anxiety!

[jenrnmsn]

Just wondering if anyone could help with this. My surgery is they day after tomorrow and I am feeling soooo many emotions. Worried sick that I will not lose weight like I should (as has been my other attempts) and that the surgery will be for nothing, worried that I will have too much pain, nausea, complications. I have been researching this to death and probably not helping. I burst into tears today when talking to my best friend, telling her I was mad at myself for having to take such a drastic step, like how did I get here and allow my weight to get this out of control. I also read so many posts where people seem to chastise others and I had a 2 week liquid diet which I messed up for a total of 3 days, ate regular food. And I keep thinking, I want this but what if I don't have the willpower, hell, I couldn't get through 14 days of liquid without caving. I am nervous. When I start thinking about the fact part of my body will be removed, I am asking myself if I am doing the right thing. Not sure why because I have spent 3 years researching and making this decision and now I am just worried. Did anyone else experience this?

[HarleySue]

I have my surgery on the 13th. I have the same emotions and feelings too. I hope someone will response to this to give some insight that this is the right thing. I know it's right, but I think second guessing is normal...................... right?

[Truebody]

Yep - sure did. If you didn't that would be a concern I think. But while having those thoughts - they were not my major thoughts. They sat in there amongst the positive thoughts, the hopeful thoughts, the thoughts about my post-op exercise plan, my post-op nutrition plan, my thoughts or arranging my life to make this a success.
My big issue was actually giving up. Recognizing that in my fight with food - food had won. I couldn't manage my intake, I couldn't win this fight. Once I reached that, it was a no-brainer and I felt this was my only option.
I had faith in my medical team and followed their guidelines to the letter. I got fully informed so I knew what was likely to happen next - including the fears and anxiety, took a deep breath and went for it.
If you don't want to do this - don't.
If you have more thinking to do - then take the time to do it.
If you have done all you can, recognised that life will be much the same with creeping illness and liklihood of co-morbidities, a reduced lifestyle to accommodate your weight - and you've had enough, then think about doing it.
I would not change one minute of my journey. I would do it again tomorrow. Very little pain and discomfort and one small bout of nausea on the night of surgery.
For me - it was easy.

[jtayse]

We can do this! We both have surgery the same day. I think if we didn't have anxiety it would be odd - it is a major surgery that is life changing. But I will say that at this point I just want to get in there and do it! I can't stand the waiting - I'm so excited to begin this next phase. We got this!

[andiz]

Not all extra weight is caused by food... I had an underlying medical problem that caused the weight gain, and prevented me from losing the weight. The surgery is a tool in our weight loss arsenal, and so far it's been one of the "best" ones most of us have used! LOL

So quit beating yourself up and pat yourself on the back!... You've had the courage to say enough is enough, and to take control back... rather than worry about what might go wrong, start focusing on what will go right, because the weight will finally start coming off :0)

As a side note, give yourself several measuring sticks so that you get a true picture of the changes that are taking place, when it get's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In addition to the dreaded "scale" ... I would also recommend taking your measurements the day before surgery, and then periodically after surgery, and of course pictures. That way when you aren't seeing the weight come off as fast as you would like, you can see the changes in other ways. The one week I didn't lose anything weight wise, I lost 12 inches overall.

[jenrnmsn]

thank you, I appreciate the utter take charge attitude. I really am quite a strong personality so this is unlike me at all, lol.

[mlrisser]

Hang in there, you'll get thru it. The problem with us is we think too much! I remember asking my surgeon the day before surgery how much sleep he got at night. Bc I was his first surgery at 7:00 am and I wanted to make damn sure he wasn't sleepy. LOL He said you let me worry about that. It calmed me down but that was the longest day in creation for me.

[lil_lisa]

You know I beat myself up about this too, why did I get to the point where this was my only choice?? Hating on me. And mourning all the meals I would not get anymore. And thinking of how I would have to follow all these rules and not be able to be me anymore. I think its like grieving and a death of your old habits. I cried too. And why didn't I do what I was supposed to so long ago. But I think I have the fat gene from both sides of the family like my brother did and it controls you more than you know. But I figure this can give us another chance at a better life, and even though it is drastic, I guess thats where we are at to get ourselves fixed now. Let's hope it works for all of us. Good luck, huggs.

