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Is this a Friend?

  1. BladeFox
    I have a friend that once I told her that I was considering...considering surgery she started in on how it's the easy way out, my head is gonna shrink and I'm going to look odd, you can gain all the weight back, I don't want to exercise and lose it the right! way, etc...

    So, because she claims to be intelligent, I brought it to her the way that I see it benefitting me. I shared with her that I have high blood pressure and the more I take medicine to control it, the greater the risk of me developing kidney failure in my later years. Something that runs in my family. I said that my high blood pressure at times makes me feel off which puts me in a slump for a day or two, that monitoring my salt intake is a daily occurence but yet I am human and will slip up with highly processed foods, etc. I mentioned that I have a young family, that I would like to see grow up and that I want to grow with them with hopes of seeing grandkids and that this weight issue or yo-yoing can lead to other family ailments such as diabetes, heart desease, and such. I also described how difficult it is for me to be mobile OR want to be mobile because I deal with joint issues that are painful and the mere thought of going to the gym with the weight is a mental challenge. Lastly, I told her that I would love to do be the size that I was created to be and feel good about myself again, so of the items that I listed I would say less than 5% is vanity. Who wouldn't want to look and feel better?

    After I heard her agree with me, about one month later we were discussing it and she said the same thing that I had dealt with before. Again, I shared with her what I said before but this time edited because she frustrated me to NO END!!! I'm taking her lack of understanding very personal as a means for sabatoging because this time she said; 'If you are not exercising before the surgery, you won't be able to lose the weight and I'm thinking this may not be a good choice for you.' WTF!!! Done! I don't want to lose her friendship, but now I am seeing 'hater' written all over her. I'm beginning to question her motives. Is she nervous about the surgery? Is she nervous about what I may look like? I have lost 87 lbs before...but picked that back up after a while. How do I handle this?
  2. twinn222
    Hello Blade Fox,
    I hate to break this to u, but u may have to except that u can't shared this experience with your friend because of her lack of understanding. To b honest there is nothing wrong with u not sharing this experience with her because she is not supporting u throughout this journey. Just forgive her and share this wonderful experience with your supporters. U may need to consider telling your friend how it makes u feel. I am sure it's not your friend intention to hurt u.
  3. BladeFox
    You're right! I do have a wonderfully supportive husband and teenagers and some supportive co-workers. To think, I have only shared it with 3 close co-workers that I have worked with for only 1 1/2 years and they are more supportive than this friend. Interesting...
  4. hope4me
    Sorry to hear that your friend feel the way she does. But you know what? you have all the support you need. And we are here too. So do what you need to do for yourself. I'm going into my 11th month and I still have no regrets. Here's to better things for you.
  5. Jerzygirl
    Gosh, so sorry to hear that about your friend. Don't let it stop you. In fact, I would no longer discuss it with her. If she brings it up, tell her you don't care to discuss it any further.
  6. BladeFox
    I have resolved not to talk about it with her any longer. Hurts my heart though that she can't or chooses not to understand. If she brings it up, I will stick to the generic responses (yep, good, um-hm, etc.) and continue with another conversation. Knowing her, she will ask why and that's when I'll share with her my disappointment.
  7. cvhunterbrown
    It always annoys me when people say this is the easy way out. It is not easy; you have to get your mind right ( this takes some work); you have to get your body right (liquid diet); the pain that you endure immediately post op (morphine will be your best friend); more liquid diet and so on. It is not easy. Like said in other post, you need to do this for you and for the reasons you stated. There will always be haters.
  8. BladeFox
    Well she brought it up recently, on her own, and I tried to change the subject until she persisted. I then told her that I have decided not to discuss it with her anymore and the reasons why. She brushed that over and changed the subject herself. I just refuse to discuss this personal issue with someone that will not have my back.
  9. chouston
    You are about to be victorious! Some people want understand you winning this battle because they did
    not go through the war with you. You and only you know how you feel in your skin. They look at us and say you need
    to loose a few pounds and when you do, no matter how you do it, they will have something to say. I wonder if it's some hateration going on here?
  10. 540honey
    Wow! I wish you all the luck in the world. In the journey not everybody can stay on the bus with you. I hope this wasn't a long time friend. I am not telling my family or friends because they just would not understand.
  11. BladeFox
    Update: We remained friends, however; now she wants to meet me out for lunch or dinner all the time. As if to rub it in my face. I can handle it because of my restriction, but the last time we went out was the final straw because she proceeded to eat a large dinner in front of me while I watched because she knew that I had just eaten. I did mentioned to her that her plate was super big and how I can't believe that I or anyone could eat like that and that it made me want to throw up. I don't know if she is doing this intentionally or just doesn't have a concern, but I find it rude.
  12. rubixrose
    My own Boyfriend/ Daughters father put me through the same thing up until my surgery he kept asking that I give him my life Insurance info because I am going under and might die. To I am lazy and taking the "white mans way out" After my surgery he now brings home food from my pre sleeved favorite places and eat in my face. HE IS TERRIBLE. But I try to keep focused so I'll have the last laugh.
  13. BillyJ
    Wow. I too decided not to tell anyone about my surgery. I didn't want their opinions. I had to tell my sisters because I needed their help with my autistic son. Thankfully they are super supportive and all three came to help. One from D.C. My husband surprised me the most. He has always said my size didn't matter that he married me this way. When I got home from the hospital he had everything I needed waiting for me. He is so attentive it is starting to get on my nerves. I love him for it though. It is sad to see that some people don't have a good support system. My doctor and all the books I read warned me about that. I decided that if someone asked me how I lost the weight I won't lie but I won't volunteer it. One book said to say diet and exercise because that is still the truth.
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