I thought I would start putting my thoughts into Blog form as i think I'm drowning out my close friends with my chatter about my upcoming surgery.
I'll be flying to Puerto Vallarta, MX to have surgery with Dr. Joya on Feb 4th, 2013 and I'm starting to get nervous.
As he requires a liquid diet two weeks pre-op, I decided to ease in a little slower.
As of 1/1/13, I started one liquid meal a day (breakfast) for a week. Starting this week 1/6/13 until 1/19/13 - I'm on to two liquid meals a day (breakfast and dinner). And finally the last two weeks of the month 1/20/13 until my surgery I'll be three liquid meals a day.
I'll say it's not too horrible yet... but as my family bakes a lovely pizza in the oven, I start having my doubts on how easy this all will be.

Fear... my goodness. This word seems to creep into my mind more often these days then I can recall. I've had several surgeries in my life. I've gone through having uterine cancer twice and had several surgeries related and not over the last 10 years... but it seems this one strikes me as so much more major.
When people have asked me what the procedure in-tales and I tell them its the removal of 80% of my stomach... they turn green. Do people not tell there friends and co-workers what they are doing or have done? This is something I'm struggling with. I'm starting to see that telling people only opens a can of worms and flying opinions... I rarely get supportive comments at all. In most cases people are saying things like "are you big enough to have surgery over this??", "have you even tried diet and exercise??"... I MEAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I'm 5'0" and 205 lbs... and have yo/yo'ed 15 lbs for the last decade. I've tried every fad diet: Lemonade detox, acai berry pills, weight waters, HCG shots, Hoodia, walking 3-5 miles a day, voodoo, witch craft, lotions, potions... THE WORKS! It always leads to the same road... weight gain.

Frustrating... the act of having to explain yourself... to others... and yourself.
I feel like I'm always having to justify my actions. Why am I doing this? Why haven't I been able to keep weight off? What if this doesn't work? How will you get enough _________ (i.e. water, calories, nutrients, vitamins, super foods, carbs, gold, sexy back, work outs in, world peace, etc) in over the course of a day?!! The answer always seems to be "I DON'T #%&*! KNOW!!" ... and that's the frustrating part more then anything. What I'd do for a life coach right now...
This is the beginning of a new me... I need this. I'm so sick of being fat, tired, and bitchy about it all. I want to find peace within myself and my eating habits. I need the support of my family, friends and those of strangers that have been through this.

Rant off. See you next week.
==Karee==