I dont think you should feel this way. Your making a change. When refering to how you used to be, people tend to make it seem like you looked a lot worse and alot bigger than you actually were so you could feel like youve come a long way and feel better about yourself. Im sure he woldnt do this to harm you or make you feel any way bad. I do that with myself. When looking at my before pictures, im like OMG i was huge! And it only allows me to look at myself now and say look how far ive come!.... You are doing an amazing job. Please continue to do so. Look at how far you've come and you can only see success ahead of you.

Hi: You are NOT wrong . But you know what? People sometimes say stupid things and don't realize it. I don't think your Dad meant to hurt your feelings. Hang in there!!

You have every right to feel hurt. He's your father and given his history you were expecting him to be more supportive. I am not sure what type of relationship you have with your father but I would suggest you let him know how much that hurt - and which will, hopefully, teach him how to treat you in the future.

Good luck and you keep up your head up....as someone mentioned before you are making changes....and will continue to do so.

I think your dad has serious, unresolved issues regarding his own weight. It has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes words can hurt just as much as physical pain. I would tell him how you feel and please be considerate of your feelings as well

You are not wrong to feel this way. It is unfortunate but we women will always be judged on our looks. It is ingrained in us for a very early age and it is very hard to break from of the idea that our worth is found in someone else's eyes. We don't just have to be good, we have to look good doing it.

Just remember you are doing this for your health and if others think you look good along the way, all the better. You are still the same great person you always were, just now you are in different packaging.

That's so sad..and yes I wud of been hurt also.

I'm so sorry. those are hurtful words. hugs to you. can you talk with him and express your feelings?

You def are not wrong to feel that way. Obviously your dad didn't realize how insensitive his comments were. Having a weight issue of his own... He should know better. You are doing an AMAZING job so don't let words bring you down... YOUR SUCCESS IS FABULOUS!!

Ok, I think in his own, weird way, he was bragging on you. Obviously I don't know your father, but from what you said, he started out saying how good your are looking, how proud of you he was, and that before, you were........but now you're doing well.

Some men have a strange way of expressing themselves. Perhaps you should try and appreciate his intentions. We have all said things before that came out wrong, when we were trying to compliment someone or be supportive.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.......FUCK HIM.........THAT IS NOT LOVE......BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING, LOVE YOU, RESPECT YOU AND EXPECT IT FROM THOSE WHO LOVE YOU. HUGS AND YOUR DOING GREAT.

That was very wrong of your dad, especially with him fighting his own overweight battles in the past. Don't let that bring you down. He knows where you've been now show him where you are going.
I had my work ID on top of the kitchen table yesterday. My 15 year old picks it up looks at the picture and then says, "I didn't know you were this fat" I looked at it also, I don't recognize that person any more. I was 260 pounds in that picture, now I'm a healthy 122!
It's possible, you just have to want it!

Sorry, hit post by accident. You are doing great, keep up the great work!

For what ever reason (that has nothing to do with you) your dad is an ass. There is nothing you can do or say to change that. All you can do it protect yourself from it (you've probably used food to do that in the past). It is so sad to see adult children putting themselves in harms way with their parents hoping the parent will change. It's not going to happen. There may equally be issues in your dad's past that cause him to be the way he is, but again, you can't change that. But what you can do is show your children how to have some self respect by refusing to be abused yourself. You are not required to be in his company. And if it's your house he's in, kick him out. Biology does not entitle relationship.

Wow. At best, it was a thoughtless attempt at humor that failed miserably. At worst, it was just plain mean. In either case, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your father. Whether he has lingering weight issues or just trouble expressing himself, they were his words and you do not have to carry them around. Years ago, my oldest sister (who is mildly retarded) came up to me and out of nowhere said, "I think you're really pretty...on the inside." I know my sister, I know she meant well and I simply smiled and thanked her, but yeah, it's stuck with me half my life. You're not 'wrong' to feel hurt, but I think it is a mistake to focus on that hurt rather than all the progress you've made. 50 pounds! Put your head in that place and put the rest behind you.

