Was this really all for nothing????

[babypom]

Forgive me all, but I need to vent badly, and I knew this would be the one place I could safely do so.

Today was the day from Hell, I feel so scared and so alone, and I feel like I did this whole surgery to better my life for nothing. I had this surgery so I could improve my health, lower my risk for medical issues and be there for my daughters, as their father died from lung cancer two and a half years ago, and the ordeal was very difficult for them. They cheered me on to have this surgery so I would be around for a long time.

So as some of you may have read, I have been battling with the weight loss since week two post op. Drs have been treating me for what seemed to be the bladder infection from Hates. Three rounds of anti biotics, tons of tests. Last week my Dr. said maybe it was kidney stones, wanted to refer me to a Urologist, and set up some more tests and a CT scan that I had on Tuesday. Today I was busy had my phone ringer turned off phone was just on vibrate. I knew I had missed three calls over two hours, but wasnt too worried about it. When I checked my calls, (no voice mails) but all three calls were from my Dr. office. While wondering what they called for, they usually leave a message, my phone rang again, guess who....yup the Dr office. I never should have answered that call.

On the other end of the phone was the nurse from my Drs office, she stumbled a bit, her voice cracked, and she said the Dr. wanted her to relay that my cultures had come back, and they found cancer cells. She stated that the problem was they are not sure where the cancer is located. She said it could either be located in my bladder or it could be advanced cervical cancer, and the Dr. wants me to my OBGYN asap. Trying to get to any OBGYN in this town does not happen asap, I called my regular OB and they said soonest I could get in was mid June. The office looked at the other clinics and found the earliest I can get in anywhere is next Saturday.

I have spent most of the day crying, screaming in my head, ranting to myself, wondering what kind of a cruel joke is this? I probably could have dealt with a cancer outcome, if it was something small and in its beginning stages, but nooooo, that is not how my luck works, instead of something easily treatable, I find out that the cancer is advanced enough its turning up in my urine samples, and Dr is ordering all tests to be done Stat. by the labs and imaging.

What kind of thing is this for my girls to go through again? I cant even tell my youngest, she hasnt gotten over what happened to her dad yet, and if I even mentioned cancer to her she would probably have a mental breakdown. How am I going to deal with this? How am I going to come up with the money to treat this? I dont have the greatest health insurance, I lost my job last July, I emptied my bank account to pay for sleeve surgery planning to be able to have a new job come August. Now What???? The only real family I have is my girls, and I cant put them through this again. I am scared to death!

[Pip]

Omg Robynn I am so sincerely sorry to hear of your bad news ...I just recently lost my Stepmum of 21 years to cancer ..it's a terrible disease and so unfair.
I really truly hope that you will get the opportunity to be a survivor and be there for your family for years to come.
I'm not sure what to say except I wish you all the best and anytime you need a long distance hug I am here for you !
Xxxx

[Jeanie]

My prayers are with you and your girls! Please keep us updated!

[Florence]

I'm so, so sorry to hear your news, u must be devastated. What age are your girls? When can you find out where the cancer is and if it's treatable? Do you have any friends you can talk to? You need to discuss this with someone and I understand why you don't want to talk to your daughters just yet...but they will have to know if you're going through treatment?

[Live4joy]

WOW. You sure do have more than your share of shall I say "shitty" luck (if you can curse on this site...). I am a RN and am a survivor of cervical cancer. My first suggestion for you is to tell your daughters. Kids are smart. They will pick up on the fact you are stressed and upset. If you need to take them to therapy then do that. If you can't afford it try to find a local church that might offer free counseling. How do you think your girls will feel when you do tell them down the line and they find out you hid this from them all this time. It might be more painful for you to tell them then it might be for them to hear it. All they need to know is some tests are out of whack and they are looking into whether it is cancer. They have the right to do this journey with you on various levels depending on their age. So that's my 2 cents about that. My other suggestion is-breathe....just be in the moment. This is something you may need to just chop up in to one day at a time or one hour at a time. When I was going through my cervical cancer I was terribly upset but I was fortunate to have a support network to talk to. Still, my deepest fears I kept to myself. I think that is just part of going through cancer. You don't know anything yet except for the cells in the urine. Try not to spin out on that information before you have a chance to get all the data. Take each step one at a time, try not to leap into a year from now and your dead and the girls are alone. NONE OF THAT MAY HAPPEN. Breathe, just say I can do today and today I don't know anything. That's how I had to do it. Sometimes I broke up the day and said I can do it until breakfast, I can do it until lunch, I can do it until dinner, etc. Don't beat yourself for having the surgery. Anything you might have to go through is better tolerated on a lower weight body regardless of what your weight is down to. The word compassion sticks out for me. You're in dire need of compassion. This is time to love yourself and your girls and just take it one day at a time. You deserve a ton of compassion even if it is just you who gives it to yourself. That does not lessen it at all. Just some of my thoughts, take what is helpful and leave what isn't helpful. You'll be in my prayers.

