@#$#$@#$!!!!!!!!!

[laurks21]

OK, I need to vent, so I thought Id do it with my sleeve family! Its a little over 3 weeks since my surgery and now my husband is being a complete JERK to me. Now mind you, our marriage hasnt been the greatest, but really? Hes been moody and mean to me, hasnt told me that I look good or anything (everyone ELSE has). Now, he doesnt have any weight to loose, and believe me, no one is eating ANY of his food, so just wondering if anyone else has had this problem with a spouse or partner after surgery.......

[leesooim]

Unfortunately this seems to be a trend among WLS post-ops. From what I've read from others, it seems their spouses or significant others become insecure with the thought of YOU being in shape and no longer obese, removing whatever dependence you may have had on them to help you feel good about yourself/the way you look. Take this analysis with a grain of salt however, as I am someone that did not experience this kind of problem. It's just what I've gleaned from reading other people's posts.

I'm sorry he's treating you worse than usual I hope you find a way to work through it that's best for you.

[flipflopgirl]

NOPE!!!!!! My husband was so very supportive!!!!! He loves me and just wanted me to be healthy AND happy with my myself!!!! Hope it gets better soon!!!!!

[Crystal B]

Tell him in a couple of months you won't need him to tell you how great you look, because your new boyfriend will do it for him!!!!!!

[jknox65]

Okay know he is really acting like so many other scared to death spouses. What he is not saying is this…
‘My wife has options…oh shit I am screwed!’
‘She is fixing her one flaw I have so many more….oh shit I am screwed’
‘She is going to want it more…oh shit I am screwed’

Essentially he is feeling threatened. Reassure him that the relationship is strong. Consider counseling but always reject the big D if brought up. If he knows, Divorce is not an option for you but working with him is the only option things will change…

[Risty]

I have an amazing husband and dont see this being an issue but i think i can understand why yours might feel that way. your changing and that might be hard for you emotionally and sometimes we might forget how our changes will effect the people closest to us. you might not be cooking for him like you use to which could make him feel distant to you. you might have a new pop of confidence and that may make him worry if you wont want to be with him. he might have alot of worries and he may be being rude because he doesnt know how to react... as much as id love to husband bash i think at the core of it all you two just might need to sit down and talk about his concerns too. having him as a " right hand" or a support system will only benefit you both in the long run. I hope this gives you a bit of thought and helps. ~R

[Judybird]

I hate this kind of post because it really pisses me off when he is "treating you worse than usual". If he wasn't treating you well before the surgery, were you expecting that to change when you had it? I DO NOT MEAN that I'm pissed at you...I'm pissed that as women we take that kind of crap while we're fat, because we somehow feel that we deserve it. And I understand how, in your dreams, you envision that losing weight will change him somehow. That he will see and value you now in a way he hadn't before. Something in his upbringing taught him how to keep you down. To keep you feeling that his opinion of you is somehow more important than your opinion of yourself. It's not all on him, though. You must also believe that his opinion is more important than yours too. If that is the kind of support you can expect, don't you have to ask yourself if that is what you want to live with for the rest of your life? If so, then you have to learn to find the needed support from family and friends. If not, then you have a whole lot more weight to lose than just on your body! Partnership is hard. Life is hard. But when you have a partner who is tuned in to your happiness and you are tuned in to theirs, it is easy to support them because their welfare is just as important to you as your own. My husband isn't always "aware" of what I'm going through, and sometimes I take it as his not caring, but once I explain to him what my needs are, I can see him trying to fill them for me. Though not always as I would like, the attempt he makes to try to give me what I need, is as good as him actually doing it. If yours isn't interested in learning how to give you what you need, then you have decisions to make. But remember that it's a two-way street and maybe he needs to feel supported and understood by you too. Good luck and remember to be fair. No man or woman is an island.

[luke]

Talk to him. Tell him what you just told us.

Assuming you love him, reassure him that you still do, tell him you're being hurt by his behavior and why is he upset?

Start there.

[abequa2000]

I agree with James and Luke. I'm still early in this but did loss 68 with the band right now I main problem is what do you need where are you going crap I just need to pee without telling him where I'm going and just doing my walking around. need to get my depression meds going again but they want me to wait

[laurks21]

thank you all for your support, I do love my husband, Im hoping by my talking with him that he will understand that my loosing "weight" doesnt equal loosing me!

[Munchkin]

Also, did your life before sleeve involving sharing lots of food. He could be missing that. We use to go out to eat, now I don't really want to. It changes what we do as a couple.

[christine53]

Never, my husband is so proud of me, he was so scared but now he is great. He just bought me a spa day with him! So when I am up to it we can go have some fun. Now if he would just get home (6 more weeks) Sorry about your problem, hope it works it's self out.

[Rose69]

I can't believe he is treating you like this after all you've been through. You really do have to sit with him and talk. You need his support not the stress he's giving you. The more stress you are under the harder it is to lose weight.
My husband used to treat me like shit, now that I've lost 87 pounds I make him work for my love. He treats me like a princess. He knows I look good so if he doesnt treat me right, someone else will.
I hope it gets better for you. If you truly love him then I hope you guys work it out.

We are all here for you, Best of Luck!
Rose

[laurks21]

Again, thank you so much my sleeve family for all your support!!!

[Lola1965]

My husband wasn't supportive until after the surgery. From me sitting him down and talking to him a few days before, I found out the reason was he was scared of me having the surgery. He didn't want anything to happen to me.Now he is very supportive and keeps telling me how good I look. Try just talking with him.