HELP!!! I'm thin now but my 7 yr old is following my old lifestyle and gaining rapidly...

[Ltnagirl]

How about a pet? a little puppy to keep her active ... she can walk the puppy, run and chase the puppy ... or sign her up for physical activity she may enjoy (dance, martial art, swimming ... ) anything extra to keep her focused on other things besides eating but don't tell her its for exercise. Don't talk about losing weight. Take her to the store and have her pick out a fun lunch bag she can put her healthy snacks in. She can also carry her water ... when she goes walking or out on one of her fun activities she can take her special bag.

[OAM]

I have a niece who had bypass along with her husband 2 years ago. They have a daughter together who is just four and she has this problem. She has very limited access to anything unhealthy, but like your daughter with the strawberries, my great-niece can out-eat anyone, she just never seems to fill up. She will eat her food, move on to her big brothers plate and finish off his food and still she says she is hungry. I know it's hard to help kids loose weight and still keep their self-esteem in tact. The good thing is you are catching this early so you can help her before her eating and weight gets completely out of control, and hopefully she won't go through what so many of us have. Kudos to you.

[brightnessofhope]

I have to chime in here. I was your little girl. My mother was very beautiful and thin and watched her weight. She did not know what to do with her little "husky" girl (or was it "Missy"- before there was "Plus"). She put me on countless diets, which I went on happily, with her. I spent most of my days on my roller skates or my bike. Dessert was something reserved for the weekends. My father was thin. My sibs were thin. Yet I wasn't. Probably 10-20% above my ideal weight- this became the polarizing definition of my life. Don't let that happen to your little girl. My advice would be-STOP talking about it. Stop making it an issue. Make healthy foods and have healthy foods and have the occasional treats, but DON"T TALK ABOUT HER WEIGHT. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT. Talk about hunger and fullness. Period. You've ruled out the possibility of psychological trauma and physical issues related to weight. So it's behavioral. I knew there was something about me that wasn't acceptable to my mother/family. So I snuck food. Didn't matter what. I knew it wasn't "safe" to take more than the acceptable serving, so I'd sneak it later. I doubt fullness or hunger ever crossed my mind. I just wanted. Something. Maybe read about the "Five Love Languages" and find out which one your daughter responds to or needs. We really all have different ones and the way you feel love is most often the way you show it- but it may not be the way your daughter feels it. Of course you love your daughter more than anything in the world. I just know for myself, now, as an adult, I can look back with wisdom and see what it was that I was lacking and I believe I used food to fill that void. Also, I often wonder if my weight had not been made such an issue if perhaps by the time I hit puberty I would have evened out, lost that baby fat, and been fine. But unfortunately, the ground work had been laid. I no longer had a healthy relationship with food. People didn't approve of me eating so I had to hide it. It became a guilty pleasure. Luckily, my kiddos have had no issue. I did everything opposite as it was done for me. I don't withhold dessert as a punishment, no enforcing of cleaning the plate. The most important thing is to focus your daughter on her wonderful qualities. Don't focus on her weight, or she may come to have her weight be her defining quality, and worse, may even come to believe that it's the only quality that you see in her. That is how it eventually became for my mom and me. Don't label foods good and bad either- or banish "junk" foods entirely from her diet. That only sets the heart to want (desperately) what it cannot have. That creates binge eating. My husband's step father locked all of his treats away from the kids (literally) and he and his sibs all have weight issues and binge eat. Food for thought. I really wish you and your daughter the best on your journey.

[blessedahf]

My niece was a little heavier at that age but once her mom put her in soccer and cheerleading she slimmed down nicely.Attachment 18809

I put her in soccer last year and she didn't like sweating. She hates to sweat. She loves to walk, like around the neighborhood and stuff. But actively doing a sport especially in the sun, she's not so keen. I checked into cheerleading a couple weeks back because she's mentioned that, and there's nothing around here. When I was little the rec dept had anything and everything you wanted to play or do. Here and now, there's a cheer thing but its like the real deal...they go to championships and its for the "serious" cheerleaders. No "just for fun, get active" teams like when I was little

[blessedahf]