[Terrybellwith4kids]

Wow!!! So sorry that you had to get that kind of news but maybe it's not as bad and it will be treatable you are in my thoughts and prayers

[cbridges1962]

My prayers are with you and your family.

[Debcan]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am praying for strength and healing for you and your family.

[Pat56]

Not to sound glib, but although all cancers are serious business; the one's you mentioned are treatable. If you are tell your OB that you have a positive reading for possible advanced cervical cancer and he is putting you off for a month; dump him/her for a new doctor. Your surgeon needs to refer you to an oncologist ASAP. Be pro-active and aggressive, no one should be more concerned about you health than you.

[Truebody]

Oh Robyn, I'm so sorry to hear this awful news and feel for you and your family. I know that you want to protect your children, but I feel strongly that people are better able to cope if they know what is going on. They may well have to dig a little deeper and re-open old hurts, but there is no getting away from it, they have to know so you may as well get it over and done with. They will then be your support.
I am noble to do anything practical, but will certainly keep you in my thoughts and wish you only the best.

[TinaRuth]

I am a Cancer survivor 2 years now. I understand some of the emotions that you are feeling I done. While I was fighting my cancer my mother was dying from hers. If you need someone to talk to message me your number and we can chat. I will be praying from you.

[MysticalMaybe]

I had a scare too I was told i have cells that could turn into cervicel cancer. Well at first they said i had it and i cried for a day (my grandmother died of it) after looking better at it they told me my cells have not turned into cancer yet but I should be on full watch for the rest of my life. Ive been reading online how the body can heal it self with good food. Cancer fighting foods. I have been eatting these foods and i have also over come my immune system problems with healthy foods.
Dont give up! Dont get depressed! Dont stress out! These are cancer feeders. You can beat cancer. I have so many friends that have beat it. You can too! I will not let it take my life! Dont let it take yours! Its time to wake up wash your tears away and kick some cancer ass!

6 Cancer-Fighting Superfoods - Health.com

Try that link for cancer fighting foods if it doesnt work (sorry im doing this all on a phone) just type in cancer fighting foods in a search bar and some helpfull information will come up.

Remember the body can heal itself if its given the propper fuel. Dont stress... fight!

[honeybunny]

Good luck sweets. You are in my prayers!

[MrsB0324]

My heart goes out to you and your girls. The lost of your husband must be in your mind and now you are imagining a life for your girls without you……PLEASE don’t do that. I know it’s easier said than done but you are doing yourself a grave injustice if you start jumping to all sorts of negative outcomes without having all of the facts. Take if from someone who has faced their own mortality and has come out on the other side. Live for today and face today. You mentioned that there is another office that can take you next Saturday….get the number to that office and see if they can take you sooner if you explained your situation; don’t leave it to the doctor’s office to do because you don’t know if they made your situation as dire as you would. But the most important thing I can say to you during your time of need is to talk to your daughters. The worst thing in the world you would want is to leave this discussion for later. Theirs may be the strength you need to help you though. Above all, ask for strength and guidance from above and believe that all things are possible through faith. My prayers are with you and your two daughters and if you need someone to talk to please send I a private message and I will respond. God bless you for brighter and healthier days to come~~

[akbutt]

My mom was diagnosed with uterine cancer which has spread to her lower back,this was four years ago. She has been eating asparagus which is supposed to keep it under control and so far it has worked, along with her treatments in the beginning. She is no longer doing treatments and her cancer is staying the same. The doctors just keep telling her to keep doing what she is doing!

I wish you the best!!!!