I am not ready for the surgery

[ggibson1038]

I think I am going to cancel my surgery. I went through all of the tests and and am scheduled for post op this week. I promised myself that I would not get on that operating table unless I was 90% sure I wanted to have the operation. I am not there. I have taken the weekend and really thought things through and am still thinking. Luckily my family and friends are supportive no matter what I do, though most of them would rather not see me go though the surgery.

I had a life altering moment at the support group. There were two women at the group, both of them about 2.5 - 3 years out from surgery. Each had different surgeries one had lap band, one had Gastric Bypass surgery. The thing was they both looked heavy to me even obese though both said they had maintained their weight loss. They talked about the honeymoon phase of the first year, where it was easy to maintain the weight loss, where clothes sizes were flying off but then they had to deal with the exact same issues that they had prior to surgery. Old habits crept back in, they had each started to regain weight. Also there was a guy in the room who had lost 50 pounds since his consultation and looked great and still was going ahead with the surgery (couldn't wrap my head around that one).

The conclusion I had to reach is that without a major change in my relationship with food, the surgery is pointless. Even if I had the Sleeve done, even if everything went perfectly, I still have to deal with my habits at the end of the day or I will end up back where I started. Everything I have read says you are better off losing the weight without the surgery than you are with the surgery. The opportunity will always be there for me to have the surgery but I am not ready to at least give this one last honest try to lose the weight on my own. It will be challenging and there will be days I am sure where I will wish I had the procedure, but in the end, I have to do this when I am ready, when I feel that I absolutely can't do this on my own. I know this isn't a typical post for this forum and thanks you guys have helped me immeasurably. You guys are great and I wish all of you well on your journey.

[nana banana]

You need to do what is best for you. Good luck!

[Socaldixiegal]

You definitely need to make the best choice for yourself and I think it's great that you've realized all the "diet" and eating issues. Because you are 100% correct. Having WLS doesn't solve the basic issues we have with food. People think it's a magic bullet, but it isn't. It's a great tool, but we are still responsible for what we eat.

For folks who are basically big overeaters WLS is probably a better solution. For those who eat from boredom, emotion, grazers, etc it's more difficult. Getting rid of most hunger doesn't solve for the desire to eat. But, it's a great tool for many people. Ultimately though you have to be committed as you've realized there's no going back. Being a former lap-band patient I can tell you that tool sucks. I've finding life so far as night & day from band to sleeve. There's no way I would have made it to my goal with band. Well, I could have but it would have been 98% me dieting and perhaps 2% the band limited certain foods and occasionally quantity.

I'm still fighting the desire to eat. Boredom, etc. But, I'll always have that battle. I had it before and I'll continue to struggle with it. There's also definitive eating guidelines with WLS (e.g. must get in protein requirements). So, if I have to get in the protein, and my stomach is only so big, it means I have to focus on good choices first. However, with any WLS weight gain is certainly possible. I think WLS simply makes the loss faster and a bit easier. Plus maintaining I'm hoping will be easier. I've always been good at losing weight. I've just never been good at maintaining. BUt, even with WLS I'll still be responsible for making the choices to maintain.

Best of luck on whatever you decide, but personally I think it's great that you're putting this much thought into it. I think so many folks go into this without realizing the full impact on their lives.

[robertajanzen]

Agree all the best to u!

[Dixie]

I have to say I know exactly how you feel. I went back and forth on the surgery concept for three years. My last and final effort eas Weight Watchers. I lost 35 pounds in 6 months, but gained it all back within 3- months when I quit counting points. My conclusion was the same as yours, my self-destructive relationship with food. I'm fortunate that my PCP and my gastric surgeon are on the same page when it comes to my weight loss program. My surgeon has a physician in his practice that is a licensed nutritionist. He also has 2 dieticians on staff along with a physciologist. Their goal, as a team, is to repair that food relationship. It takes a lot of work on my part, and a lot of self awareness... It did take me a long time to get to the "I'm ready for surgery". It would have been great if I could have achieved my weight loss without surgery, but looking back, I only wish I'd done it sooner.

I encourage you to follow your path, give diet another try. As you so well said, surgery will always be an option. You do have to be ready to make significant changes in you eating habits, otherwise, even surgery will ultimately fail. Good wishes and blessings.

