Here I am just days a from having my surgery.

I am thrilled at my healing ability. I healed quick from my c section 7 years ago so good to see still the same. Slight discomfort but no pain killers since 3 days after surgery. I can sleep on either side. Get in and out of bed well. And the scale is treating me fair. I do get tired. Did about 35 min of shopping and was happy to be home today. Driving for the first time was fine. I'm lucky my love of water is helping me sip all day (when not on breaks due to food). The full feeling does not feel good. For me colder water is much easier.

But I'm kinda sad. I guess the depth of how much my life has changed. Anger that I let me self get so bad that I had to do something so drastic to get control. I dread meal times. Each bottle of water is an enemy. The struggle of how to get the protien in. Which vitamins when and how. I have no desire for food. Don't think I have felt any hunger. Will I spend my life measuring my water consumption? The mental part is as big as the physical part. I worry about my hair leaving me.

Hubby sees me down a bit and tries to make me laugh. Comments about how bad it was watching me gorge myself on that 2 oz bowl of applesauce.

Maybe I'd be better if I went back to work. Yes I get tired but I can work short hours and from home.

I feel bad been So down when I do have Alot to be happy about.

I was not prepared for the mental battle.