I feel like all I ever do is complain, and I feel that way because it's true. There's always one crisis after another hitting my family, and I always feel like I'm at my breaking point. How I'm still here I'll never know.

I still have ongoing major pain with my left shoulder and neck. I've gone to all the appointments, done everything exactly as I've been instructed, nothing has helped. Doctor at last appointment noticed I have obvious weakening on my left side (my dominant side) and has decided it is time for surgery. I see the surgeon on the 15th. This is the easiest part of my woes.

Friday a week ago I got a call from my mother. My daddy has lung cancer. I cannot go any further into this because it is just too much for me to bear.

Yesterday while attending a family reunion, my kids and I were all playing a game up Heads Up on the phone. It was Meg's turn. She did great. I noticed she seemed to be a little more shaky than usual and turned to my oldest daughter and said so. Not a second later Coke went flying, and I though what the fuck is happening. I looked at Meg and was instantly horrified. She was having a full blown grand Mal seizure. It got chaotic from there. She was taken to the hospital via ambulance. They only did a CT scan which I told them before they did it would come back normal. When this happened before, we didn't know Meg's brain was bleeding until an MRI. CT came back clear then just like it did yesterday. They refused to do an MRI even with her hostory!! They think that she was having withdrawal from her antianxiety medication from not taking it for 3 days. I hopened they're right. But they freaking released her!!! I am scared shitless. I will be on the phone with her neurologist first thing tomorrow morning (he's 4 hours away). For now we're watching her like a hawk. She seems ok.

You guys, I'm so stressed out. I have too much on my plate. I had just spent three days in Auburn at camp War Eagle with my youngest baby getting her all ready to start college. I feel like I am breaking, and I'm scared.

On the bright side, I guess, none of this has had any negative effect on my eating. I've gained so much weight! I was up to 114 lbs yesterday. I can't remember the last time I weighed this much, but it was during the losing phase. I'm good here. I don't want to keep gaining. Guess we'll see what happens with that, but it is absolutely the very least of my concerns.