[ImDazie]

I applaud you for thinking things thru and making an information-based decision. You are absolutely right about the major change in your relationship with food. I just had the surgery 4 days ago and already I'm more aware of the role food played in my life. But as for me, the fact that I would have to deal with those food issues alongside the surgery has been made abundantly clear and upfront by my surgeon's staff and support group. But there are a lot of people who don't deal with those issues (maybe the ladies in your support group). The surgery's benefit is only temporary for them. Many people go into this thinking surgery fixes everything. We still have to face our issues with food and stay proactive with the choices we make everyday. There are those who are willing to do what it takes to deal with their food addiction/eating habits. Lots of us can get weight off but not keep it off. The surgery helps us get a running head start. For me....I don't regret having the surgery and acknowledge that there is more work on my part to be successful. But if you truly still have reservations about going thru with it (and not basing your decision on the failures of others), then like you said, you can always decide to have the surgery at a later date. I appreciate your honesty and I would bet your post will hit home to a lot of people and hopefully open the eyes of a lot more. But only YOU know if you are ready. Best of luck to you. Please stay in touch.

[Titinc]

I too have put alot of thought into have WLS. I've already rescheduled my surgery once so as to be sure this is what I want to do. I feel that at this time now I am ready. I've weighed the pros and the cons of it and determined health wise this is best for me. Yes it will be a continuous fight but I am willing to do what it takes to improve my health. This is a personal decision and you need to do what you feel is best for you. I know of people who have waited three years before being sleeved.

[Truffles]

You are making the right decision for right now.

It took a good year or so before I committed to the surgery. I did a lot of self-evaluation during that time. Getting your head screwed on right WRT food and surgery expectations is absolutely necessary for this surgery to help you achieve and maintain a healthy life.

You should be very proud of yourself for making this decision.

[Harley Granny]

Only you know what's right for you.
When I 1st heard of this I knew it was an answer to my prayers.

I wish you nothing but the best!

[NewMe_KCB]

Thanks so much for sharing and being honest with yourself and others. I hope all is well and your decision is from the heart.

[LealScott]

You sound like you are making the right choice for you right now. And, unlike the surgery, your choice is reversible if and when you are ready. Hopefully you can take all you have learned here and in your classes and support group and mms,e it work for you. I still have not lost as much post surgery as. Pre, but I don't regret it. What tipped me into choosing it was that I had the approval and insurance coverage to do it and I might not in the future. I am scared about how medical care is going, particularly for seniors, and I don't want to be on Medicare with Diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. and not be able to find a doctor or not be covered because of a pre existing condition. At 58 years I knew it was now or never and since it all came together I decided to go for it.

But it is a lifestyle change and some people can't give up the relationship they have with food. Better to thi k snout it more if needed.

Wishing g you the best in your weight struggles and your life.

[Truebody]

Congratulations on being true to yourself and listening to what your gut is telling you.
I'm also concerned about how many people take this surgery without too much thought and I for one want to do as much research as I can.
All the very best to you and mending your fractured relationship with food.
It's a battle we tackle everyday.

[Sunflower]

Only you can know when you're ready for this. That being said--the two women in your group had very different surgeries from you. VERY DIFFERENT. I too have had a lap band and it absolutely did not work for me. The failure rate with lap bands is around 70%, or more. Bypass surgery has been an effective tool for many, but for lots of reasons that you don't need me to go into right now, it has more risks and draw backs than the sleeve. The bypass is becoming passe now that more and more people are opting for the sleeve with mostly excellent results. You probably did not know those women before their surgeries, so you don't know where they started or all the ins and outs of their personal weight loss journeys. Surgery is always scary. I know, I've had lots of them. The most important thing is that you get healthy and lose the weight some how because the effects of obseity are much more frightening than any surgery you may get. Good luck and peace be with you.

[Texgal]

Look I respect your decision ,but I was where you are now and I worry its last minute jitters trying to stop you. I had that worry to ,but with out the surgery I wouldn't be where I am now. This Is just a tool to help you get there. You have to do it yourself. Regardless the surgery or not its a life style change. Most people who are skinny have to constantly work at it. My dr weighs every day and it keeps him accountable. I'm doing that too and exercise. These things will help you do it. Good luck send me a private message if you need to talk. One thing I have learned Is everyone is different so u can't listen to them. Since u weren't there they may have just given up.

[hope4me]

I'm feeling what you are saying. I say don't do this if you are not 100% sure. I have no regrets as I'm learning all the time I can't eat like I used to, so I don't try to force it. You are right. if you decide to have this surgery it will be there. But whatever you do. Don't base your decision on what others are saying or doing. It just maybe that they are not applying themselves with it all. Here's to doing what is best for you. Take care.