Nosey Co-workers..... How do I handle this????

[Onilew0984]

Hey!

So I'm not close with my co-workers at all. I keep to myself at work and to be honest I don't care for the people I work with. I don't care for how they talk to me. It's a weird situation for me because I usually get along with everyone. Anyway, due to all of this I have decided not to share that I am having the sleeve with any of them. Really I just wouldn't share my personal life with them. So I'm having surgery 1/9/14. I put in my PTO request for about 5 days off (which with my regularly scheduled days off would give me about 10 days total off) and I did mention that I was having a surgery so that the manager would know that I must have these days off. Today was my first day back to work since I put in the request and I returned to work to have numerous people probing as to why I'm having surgery. I've been able to handle them. However, the manager probed several times and I answered her, but I did not tell her what type of surgery I was having or why I'm having surgery. The problem is that the manager is so nosey, that she forwarded my PTO request to her manager, which forwarded it to the CEO of my company. The CEO sent me an email asking me to call him to discuss my PTO request. This is weird. Why would we need to "discuss" my request for personal time that I have already accrued and earned? Keep in mind I am not taking a medical leave. I am taking regular PTO that I can use for whatever I feel. How would you approach this "discussion" with the CEO. If it helps any I work in a contract type of relationship. So the person I've referred to as the manager is the manager of the contracting company otherwise known as the client and the CEO is basically my actual employer. I hope that makes sense.

Keep in mind that telling them why I'm having surgery is out of the question. I'm sorry, but they don't respect me enough to be privileged to know my personal business.

[bigjohn]

That is a fine line, i have not shared with my work either, not the right place to do it. Now that i am losing weight, people are asking some questions, i just tell them i gave up crap food. if they press you, just remind them that the information is personal and that you will be back when you said you will . Some employers will ask for a note, to cover them about bringing you back, have your doc write you a note clearing you back, still do not have to share anything.
Hope this helps.

[SethP]

Many of people have just told that they were having Gall bladder surgery. The down side to this is that many times when we lose a lot of weight we have to go back and have it removed also. I have always been the advocate of telling the truth and leaving it as that. Their opinions never mattered to me and it is a personal journey. Medical procedures are personal and you might be able to just tell them that you would rather not talk about it. But seeing you lose over 100lbs next year will sort of open all sorts of questions. Godspeed on your journey.

[Mich-D]

By law you are not required to state the nature of your reason for FMLA to your employer, you do have to disclose this information for your company's FMLA carrier/administrator. Where I work, I am in management and I too have been asked, but feel very reluctant to mention the surgery. One of the reasons why I am having the surgery is because I have stage 3 chronic kidney disease. I have a meeting with my direct reports this week, during which I will inform them of my leave of absence but not the reason.

It is my hope to lose enough weight that another company will hire me. I really miss working with (mature) adults.

[Onilew0984]

Thanks guys. I'm not afraid of their opinions of knowing about the surgery. It's more so that I do not care for the way these people treat me (very unprofessional) and I don't care to share my personal life with them period. I am not taking FMLA. I am only taking PTO, but I do know that I don't have to tell them my medical business.

[toutdesuite]

A coworker -- Admin officer -- once asked me why I was having surgery, and I just said it was personal. I didn't want everyone to know I was having "female" surgery.

[angel2206]

If you are worried about their reaction then PLEASE follow your instinct and don't tell them. People can be awful- they may judge you, be snarky and disrespectful and just downright mean. I told people I had to have a hiatal hernia fixed if they ask about my scar. It has scars that are near identical to anyone who isn't a doctor.
That said, I explained the weight loss by saying I got on a prescription appetite suppressant (phentermine, which I had been on before) and by using it in conjunction with a portion-measured diet of basically a low-fat Atkins direction, and extreme working out (boxing). You could start now to lay the ground work by letting people at work see you with baggies of carefully measured-out raw veggies, grilled chicken, etc.- all in measured portions. Then when you come back and are weaning yourself back onto regular food (read: liquid diet for a while) you can say you are jump-starting your loss by doing a clease. Or, even better, go to lunch by yourself off-site every day and don't let people see you "eat" your lunch.

[FadeToBlack]

Go with Gall Badder Removal or Hernia Repair

[curlyme]

My corworkers are nosy as hell!
They even watch me eat lunch in the break room! Damm these people need to get a life!!

My co workers are very unprofessional! I didn NOT share my surgery situation with anyone at work! No way!

People are spreading rumors anyway withOUT me sharing my business! Imagine if I had?? Heck no! They are not my friends nor family!

If they ask me " hey how are you losing all this weight" I just say LOW CARB eating, water and exercise....

[notlistnin]

Hello?!!! Has anyone in that office ever heard of HIPA??! How dare they share your having surgery among themselves.You have the right to privacy,and you don't have to answer any questions. "Its personnel" would be my only comment to these mental midgets. Good luck

[Hopefuljourney]

Maybe the CEO just wants to show concern. Most of the time when people are having surgery and they don't say why, the assumption is cancer. If you don't want people to know what kind of surgery I would just say, "I'd rather not talk about my private life." I lost my job because I was going out for surgery. I was honest and don't regret - it was a terrible place to work. When I find that next job, I won't be sharing that I have had sleeve surgery. They won't know me as a larger person that is shrinking before their eyes. I will just be me!

[wytethunder]

Your boss sounds unprofessional. Just hang in their co-workers are always nosey and they will really start to wonder once you lose weight so fast.

[stoken1]

I would have your meeting, but if he/she presses you for information just remind them of Hipa and by law you do not have to disclose information. I would also print our their PTO policy and just hand it to him and say nothing if you want. If you are following their policy he/she cant say jack about your pto request, if they deney it ask for what reason in writing and take it up with HR.

[StIves]

Hello?!!! Has anyone in that office ever heard of HIPA??! How dare they share your having surgery among themselves.You have the right to privacy,and you don't have to answer any questions. "Its personnel" would be my only comment to these mental midgets. Good luck

This was my first reaction too. Is that even legal?! I would be LIVID. Your medical business is your medical business, FMLA or no FMLA. I would be tempted to file some kind of complaint with HR, although I know that could have consequences (it shouldn't but sometimes it does).

I think you're completely justified in simply saying "this is a private matter that I'd prefer not to discuss with my workmates," but if you wanted to throw them a bone to make them STFU I'd just go with the suggestion others have had to say it's your gall bladder (then if you end up really needing your gall bladder out later you can say it's a follow-up to the previous surgery). Then when you lose weight and the busybodies start flapping their jaws you can simply say that you're not able to eat as much as you could with your gall bladder. My husband lost weight after his was removed, and he really can't eat fatty foods at all now. Or, again, you can tell them to mind their own damn business. I'm really appalled on your behalf. Sorry you have to work with these clowns. Good luck with your surgery!

[OAM]

Is it possible they are wondering why you are taking PTO instead of Medical Leave as you told them you were having surgery? It may be something simple like that. But I agree to the above, you have to follow your gut in this type of situation.