I have to chime in here. I was your little girl. My mother was very beautiful and thin and watched her weight. She did not know what to do with her little "husky" girl (or was it "Missy"- before there was "Plus"). She put me on countless diets, which I went on happily, with her. I spent most of my days on my roller skates or my bike. Dessert was something reserved for the weekends. My father was thin. My sibs were thin. Yet I wasn't. Probably 10-20% above my ideal weight- this became the polarizing definition of my life. Don't let that happen to your little girl. My advice would be-STOP talking about it. Stop making it an issue. Make healthy foods and have healthy foods and have the occasional treats, but DON"T TALK ABOUT HER WEIGHT. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT. Talk about hunger and fullness. Period. You've ruled out the possibility of psychological trauma and physical issues related to weight. So it's behavioral. I knew there was something about me that wasn't acceptable to my mother/family. So I snuck food. Didn't matter what. I knew it wasn't "safe" to take more than the acceptable serving, so I'd sneak it later. I doubt fullness or hunger ever crossed my mind. I just wanted. Something. Maybe read about the "Five Love Languages" and find out which one your daughter responds to or needs. We really all have different ones and the way you feel love is most often the way you show it- but it may not be the way your daughter feels it. Of course you love your daughter more than anything in the world. I just know for myself, now, as an adult, I can look back with wisdom and see what it was that I was lacking and I believe I used food to fill that void. Also, I often wonder if my weight had not been made such an issue if perhaps by the time I hit puberty I would have evened out, lost that baby fat, and been fine. But unfortunately, the ground work had been laid. I no longer had a healthy relationship with food. People didn't approve of me eating so I had to hide it. It became a guilty pleasure. Luckily, my kiddos have had no issue. I did everything opposite as it was done for me. I don't withhold dessert as a punishment, no enforcing of cleaning the plate. The most important thing is to focus your daughter on her wonderful qualities. Don't focus on her weight, or she may come to have her weight be her defining quality, and worse, may even come to believe that it's the only quality that you see in her. That is how it eventually became for my mom and me. Don't label foods good and bad either- or banish "junk" foods entirely from her diet. That only sets the heart to want (desperately) what it cannot have. That creates binge eating. My husband's step father locked all of his treats away from the kids (literally) and he and his sibs all have weight issues and binge eat. Food for thought. I really wish you and your daughter the best on your journey.

Thank you for your input. I do understand why it would be important not to focus on her weight. If people could see in my brain right now, my hair would be singed sticking straight up right now. I feel fried. This is a very hard spot to be in. Knowing how to balance, how to not damage her, but loving her enough to not let it get out of control. Prayer is what I need. And is what I'm doing. And yes, I've read the 5 love languages. Hers is definitely quality time. Which I need to give to her more. And I am guilty of locking away the candy, especially at Easter and halloween. And I think you are probably right.. Thanks for you help.

[denise.jordan39]

I think we are all missing something - doctors included. I have a daughter that weighs over 300 pounds. She also started about 8-9 gaining. I was afraid to push too hard. Learned years later she was sneaking food, and we were eating crappy. However, the whole "I'm hungry all the time" seems to be real. My husband says it too. He has to make himself stop eating. He's recently lost weight, but only because he became diabetic. I think it scared him because he has a friend who ignored the doctor and just recently had his leg amputated because of diabetes. Anyway, my point is, the insatiable hunger is real. Could they have something whether environmental or diet that prevents the brain from getting the "I'm full" signal? Wish someone would research it instead of just assuming it's just the person's fault. You've all heard it. "Just eat healthy and exercise" says every skinny person we know. I wish you luck. I also agree with others. Start cooking together, exercising together. Get a batch of vegetables and fat free greek yogurt with dill in your fridge and tell her she can have as much as she wants of it.

[SethP]

There is research out there that shows that Candida is wide spread in America. It comes from the sugar added to all the processed foods. It causes you t crave more of the bad stuff and makes you HUNGRY all the time. If we start weeding out the processed foods and the excess sugars out of our lifestyles then our body balances out and the cravings go away. Do some research and you will see that in the early 1900s the average person ate about 4lbs of sugar a year and now research shows that the average American consumes over 100lbs a year. That is a massive swing in the wrong direction. The more sugars we eat the more we crave. I KNOW that I struggle with it and I have the sleeve. I feel hungry a lot of the times and I have to find something that is high in protiens to help keep me from eating slider foods. Godspeed on yur journey and your quest.

