What do you tell your children? What about family meals?

[grammargirl0309]

Another thing I've been thinking about: I have two kids, a toddler and a 5 year old. My daughter is very aware of things, and she'll want to know why I'm going away and when I'll be back. She'll also notice post-op if I'm not feeling well and that I'm only drinking liquids. Do we tell her I'm going away for work and later tell her I am having tummy issues? That seems like the safest lie, but it's a lie. I'm just not sure how much she can process, and I don't want to scare her.

Also, following the surgery, I won't be able to eat normal foods for weeks, so what do we do about family meals, and again what do I tell my daughter? How have those of you with kids handled this?

[Rae]

My son is 11 and knows everything. I showed him my book from the doctor and let him ask anything he wanted to know. When he was much younger I was hospitalized and my parents were told to make arrangements for me as they did not believe I would live through the weekend. We just kept the visits short and focused on how much he enjoyed eating chicken strips from there and my mom would take him down to the cafeteria.

[CtryGodess]

I have a 6 year old boy that I have 50/50 custody of with my ex. I worked with him so that he would be with dad when I had my surgery and for the first couple weeks after. I told him a few weeks before the surgery that I was going to have a surgery on my tummy. I explained that I wasnt sick, but the surgery would help me be healthy so I can have the energy to play with him and not be so tired all the time. I also explained that after the surgery, I wouldnt be able to eat the same things I have been able to eat. I explained that I would still make dinner for him and if it was something I couldnt eat, then I would have a little bit different dinner than him. I told him some of the things I couldnt eat and drink like soda, candy, bread, crackers, popcorn, rice, ice cream...etc. The more I talked to him about it, the easier it was. I promised I would call him when I was in the hospital so he knew I was ok and that I would stop by his dad's house on my way home from the hospital so he could see that I was ok. I stopped by and he said 'Mom, so are you a little bit skinny now?' Warmed my heart! Its been almost 6 months since my surgery and he pretty much knows what I can and cant eat/drink. If he isnt sure, he asks, Mom, can you eat this? I believe in telling kids the truth, but you dont need to get too graphic with the little ones. Tell them as much as you are comfortable with, but reassure them that you will be fine, your new tummy is just healing. =)
About a month ago, he was laying in bed with me watching cartoons one morning, he had his cold feet between my legs to warm them up, as he usually does. He asked me 'Mom, do you have any fat still?' I told him I still had a bit left and I asked him why. He answered 'Cuz I can feel your bones!' Yay!!!

[Tabby]

I told my three year old grandson the truth. I told him Grandma was to heavy and I needed to get smaller so I can have more energy to play with him. He listened and when the time came, he told everyone Grandma was at a hotel. lol. When I got home, I showed him my staples and told him he had to be real careful or it would hurt me and I would have to go back to the hospital. He didn't want that so he's been a real sweetheart. He makes sure I have plenty to drink. I make sure there are two crystal lite lemonades on the plate to drink, and we have it together. He has "sympathy" pains and tells me his tummy hurts too, but he's so adorable with it. I think honesty is always the best policy. Children are very adaptive and non-judgemental.

[grammargirl0309]

My biggest worry with telling my daughter would be her telling others, her teachers, neighbors, even my parents. I haven't decided if I want to tell my mom at all because she has a no boundaries, and I don't want everyone to know. I'm very private, and I don't like to talk to many people about my personal life, and this is up there with things that are very personal. That's why I love these kinds of forums where you can be anonymous to a degree.

[Jersey John]

I was totally honest and up front with my girls 6 and 10. Of course on their level, I explained I needed to do this to get healthy - and btw tummy issues is not technically a lie, its just purposefully ambiguous

I too was hesitant to share with the world my intentions, but now that I did it I tell whoever will listen about the best decision I ever made and how my health has improved. People were noticing and commenting anyway, so I just answered with the truth - my health issues necessitated a rather minor bariatric procedure - which has been a tremendous success and the best thing I ever did!

[Minnie Mouse]

Honesty is the best policy. When you prepare a meal, you can fix something for you and share it with them also. They offer me a frie or a taste of their food, and I accept it with no guilt. It's okay if you can eat it.Lol...Bonnie

[Charlie]

I haven't told Everyone including members of my family. Most people like to give there opinion which I don't need and as for little children they don't understand so just tell them you need a small proceedure done they won't think about it in a week or so and they dont notice that you eat less. Good luck with your journey.

[grammargirl0309]

I like the idea of talking about a "tummy issues," which is indeed ambiguous.

Charlie, I'm with you on not wanting ot hear all the opinions.

[Rae]

I don't have to tell anyone. My parents tell EVERYONE. They are so happy!

[mommyducky]

My daughter just turned three and she really doesn't understand much about this. She came to visit me in the hospital on the second day and was fascinated by my iv so I explained that it was giving mommy liquids and nutrients that she needed and I told her I have a "booboo" in my tummy. So she was very careful not to hurt me when I came home. Also now she knows I have to eat at certain times and she will sometimes sit next to me and remind me to eat (she must have learned that bit from my mother but it's actually cute when she does it). The other day I was not eating the meal I had in front of me and she said, with an adorable serious look on her face, "Mommy! Eat!" hehe. I love my little munchkin. Sometimes she offers me bites of her food and I tell her that mommy isn't allowed to eat that so she says, "mommy not allowed this?" and I say no and then after a couple tries she remembers.

[mommyducky]

I don't have to tell anyone. My parents tell EVERYONE. They are so happy!

My mom is the same way, telling everyone how much I've already lost and how great I look haha. So now my entire family knows. Only my coworkers and friends I'm not really close to don't know and I don't plan on ever telling them. My work knows I had surgery because I had to take time off but they think it was because I was sick or something (I got a lot of "you look well" comments when I came by hehe) but nobody noticed (or at least no one mentioned) my weight loss at work yet. Maybe next month they'll start noticing. Hehe. It's interesting because you expect people who know about the surgery to compliment you on your loss but once people who don't know about it start to notice, that's when you know you're doing well.

[grammargirl0309]

lee, your little girl sounds adorable! Gotta love kids.

I am just a very private person, and I don't like people to know too much about my personal life. I don't want them to notice if I gain weight, and I don't want the attention when I lose weight.

[mommyducky]

lee, your little girl sounds adorable! Gotta love kids.

I am just a very private person, and I don't like people to know too much about my personal life. I don't want them to notice if I gain weight, and I don't want the attention when I lose weight.

My daughter is hilarious. She noticed I was eating purees and she asked me what I was eating one night when we were having dinner together so told her it was the same thing she was eating but mashed up like baby food. So she said that I was a baby and she was the mommy and started trying to do "mommy" things like feeding "the baby" (me). Hehe.

[aurora4124]

Lee, your daughter sounds completely adorable!!