My main reason for not sharing with everyone is potential negative impact on my work. Unfortunately I'm working in an environment where some people are constantly maneouvering. I don't do that myself and just tend to focus on my clinical work as much as possible, but I like not to give people ammunition for undermining me. I was quiet about my marriage breakup for the same reason. One time several years ago someone started a completely unfounded and malicious rumour that I was having an affair with a male colleague, someone that I never even sat down and had lunch with. It seemed motivated by the fact we were given a task to lead on creating a new service, and other people felt they should have been picked for the job. It didn't affect my personal life at the time, but it really affected my colleague's marriage and the trust of colleagues in both of us at the time. As you can imagine it then made it hard for us to work closely together as we needed to for the task at hand, so the gossip was somewhat effective in undermining the process. Very very unpleasant, and hard to address as it's all rumour and nobody will admit where it's started. So, I can only begin to imagine how some people would use information like my surgery to make comments about my weakness, or using sick leave or whatever. Jealousy and spite are nasty things to deal with when you're in a situation where you have to work with those people. Like I've said elsewhere, at work I like to focus on my work - my weight, or my marriage or whatever else is irrelevant. When people comment on my weight loss now at work, I say thanks, quickly tell them I've improved my eating if they ask about how I've done it, and then get back to the task at hand. I do the same thing if someone comments on my clothes, or my haircut or whatever. Just not relevant to the workplace, so I don't talk about it. Of course I have some close friends at work who I do share information with - but we tend to make time for that at lunch or after work - we don't mix socialising with work time.

I wish I could like this 100 more times I am 21 and have a set date for march 12th im excited and nervous but not telling everyone what i am doing. i have an aunt who got the band and lost 200 lbs but she didn't do it the correct way and still throws up a lot from it even 5 years out. this had everyone i knew look at WLS as a horrible thing. when i told the few selected people about my choice i knew who was behinds me and who wasn't (all family by the way) said how i was young and should try naturally again (keyword again) it made me extremely sad they thought like this and didn't support me because i would support them in what ever they wanted in life. even going to my doctors office i had a nurse tell me she lost all her weight with out surgery that how i should be doing it (not in a nice tone either) i don't want to tell others because i don't want to be judged like that when they are 374 lb and walk in my shoes then i will take there opinion other then that i really don't want to hear how this is so easy when this is the hardest choice i have ever made in my life. i will tell people around me who ask the something you did because its true i will be on a strict diet monitored by my doctor and i applaud you for sticking to your guns this post has help me feel better tremendously and sorry about it being a bit long

Originally Posted by Rainbow

I like your Attitude azladyrider! I wish i were more like you! I have never had very good self esteem and so its just not in my comfort zone to hand over ammunition to gossipers, have been on the painful end of gossip enough to avoid it whenever possible! but i truly applaud your healthy mental state! Love Rainbow

I think for me I have always had supportive and great friends surrounding me and I know a few not to good friends that have talked sh** when I am not there but they got shut down in about two seconds by my other friends.

Rainbow - you are drop dead GORGEOUS girl!!!! You were pretty before but my god you are stunning now! I have never had the natural look of being attractive so I had to go with funky - lol and funky is something I do well.

Heads up ladies and use that middle finger god gave you for a good cause against your naysayers.

Originally Posted by SDanielleQ

I wish I could like this 100 more times I am 21 and have a set date for march 12th im excited and nervous but not telling everyone what i am doing. i have an aunt who got the band and lost 200 lbs but she didn't do it the correct way and still throws up a lot from it even 5 years out. this had everyone i knew look at WLS as a horrible thing. when i told the few selected people about my choice i knew who was behinds me and who wasn't (all family by the way) said how i was young and should try naturally again (keyword again) it made me extremely sad they thought like this and didn't support me because i would support them in what ever they wanted in life. even going to my doctors office i had a nurse tell me she lost all her weight with out surgery that how i should be doing it (not in a nice tone either) i don't want to tell others because i don't want to be judged like that when they are 374 lb and walk in my shoes then i will take there opinion other then that i really don't want to hear how this is so easy when this is the hardest choice i have ever made in my life. i will tell people around me who ask the something you did because its true i will be on a strict diet monitored by my doctor and i applaud you for sticking to your guns this post has help me feel better tremendously and sorry about it being a bit long

That nurse sounds like an AS**ole. I hope you reported her to the doctor.

