Sex and the Sleeve

[stephintexas]

I have to say, to be honest, my lack of drive may have zero to do with my sleeve. I mean, i do have PCOS and that produces high testosterone. Since that is supposed to improve with the sleeve, I think it's better thus my testosterone is lower and thus my drive is lower. OR it could be that I dont really like my husband or how he treats me and now that I'm not trapped in a place of low self esteem, I don't really want sex with HIM but being a morally grounded person, I don't entertain the idea of sex with anyone else so I just compartmentalize and shut it off. I know we all have different breaking points but I find myself way less tolerant of the crap than I was before my surgery. It's not that I think I am hot stuff now, I just feel more in control now that my eating is under control. I feel empowered to embrace life and live it. That doesn't synch with some jerk staring at other women constantly, belittling me, living off my money, expecting me to indulge him. Sorry if that's too raw or TMI but I think it's important that we separate the direct impact of the sleeve on our bodies versus the byproduct areas of the sleeve. I speculate if I had had the sleeve years ago I wouldn't even BE in this situation. Now there's a brain cramp thought.

[jamie_lanell]

I'm glad ur taken control of ur life! It not worth ur time and energy to be with someone who doesn't appreciate u!

I'm single and one of my main reasons is I'm very picky and never settle for anything less than I deserve.

[itsmytime]

Stephintexas, it sounds like you aren't being treated the way you deserve to be treated. So glad you aren't willing to put up with that as much anymore. You seem like a smart, funny woman based on your posts. I think he clearly doesn't see how good he's got it with you. I hope he changes his ways or he's going to be one sorry guy ! He sounds like one of those guys who believes grass is greener on the other side, but he will sure be running back when he's kicked over the white picket fence!

[gloeygirl66]

I'm married. No swallowing involved.

LOLOLOL sorry I couldn't resist.

That's hilarious!!! My fiancee told me to post that now I've got the ring, I don't need to swallow!! He knows me better than that and know he will be well taken care of!!

[gloeygirl66]

I have to say, to be honest, my lack of drive may have zero to do with my sleeve. I mean, i do have PCOS and that produces high testosterone. Since that is supposed to improve with the sleeve, I think it's better thus my testosterone is lower and thus my drive is lower. OR it could be that I dont really like my husband or how he treats me and now that I'm not trapped in a place of low self esteem, I don't really want sex with HIM but being a morally grounded person, I don't entertain the idea of sex with anyone else so I just compartmentalize and shut it off. I know we all have different breaking points but I find myself way less tolerant of the crap than I was before my surgery. It's not that I think I am hot stuff now, I just feel more in control now that my eating is under control. I feel empowered to embrace life and live it. That doesn't synch with some jerk staring at other women constantly, belittling me, living off my money, expecting me to indulge him. Sorry if that's too raw or TMI but I think it's important that we separate the direct impact of the sleeve on our bodies versus the byproduct areas of the sleeve. I speculate if I had had the sleeve years ago I wouldn't even BE in this situation. Now there's a brain cramp thought.

You sound a lot like me several years ago. I'm lucky he left before my sleeve. I was a different person then and tolerated lots of crap. Since my divorce and my sleeve I am a lot stronger and I don't put with ANYTHING! I know it kills him when he sees me 100+ pounds thinner and knowing he is unhappy makes it that much sweeter! I finally found a wonderful, sweet, romantic man who respects and loves me. I was married for 18 years before and NEVER knew what true love was until now!

Be strong Steph!! If you aren't happy...leave!!! I wish I would've done it years ago!!! AND....DON'T GIVE IT UP EITHER!!!

[mommyducky]

Haha I was going to post that I finally had sex, four months after being sleeved for the first time since the sleeve. But it was pretty crappy sex! Good looking guy, well equipped but obviously doesn't know how to handle himself. What a disappointment for me after all this time! However, I'm planning on being in Florida soon where my husband is and I have plenty of friends there so I expect things will improve! I have noticed my sex drive has been crazy lately. I mean, just that I'm considering sleeping with my husband ... after we sign the divorce papers... dont want him getting the wrong idea haha. But I can say this, the toys have been getting more use and I have been out more but nothing good yet. I think I'll have more luck back home in fl. I really do want to see what it will be like with my husband now that I'm so much smaller and looking and feeling so good. We always had great sex and I miss that plus I imagine now it will be even better. He hasn't seen me yet since I was sleeved but he told me he loves me and is excited for me to come back to Florida. I'm excited too. I need some good sex: it's been too long! Hehe.

