this is such a mental journey, from day -15!! Every month there is a new mental phase to go through.

for me these are the mental phases I have been through so far:
1) getting to make this decision. It took me so much to realize that this was the only hope for me. happiness and sadness and hope and fear were all mixed up till the last minute.
2) after surgery my brain needed to accept the new volume of food. the first weeks were surreal, I still remember my first soft food were about 2 spoon total and I felt I was exploding. My brain was compeltely under shock and it took me a while to adjust to that. Now everyone else portion is absurd
3) Scale affecting my mood! Scale addiction! I am getting out of it now
4) first stall.... the hardest thing! I rather have surgery again than be that miserable.
5) Realization that I am becoming obsessed by WLS program. REalization that my rpoblems atre still there and I am still the same mess!!! just skinnier.

many more....

IT is an amazing journey and I am glad I have an equipe of specialist by my side, included a therapist. The mental toll in this WLS is huge, and hormons and emotions are seriously all over the place. Image issue is not eh only one. In my case, the fat around me was giving me a sort of emotional protection. I do realize this now and It is funny (that kind of "funny") realizing that my trusting issues are even bigger now that I am skinnier. My self confidence is even more weak. SO there is lot to do beside losing weight here. For example, to be honest I have lived for so long with my fat body that I got used to it, accepted it and loved it. Now I have this new body, that is not yet mine and I know seems crazy but I have to make it my own now. I think that this journey is more mental than physical by all means.



Any way, THE WL is going well, it slowed down a bit in the past month, but I also exercise less I must say. I have lost 70 lb after surgery and 100 total. I am happy with this but I now seek normality, I seek spending a day without obsessing about my food, my calories, my protein, my exercise, my hair loss, my baggy clothes and so forth and so on. I want to have a better balance and spread my focus on all life activities, such as work, friends, chores, etc.. That is why I think I am less present in the support groups like FB, MFP and here. I am trying to balance things out.

I decided to not log my food every day, but once in a while to make sure I am on the right track. I just want to live the life like it comes natural making the right choices and eating the right amounts. I know myslef well to know that I really need to train myslef to go in automatic mode, and not rely on this special attention and super planning. otherwise it will be not real, other wise the first kick from the life that happens I will fell out of track. I never ever been so focused on myself in my whole life before. I know I need to be some how focused on myself and caring of myself, but this is way too much, I feel I am not living the rest of my life. So I am trying to fit this new life style as part of a regular and normal routine. I think I am doing well food wise, but I should do better job on my exercise. for the first 4 months I was exercising every day and enjoying it. But again, a regimen like that cannot fit in my life style for the rest of my life. I got ill and had a crush in energy, I probably exercised too much. So now I am way more active than before surgery but I should find a 3-4 days regimen that I can stick to on a regular basis. I decided to quit my gym membership and use that money to upgrade the personal trainer sits. Right now I see him once a week and I think is better using that money to see him twice a week instead, so I have to cover 1-2 days bymyself.