[Sleeveless in Seattle]

I was going to add the same thing...carbs and sugar will make you hungrier and crave more carbs and sugar.

[kacie77]

Lauren I am so proud of you for getting on the site and asking such a hard question! I think all of us know what it feels like to be the overweight person. It's alarming to know what really goes into processed foods! I preach myself sick about "clean eating" on this site. I feel that strongly about it! If you can change anything right now....clean up the pantry and cut as much sugar as possible from her diet!

There is a movie that came out called "Fed Up" it's in a few theaters around the country...if you can watch the trailer then watch it! It saddens me that it's not on every screen! Then people would see whats really going on with our food.

Just educate yourself and make a plan...the rewards will payoff!

If you need anything, you know how to reach me!

We are all going to be thinking about your family and best of luck with learning new habits

[paradoxgal]

This really is a difficult thing to talk about. I'm sure you are fried and having a hard time knowing how to go about it all anymore. I have an 8 year old daughter in 2nd grade that weighs more than her almost 10 year old 4th grade sister. I have thought and thought about this, too. I think brightnessofhope really does hit on so many good points to be made. We have talked to all of children about food - taking it in and burning it off and whats not healthy. At this point, she knows what are healthy choices, and what are not healthy choices. I don't think shaming my child about her choices is going to help anything and make her suddenly wake up thin. I believe that teaching her about self love and self acceptance is the most important thing. The world will make sure she knows that she isn't thin soon enough, so my job is to instill self love and confidence as a mother, and also make sure she also knows the other things too. You are a great mom. You are doing so much to provide a great life for her. I'm sure you do spend some good time with her, so don't beat yourself up. My 8 year old eats the same foods my 9 and 4 year old eat and she is just built different. There is no shame in this, and she is no less of a person for this. I'm not going to tell you what to do here; I am just going to make a suggestion... Try not talking about it for a while. Try showing her more love and acceptance for her just as she is today than ever. Try asking her if she loves herself, and see's all the beautiful qualities and talents she has. I'm sure you do talk to her and chat about things, but try talking to her about her life from a 7 year olds' perspective (not a concerned parents or medical professionals perspective). Just experiment with how she feels about herself to start with.
Just a suggestion.

[Luann]

I applaud you in wanting to help your daughter and not have her go down the road of obesity. Many parents turn a blind eye. But also agree that if you make her food intake a huge issue, it won't help anyone. If you can have mainly healthy foods in the house it helps, but kids leave the house - go to friends houses & walk by stores with candy bars / vending machines, etc.
I was a skinny girl, didn't really like eating a lot when I was little. I was in ballet. I ran around outside all day, this was before the internet and video games.

If you can get her enrolled in some activity she enjoys, maybe try a dance class if she doesn't like soccer, or swimming, or gymnastics - anything that increases her physical activity & gives her some joy besides what she gets from eating - it might make a difference.

I think when we get into food battles with our kids, focusing a great deal on what they eat & how much - it gets into a power struggle & kids will win a control fight. I am sure you love her no matter what, but make sure you tell her out loud that she is your precious daughter & she is beautiful just the way she is. We can try, but at some point what anyone chooses to eat - even our own kids - is out of our hands once they get a certain age. Make it too much of an issue now & when she is 10 or 12 or so she may take any opportunity to overeat bad stuff.

I hope I don't sound judgemental - I got into food struggles with my son early on & he went the other route. Rebelled when he was 12 and whenever I put him on restriction - he punished me by not eating. Told me he wouldn't eat, and he didn't. At one point he was so thin his doctor said if he lost any more weight she would admit for a feeding tube. Hearing it from her (not me) was the wake up call he needed - but there was nothing I could do to control his eating. I needed to let go of that & he finally let go of using his food intake as a way to make me nuts. Now he finds other ways.

[Lee6Lee]

I was an overweight child...and it's miserable to be one. My parents let me eat anything I wanted at any time. In retrospect, it would have been good for my Mom to tell me to get out of the kitchen and go outside. Maybe it's because they lived through the depression? Anyway, it's my problem now. But took care of it for good with the sleeve.