SO glad you RE-POSTED!!!!! Because I've never read this!!!!!! I love what you said you tell people about losing weight!!!!! Low-carb and small amounts and under a doctors care!!!!! SMART lol!!!!! Hope you don't mind IF I use it!!!!!! Love it and thanks!!!!!!

Thanks for re-posting. I have opted NOT to tell people about my upcoming surgery as well, and for the same reasons. I am glad I found this community and can come vent/share here. It makes things a lot easier! BTW, you look gorgeous, darlin'!

Rainbow, you Rock!! I had decided with my husband that we would not share this surgery info with anyone. Not even my grown children. Perhaps in later years I might be more forthcoming but for now - this is my personal journey and my husband supports me..What more could I want. It is wonderful to be able to read of other persons going through the same struggle that I have had with my weight. We all have different reasons and now each of us have the same goal. A healthy weight for a much healthier life.. Thank you for your posts.

I could actually just repost this as my own words! We are all in the same boat. Incredible. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you for reposting this. When I was reading it, I kept thinking "this is me, this is me". I made the mistake of telling my sister/mother and both were very unsupportive and it has upset me. I do get a lot of support from my fiance and my father but I didnt really tell anyone else. It really is no one's business and I don't want to be judged. I get judged enough because of my weight, I dont need someone judging me how I am going to lose the weight.

Thank you again!!! Very inspirational ! Btw I am going to use the one I am under a dr's care, maybe that will shut people up !

Well i dont think I re-posted this, somebody was prolly just reading through my Bloggs and commented and thats what kicked it to the main feed! But if you go to my profile page you can click on the little blue link under my photo that says "view blog entry's" and you will be able to read all my stuff from the last couple years! so knock yourself out! Love Rainbow

Originally Posted by flipflopgirl

SO glad you RE-POSTED!!!!! Because I've never read this!!!!!! I love what you said you tell people about losing weight!!!!! Low-carb and small amounts and under a doctors care!!!!! SMART lol!!!!! Hope you don't mind IF I use it!!!!!! Love it and thanks!!!!!!

Thanks for the repost rainbow. I find it so disturbing on how people treat me now to how they did back when I was skinny. I let my mom know I was thinking about the sleeve and her reaction was so disheartening I told her I backed out but I’m going for it and the only one who knows are me and my husband. I think I might use the same lines about a Drs care and low carb diet to get rid of those monkeys on my back.

Originally Posted by azladyrider

That nurse sounds like an AS**ole. I hope you reported her to the doctor.

i didnt she later told me on a different appt. that she use to be 240lbs and lost it all naturally so i should trust me if i could it would be done already but there is a huge difference between 230 and 384 what i was at the time i just let her out in her opinion and ignored her rudeness.

Love your post, and what you said unfortunately is too true. Fat has become the acceptable "prejudice" in our society, and others. When you are overweight, someone that has never gone thru it looks at us like fat is ugly, and that we are lazy, stupid, unclean, and dumb....invisable except to be ridiculed...I work in a hospital and my coworkers have made horrible comments about the obese pts that they have to care for, and Im always wondering what is being said behind my back...I can only imagine....Obesity IS an epidemic in this country, that really needs to be taken care of quick, instead of made fun of...I love the just eat less and exercise more and you can be thin advise, really? Would love to tell them why dont you tell that to Oprah, if someone has proved that you CANT loose weight easily its her, and hmmm, I dont see her as a lazy ugly dumb unclean person.....

Love the post. My sister actually lied to everyone about her WLS, saying she did it with weight watchers. She even lied to me when told her I know she had a Roux -N-Y and since I was working on the Bariatric Surgery Unit if she had any problems she could ask me as a resource, because my mother had told me she was having problems, having to be readmitted, mostly due to non-compliance. She to this day, 4 years after surgery continues to deny it to my face.
Due to her non-compliance she has gained much of her weight back, so to the world it looks like a WW failure. However, wonder if she had been honest at least to her family and friends (she even lied to her new husband - which in the long run doomed the mariage) if she would have been more motivated to follow the plan, and friends and family would not have been offering her second portions, sweets and such.
I origanally told everyone that commented and wanted to know what I was doing to lose weight about the sleeve. However, based on some of the negative reactions Rainbow mentions learned just to say " i have a secret weapon" and let it go. I did let those close to me know so that they do understand why am eating the small meals, etc. Also if someone is contemplating WLS will tell them about my experience.
I guess the lesson is - there has to be good judgement as to who to tell and who not.

