I would like to hear people's experiences with dating as a large person. I am a woman who has dated and has had a rough time of it. I of course didn't have much confidence, and I usually got rejected. When I didn't get rejected I felt like men thought I would be easy because I was desperate. Yet there are a lot of woman who are heavy and have loving husbands. What am I doing wrong? It's been really hard, I always cried a lot because I got rejected a lot. I am so tired of being alone. As I got heavier I hid more and that's not good. I am hoping that will change for me now. What have others experienced?

I think that is something that we all go through. I have had my admirers but I have also often had the feeling that the guys who I like (who I pick) don't ever like me cuz I'm too fat, or not pretty or something. I went out last night to a swanky lounge in NYC with a friend feeling so confident, and even though I lost 40 pounds, I didn't meet anyone. My friend said I had to "engage" people more! i said how do I do that? She said to make eye contact and smile. I said, "i don't want to look like a whore"! I am so not the bar type. I guess it comes across People have told me my life won't change overnight. Yet after losing 40 pounds, I feel like a whole different person (and in only 2 months it has been very fast).

But after last night, I felt like it was all the same. I guess when the time is right, it will happen.

I was divorced 3 years ago, (over 200 lbs then) and proceeded to sit in my house and eat my way to a 35lb gain. Dating? Wasn't gonna happen. I wouldn't have wanted to date me in the mental\physical condition I was in. Fast forward to 3 months after sleeve surgery and 60lbs gone, (still have 35-40 to go, but I look good now and have my self confidence back)... I've put myself on Match which has been... all right. I've had a few dates, but haven't found anyone special. I'm emailing\texting with a few I've been out with, but nothing exciting happening on that front. They just don't excite me that much... and that's okay. I'm fiercely independent and I've learned to enjoy my own company. Winter is also NOT my best social season as I like to ride motorcycles in my free time and that's obviously not happening right now. I figure, when it happens, it happens. Until then, I'm enjoying my new found social life! I'm trying to live the following line from the Holstee Manifesto, (google it, they are words to live by) "If you're looking for the love of your life, stop. They will be waiting for you when you start doing the things you love".

I have so many things I'm working on right now but it sure would be nice to find someone of the opposite sex just to talk to. I'm only 8 weeks out of surgery and 38 lbs. down, but I'm still big! I don't know who would ever want me like this. I envy those bigger women who have such confidence in themselves. I've been single for 3 years after being in a mentally abusive relationship...all those stinging words are still in my head...and don't get me started on the trust issue. I know not all men are like that, I'm thinking once I lose some more weight and I start feeling better that confidence will attract men. But a nice date to a movie or a date hanging out with friends and a guy would be heaven right now. I'm not dead yet! My mom always says when the time is right, you'll find him. I said yeah, but at my age he better hurry up!

Another thing....I've been out of the dating scene for so long....if it's sex they are after, it isn't gonna happen with me at this weight! I wanna be able to have fun and not worry constantly about my rolls and what he's thinking. But that's just me. I've always been this way..worried what others think.Like I said, I'm working on alot of things right now.LOL

Dating at my biggest was non existent. I was/am always the "crazy" person who wants to be friends first then become more. Which always immediately and permanently puts me in the friendzone. Always the shoulder to cry on and on occasion the bodyguard but that's it. Hehe, probably the worst thing any woman ever told me (while she was trying to say something nice) "I want to find a guy who's just like you, but not you." Shockingly, things like that never helped my confidence. Anywayz no dating for years while I was moving towards my highest weight, but still as I'm losing weight I have no intention to date again. Bad idea or not, I'm a lot happier being alone than I am chasing someone.

I love this site more and more … so often do I say, "Cool, I'm not the only one who feels that way!"

I had surgery almost two months ago, and I've lost just shy of 40 pounds. Although I feel much more confident, I don't go out because I don't have anyone to go with (I moved here last year and haven't really established any decent friendships). I tried the online thing, but canceled my profile once I got back from surgery -- I felt like I should wait, work on myself for a bit, then see about trying to date again. I dunno -- as much as I'd like to find someone again (I divorced two years ago), I worry sometimes that regardless of weight, it's not in the cards.

Thank you to the person who mentioned the Holstee Manifesto -- I needed to hear that line today.

I have a similar problem, Forfourpaws. I need to expand my friendship circle. It has dwindled in the last few years. My closest friend has phobias and is not interested in going out to socialize much. I want to meet this man who works at the same organization as me. I like him and would like to get to know him but it's hard. I am waiting to lose more weight before I try to meet him. I have had my eye on him for a while and from what I hear he is super nice. It's hard to make friends with so little exposure at my age. If you were closer, I would hang out with you.

I feel the same way. I never feel like a guy likes me for me but what I can give them. Maybe if I lose more weight (I've lost a little over 40 so far in the last month and a half) I'll be more confident to date or just go out period

I have gotten heavy enough that my face looks puffy and i have a double chin. I dont like the way i look so i dont go out. I have rosacea now that makes my skin red and i cant wear mascara cause it burns my eyes. That affects confidence