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I can say... I am struggling. I have been at 170 for at least 8 months (If I include the 2 months since my last post). This is the longest stall... it if is indeed a stall. I am beginning to think this is just my foundational weight and this may be the end of my journey. I still eat half meals... I can eat almost everything... but will upchuck what doesn't agree with me. I go to the gym daily and have event attempted Hot Yoga to shock my system. I started at 235 ...
I know that this is journey... I know that I shouldn't be so preoccupied with the numbers. But now that I am able to get on the scale and actually not have an anxiety attack... I find that I am weighing myself weekly. And the Damn thing is stuck between 170-175!!! It has been that way for the last 2 months! I remember going through the 180's thinking that I would never break the stall at that time. But when I did... It gave me hope! But here we are again!!!! ...
NOW GOING INTO THIS... APPROXIMATELY 7 MONTHS AGO... I WAS FULL OF HOPE AND ANTICIPATION... ALWAYS PREOCCUPIED WITH THE OUTCOME. Always wondering about if this journey would yield results and if the possibilities were real. As I look back on the last 6 months... I can't pinpoint the exact times when the weights came off... if I was doing something purposeful to make it happen... or if I was even reassured about the process. All I could literally focus on was... FOOD... can I eat ...
I find that we can often be our own WORST critics. I know that I have had a struggle with the reality versus my own warped body images and disbelief in possible success. I often wanted to disguise this as being HUMBLE and grateful that I just feel better on a day to day basis since I got sleeved. But really it was a buffer in case the sleeve didn't pan out to be the success that it has for others. I have spent the last four months... still dodging the scale, still dodging the mirror, ...
Everyday... all day... people i encouter everywhere are saying... "You are so pretty!" Wow... You look so pretty. Pfynss... you are so pretty! Now I know this is a good thing. I truely appreciate every compliment and every word.... each gesture of kindness. And I remain humble each time I say 'Thank You'! I still struggle with eating, getting foods to stay down, getting enuff calories, not upchucking and not being so consumed with eating and weightloss. ...