Originally Posted by Rainbow

This is an older post, i had it in a different Forum post, but wanted to put it on my blog page for the newbies! Sorry for the RE-Post hope you all dont mind, but i didn't know how else to move it!
Love Rainbow

I'm grateful that you reposted this blog entry. I'm in the very beginning stages of the sleeve process & I'm really struggling with my decision to tell people. I'm leaning towards not. Who knows I may change my mind but for now this is my blessed secret!
Glenda

For anyone choosing to not tell the truth of how they lost the weight, isn't that a little ... well... deceptive? I would feel like a fraud if I didn't tell the truth but oh well... to each their own I guess.

I'm fairly new here and I Can relate to everything you are saying, I am 50 yrs old and will be sleeved on June 4, when I was 30 and under I was HOTTTTTTT. kids stress you know how it goes and then the dieting, so I am getting sleeved, but my mom was here for a visit last year and she was on the phone with a old friend of ours ( I liv at the beach) and I Heard her say oh my god no she could never wear a bikini those days are long gone, now till this day she doesn't know I heard her and she is back in New mexico when she lives , but it hurt really bad have had all the same comments you have such a beautiful face, I feel like saying screw you but I don't, so thank you for your post it is the best thing I have ever read on here

I have a friend who I found out is talking sh** behind my back to all of our mutual friends like OMG Sue is getting too skinny etc. She keeps coming up to me when I see her, which is all the time, and asking if I am ok. One of my best friends told her to knock it off or I was going to go off on her one day - it's embarrassing to constantly be reminded I got too thin and besides I have no intention of gaining more than maybe 5 pounds back so anyway sure enough we were at a wedding two weeks ago and she started in LOUDLY on me again so I got just as loud and asked her WTF was her obsession with MY weight? Things got verrrrrry quiet for a second as I walked off. lol She apologized later and I told her to just knock it off. What I didn't tell her was her husband asked me for the name of my surgeon cause he wants HER to get this done too lol

I didn't tell either. I so far have only told 4 people besides my husband. Two are my son and d-I-l as they moved in with us about a month before and they caught us coming home from the hospital and I was a bit wobbly. They were worried something was seriously wrong so I had to share. One my bff who I wasn't going to tell but she was noticing changes in my eating and was quizzing me etc. And one a friend at work who I trust. No one else. Why? I don't know - part is embarrassment for just what they believe (the easy way out) Embarrassment for not being able to do it on my own and scared that it won't work in the long run (many gastric bypass patients that I've seen gain it back). This is not always an easy decision. It's very lonely and scarey all at once. I think everyone needs to make their own decisions. There is no right or wrong - good luck to you!

I know this is really old, but I just have to say that I absolutely loved this! It explains so well why i hate hearing comments about weight loss. Why on earth is everyone so fucking concerned with my weight???

I am not telling people about the surgery either. I told one friend and her immediate reaction was very judgmental. She went on about how I make poor choices therefore I am using this as an easy way out. In the end I explained things and she got to see things from my perspective. But I feel like I really had to sell this surgery. And ya know what, I am an adult and I dont have to explain myself to anymore. Therefore, I am not telling a soul.

Originally Posted by Rainbow

This is an older post, i had it in a different Forum post, but wanted to put it on my blog page for the newbies! Sorry for the RE-Post hope you all dont mind, but i didn't know how else to move it!
Love Rainbow

I love your post ! It is exactly how I feel! I was always the pretty skinny one in my family and when I gained weight it is as if everyone was excited about it! I really feel like I can't win because if I lose weight they say I look sick! I have also chose not to tell anyone I am getting the sleeve! You post helps me not feel guilt with this decision! Thanks again!

Originally Posted by Rainbow

This is an older post, i had it in a different Forum post, but wanted to put it on my blog page for the newbies! Sorry for the RE-Post hope you all dont mind, but i didn't know how else to move it!
Love Rainbow

Very well said, I can relate to everything you said. I didn't tell anyone (not even my mom) for 3 months. I now get "you cheated" comment or I see the disappointment in their face. Thank you for sharing.

Originally Posted by Rainbow

This is an older post, i had it in a different Forum post, but wanted to put it on my blog page for the newbies! Sorry for the RE-Post hope you all dont mind, but i didn't know how else to move it!
Love Rainbow

Thank you for this older post .. I wondered about this question.
I have told 2 friends and also that I am not telling anyone else.
Let's see how quiet they are or are not..then I will know if I can trust them.

Yes I cannot wait until my feet do not hurt and I can walk again without huffing and Puffing and not because I'm blowing the house down!

3 weeks away