was admitted to hospital on 10 April . By the 30 , she had passed away . Not from cancer but he's kidneys had failed . She had swollen to twice her normal size and because of the underlying cancerous condition basically they wouldn't give her dialysis or send her to intensive care . Can't believe she's gone . Only consolation

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A year ago I was unhappy , early ashamed , hiding away , didn't want anyone to see me for fear of ridicule .Today I am in a better place mentally , I'm learning to see myself differently . I still have issues but my self esteem has improved .

I just feel so thankful , so happy , so attractive . GOD is great ,that's all I know for sure !!!! I look in the mirror and cry happy tears . YES I have loose skin , I am not perfect but I am happy ,that means the world to me . I have abused my body for most of my life , it's entitled to not look fantastic !!! I am alive and I am free and I love being me

I feel like a new person ,I thank God every day for my life. I am going through a period of transformation like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon ,spiritually too I am growing a renewed appreciation for god and his amazing grace . Life is improving and I am living and feeling and taking part again instead of being on the outside looking in with sadness .