[Breen]

I am also feeling this way! I think it's just because it's getting so close to being real and so permanent. I know I have been overweight my whole life, I can't even imagine being thin, so my brain is telling me this is a waste of time. We just have to push through and let this sleeve help us where we have tripped up in the past! We can do this!!

[niamh]

I got very anxious as well. I cried as they took me into the operating theatre, fearing I might not come out again.

In the week or so before the surgery, my approach was to recognise that my reasoning for having the surgery wasn't based on emotions, it was based on facts and figures. Likelihood of me remaining obese based on track record was very high - I'd lost weight a number of times but kept regaining it. The likelihood of me developing some future significant health problem and/or die prematurely was very high.

The probability of complications from surgery is on the other hand very low. And if they occur, most complications are treated/rectified. My biggest anxiety was about dying on the table under anaesthesia, but again the probability was extremely low.

So if I weighed up the risks of not having surgery (i.e. staying obese and health problems/death down the line) against the very small possibility of complications - it was a no brainer. I decided that I would have to go ahead, and in the very unlikely event of a complication, I would just do whatever was needed to deal with it. There's been some very positive people on this forum dealt with some complications. If a complication happened, it doesn't make the reasoning behind the decision wrong - any more than deciding to go to work should be considered a bad decision if you had a car accident on the way there. We take calculated risks in life all the time - this is one of them, and the potential benefits far outweigh the risks.

I accepted then that my emotions were natural, but not to be taken into account in the decision. I just needed to be kind and caring toward myself and just keep getting through the next step. So you can notice your emotions - but you don't have to consider them to be relevant in influencing your decision. I think if I'd pulled out of surgery, I'd have been kicking myself for chickening out in a very short space of time afterward.

Regarding being angry at yourself for getting to that point, that's also an understandable reaction. I did and sometimes still do have that feeling. If I could go back to my 27 year old self as I first started putting on weight by comfort eating during depression, and tell her not to indulge a downward spiral which she won't get back from, I would.

But the reality is that here I am a decade and a half later, and I could either keep kicking myself about what happened in the past, or I could find a solution. Getting fat is not some horrendous crime against humanity. My husband smoked for 25 years, and finally gave up with the help of medication. I don't blame him for getting hooked in the first place - when he took it up he didn't think of the long term consequences, and by the time he did, he was addicted. Same with me. So we made a mistake, we're human. We have another chance with the help of surgery, and we deserve good health and happiness as much as anyone else. I still feel sad for my lost years lugging my fat body around, but I'm also proud of myself for all the positive things I achieved in that time unrelated to weight, and now for taking the step to have surgery. Six pounds to go and I couldn't be happier.

I hope you find a way to feel positive about going ahead with the surgery. You also deserve not to have to keep struggling with life being overweight.

[jenrnmsn]

Niamh,
Thank you so much for your response, you brought tears to my eyes. I am going to be thinking of this exactly as you suggested tomorrow AM. Thank you so much to everyone, this support has bee more helpful than you can ever know!

[RockvilleGirl]

My surgery is on Monday the 17th. Initially when I found this forum I was REALLY anxious and still in my head thinking "maybe I should...maybe I shouldn't" about surgery. Through this forum I have finalized the decision in my head and become more comfortable with it. Then last week I had a bad dream about surgery and the anxiety is back. This time it's not about whether I should have the surgery or not, but rather about the outcomes and possible complications. At this point I think it's only natural. The thing is that I made my decision logically and without anxiety and decided that my options are to continue to be obese and to struggle with my weight for the rest of my life - which is getting more and more difficult with each year, or I can have surgery and work for a major change in my quality of life for the rest of my life. I am still nervous that I won't lose weight, that I will still be hungry, that I will be some rare case where surgery won't work, but at the same time I also recognize that my relationship with food has been so unhealthy for so long that I won't understand that lack of hunger until I experience it, and that I have to be committed to change. I am on my pre-op diet as well and I promise you, you are not the only one who has cheated. If we could maintain difficult restrictive diets on our own, we probably wouldn't need the surgery. Just try to stick to the diet as best you can and you will be fine. We can do anything we are determined to succeed at!