I think that because he is your father and because he has also struggled with his weight, he was surprisingly insensitive. Was that his motivation? No, I can't imagine it was. My dad says dumb things all the time only because it's awkward for him to ever express pride or whatever he's trying to supply to be supportive. He is proud of you. We are all proud of you. He just totally failed in the delivery -- even though it wasn't meant for your ears.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and support. I did tell my dad that his words hurt my feelings. Like many of you said he didn't mean them as hurtful he was just trying to be explicit in the improvement in my appearance with the 50 lb weight loss. It sill kinda sticks in the back of my mind but I'm trying to let it go. I know I am doing well and I am doing this to be happy and healthy and live a long life for my kids. Thanks for the support! Being able to vent and receive support an input from all of you really does help! Thanks again!

Men are not stupid, they just don't think. He knew exactly what he was saying, and making excuses for him, only hurts you, and your children.

You don't want to know what I think about this situation, because this is not the first time your dad has done this to you, and it wont be the last.

What I will say though, is Best of luck to you, and keep up your good work=-

Of course you will feel hurt by your father's words. Every person wants their parents both to love and cherish them exactly as they are and also to be proud of your achievements. It tells you something deep about what you can't get from this relationship that your Dad would speak about you this way, and that's a sad thing. My father, who I love and we now get on very well, often doesn't understand me or my choices and has inadvertently hurt me along the way about various things (not my weight though).

BUT, you have a choice about letting this knock your confidence. As an adult, your sense of self no longer needs to rely heavily on the opinions or feelings of others. It's a tough habit to break because you've been doing it for so long - listening to your parents views of you and letting it guide you, and thinking that it's representative of how the world views things. If you've had poor self-confidence in the past it also makes it harder to keep your sense of self strong when it's been knocked by someone else.

So here's the thing. Yes there are people in the world (and plenty of 'em) who think and or say mean and nasty things about people being overweight. We all know that. We can't change that. It's a form of bigotry and it tells us about them, not us. If someone says "women are inferior to men and should stay home and do the ironing", this doesn't make me question my equal value to men and take a great interest in chores, it just makes me think that this person has a distorted and disappointing view of the world. If someone makes a racist comment, it doesn't change my view about the equality of races on the basis of something so superficial as skin colour. If someone makes a rude comment about my grandson who was born without one hand, it doesn't make me think he's less valuable or lovable or an amazing miracle in the world.

Same with being overweight. It's a superficial thing, it doesn't change the core value of who we are. I was and still am good at my job and very hardworking, a loving wife, a good daughter, a great friend, a person with a good sense of humour etc. Being fat or thin doesn't make the slightest bit of difference to those things. I'm just now that person in a much healthier body. And really the primary person affected by my health is me. So everyone else who has something negative to say about my weight, or my surgery etc, can knock themselves out having that opinion. Doesn't matter at all to me.

The short version of what I've said above? My weight problem does not excuse anyone for the basics of respect, politeness and consideration. My response? ... "Fuck 'em"

Oh, if I had a nickel for every insensitive comment I've heard from people that I know love me! I, too, have been guilty of saying some dumb, inappropriate stuff and later wondering what I was thinking. So, cut him some slack and believe him when he tells you he didn't mean anything by it. So glad you are doing so well! Keep up the good work!

I can relate.... my father lives in the same house as me and my mother (and my sister before she moved off) My father has always called me fat, big un, huge, heavy, etc. It hurts more than strangers, friends, etc because you would think they would try to comfort you not make fun, or call names. The anger I have when he says this gives me motivation to push though

Originally Posted by ohrachel07

I can relate.... my father lives in the same house as me and my mother (and my sister before she moved off) My father has always called me fat, big un, huge, heavy, etc. It hurts more than strangers, friends, etc because you would think they would try to comfort you not make fun, or call names. The anger I have when he says this gives me motivation to push though

I am so sorry for you. No one deserves to be treated like that. I just wonder about the decision to live with someone who treats the people they "love" so painfully.

My dad hurt my feelings about a week before the surgery. I heard him tell someone that he didn't think I would really do it. (That I didn't have the will power to go through surgery and change my eating habits). That was my push to go through with it. And I have to say now... he always saying how much skinnier I look. Sometimes people just don't think before they speak