Oh and I'm amused by the question about swallowing. Funny I never considered that. I've always swallowed; it seems like the best way to go. And the protein haha. Nice one.

[MoreFitDiane]

Lee (mommyducky), there's a name for that. It's called "Ex-Sex" and I understand it's fairly common. Good chemistry or bad chemistry...whatever attracted you to each other in the beginning...doesn't necessarily go away, ever. But chemistry, sparks, or whatever you call it, doesn't always mean that two people can live harmoniously together in a loving relationship. Some people have such nasty divorces that Ex-Sex is not even a fleeting thought; others use it as a means of closure; but for others, it can be a roadblock to moving on with their lives. I'm just saying...be careful, understand your own motives, and don't allow your passion to get in the way of your personal growth.

[Crystal Woods]

WOW. This thread was hilarious to read the entire way through. I am only 26 days out and 38 pounds down (including pre-op diet) and the sex is already better (it was always great). I can't imagine after I lose another 60-70 pounds. WOOHOO! I told my man he is going to have to start some crunches yesterday. He is only about 20 lbs overweight but its all in the gut .... !

[Jellen]

my sex drive has skyrocketed!!!!!!

[Jersey John]

Reading this thread makes me feel like I'm dying of dehydration, while floating on a life raft in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.....;p

Water..Water..Everywhere...but not a drop to drink! Every one of you ladies tell your husbands/significant others they better realize how lucky they really are....

[MoreFitDiane]

John, you are doing great with your weight loss! The ladies must be beating down your door...if not now, very very soon...it is Spring and the blood starts racing, you know! Are you still planning to go to Vegas? I haven't heard much buzz about that little May trip lately, and am wondering if folks are still planning to make this event happen!

[Karen Dodge-Kelso]

Wow. I guess I am the lone wolf on this subject. Although I enjoy sex, it has never been something that I really needed. I am the type of person, who once a year and I'm good. lol

[Jersey John]

Diane, unfortunately I am too immersed in a very ugly divorce and custody dispute at the moment and will be for the forseable future. I had to cancel my vegas plans, so please party hard and represent Jersey well! I will live vicariously through you all....

I am SO looking forward to my post divorce life.....

[mommyducky]

Lee (mommyducky), there's a name for that. It's called "Ex-Sex" and I understand it's fairly common. Good chemistry or bad chemistry...whatever attracted you to each other in the beginning...doesn't necessarily go away, ever. But chemistry, sparks, or whatever you call it, doesn't always mean that two people can live harmoniously together in a loving relationship. Some people have such nasty divorces that Ex-Sex is not even a fleeting thought; others use it as a means of closure; but for others, it can be a roadblock to moving on with their lives. I'm just saying...be careful, understand your own motives, and don't allow your passion to get in the way of your personal growth.

I think that my feelings for my husband are keeping me from being able to move forward. The way things ended, it just was so weird. I was the one who kicked him out but I didn't really want him to leave. I just wanted some time away from him like a trial separation. But he went back to FL because he had nowhere else to go and he's been gone since August. We talk regularly because we have a daughter together. We are still good friends and we still love each other. He told me recently that he misses me and he can't imagine being with anyone else. He said he knows that he made a mistake and he should have paid more attention to my feelings and that he loved me and never stopped loving me. I know that I have feelings for him too and I think these months apart from each other may have been good for both of us. I'm considering giving him a second chance. I don't know if I want to dive right in though. I kind of want to take it slow, maybe start new like dating a little and see what happens from there. But I will be staying with him for awhile so I guess we'll have to see how it goes. I know that he was and still is the best sex I ever had. And I think it's because he was the first man that I really ever loved and I think that maybe I still love him. I have to see him and be with him and at the very least get some kind of closure. Because the relationship never really ended properly. It was just like, "we're taking a break" and then I started trying to talk to him about divorce and he wouldn't hear it and now that my daughter and I are moving back to FL, we will be near each other again. I don't want to give up all the progress I've made in the last few months. I feel like a much better, stronger and healthier person now than I was then. And it's not just because of the weight loss. It's everything. I have really been working on making myself better and I don't want him to ruin that for me. But I also don't want to end something before I'm ready. Anyway, I think once I see him and kiss him again, I'll know how I feel. And if it doesn't work, I'll at least get some good sex and some fun time with my husband before we sign the divorce papers. This isn't ordinary ex-sex, I don't think. We are just messed up. haha.

[mommyducky]

Wow. I guess I am the lone wolf on this subject. Although I enjoy sex, it has never been something that I really needed. I am the type of person, who once a year and I'm good. lol

Once a year? Please tell me you're joking!