Braver than you Believe...

[Moose'sMomma]

I am about one week from beginning the pre-op "detox" as I call it. I have had increased anxiety for the past few days leading to my intestinal track reaking havoc on my body so I took the day off work. To get out and clear my head, I had lunch with the hubster, got proactive in going to the grocery store for the meals for the week, and researching different protein shakes and powders for detox and recovery. While I thought this all would uplift my spirits...it did not. I found myself beginning to grieve for the life I always knew...while a physically unhealthy one, it was/is my life. During lunch, I had a thought provoking conversation with the hubster and was asking him things that I was hoping would help lift my spirits such as What is one thing you are looking forward to after surgery? While his answer was loving and supportive I had an overwhelming sense of dread....what if I don't live up to what he is looking forward to the most?!

When we got home I found myself reviewing the pre-op diet that was given to me...4-5 protein shakes a day and supplemental items such as lettuce, some veggies, 98% fat free broths and cream soups, sugars free jello and sugar free Popsicles....but all no more than 800 calories a day. Post op 30 days of liquids, then 30 days of puréed foods, then 30 days soft/mushy foods. Regular foods beginning May 27th, Memorial Day. I have had surgeries in the past regarding my intestinal track with similar diets but never so long and always restricted to a bed. I find my self asking...can I do this? I am answering myself with crickets....the sound of silence. Not...YES you CaN, not NO you CAN'T. but silence. Then I came on here, wanting support though gravitating to the posts of despair and questions. well why not, that is what I am feeling. I have never posted my own thread or blog... Until now. Whether it is read or not is not my source of concern. I am doing this for me...for me...FOR ME! Took me long enough to say it, so I will say it again....I AM DOING THIS FOR ME! The surgery, the support, the sense of knowing this is the right thing, not easy...lord knows this is not easy. But it is right.

Before writing...err typing....I went on Pinterest to begin pinning motivation quotes for when I need one. and boy did I find one....so I leave this rather long post to remind myself...

"Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." ~ A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

[christine53]

I like that

[Kay Thompson]

Here is another quote from A.A. Milne, "Silly ole' Bear" Of course your post will be read. If you need support, you got it. If you need a listening ear, you got it. If you need someone to play devil's advocate with, you can have that too (but I think you have that covered - LOL) I get it. I GET IT!! We lead unhealthy lives before surgery, but it is what we know and the thought of such drastic change is scary. I've tried to talk to my husband about it, but I'm not so sure it sinks in sometimes. My husband is supportive but he doesn't say much. Just look at this process in small bites.

Bite #1 - Pre-op Diet
Bite #2 - Surgery and recovery
Bite #3 - 30 days of liquids
Bite #4 - 30 days of puree' foods
Bite #5 - 30 days of soft and mushy foods

Your journey will be well worth it. Think about all the things that are going to change. You will drop weight, you will need new clothes, you will be able to do things you couldn't do before or haven't done in a long time. Me, I just want to paint my toenails LOL. Hey did I mention that you will need new clothes!!!

Take care, you have my support.

[BBARB]

It is normal been so tense and second guessing ourself before surgery. You will do it, you will succeed and you will live throught it. It will go so fast, you will see. Do not worry, you will not suffer the head hunger for long time if you ever do. and once that is over you will not care about eating little or mushi. it is such a journey and just live it.
Please do post more and more. we are here to read and support you
good job so far

[healedheart]

I am really surprised at your post op diet.....Most have you eating something like cottage cheese within 3 weeks.

[marilynlw]

You are so right it does take bravery and determination. Once you have been brave enough to decided to take this journey to a healthier happier life you must also be determined to not let anything or anyone stand in your way.You must decide this is what you need to do for you and nobody else but you. Yes it is a challenge and there are some risks but the rewards are much greater. Best wishes on your journey and don't worry you will be able to eat all your favorite foods again only in very small portions. You CAN do it!

[goestogym]

Yours is an entertaining post. I can so relate.-About me-I'm due to be sleeved on Friday. Prior to my mandatory "Pre-Op detox" I went on 2 months of "last suppers" The thoughts like "I'll never have another loaded bagel, all you can eat buffet, steak dinner served on a man hole cover, unlimited pancake breakfast with sausage bacon and eggs, fast food "combos" cheesecake, drive in whatever, coffee drinks that are mostly sugar but definately caffeine (which I had to give up) and Holiday and birthday Social events where the food is there so I should eat it, continually drove my insanity and I indulged. Now I write you eating steamed broccoli with chopsticks. This is supposed to be hell week. I still have the hunger hormones. However even though I have to correct my thinking, the amount of food is strangely do-able! I can only think it will be easier without the hunger hormone. The Head hunger is what we will continually have to work on. For that I'm here on this board, reading library materials and considering a therapist (if he/she is not more screwed up than I am!) The gist of this message is that if I can do it, so can you. We both have a lot to look forward to!

[Mermaidmb]

I'm about 5 weeks post op and really have no desire to eat things, I can't anyway, LOL. I'm supposed to be on solid proteins it its very hard to chew more than a few bites without being done. I have some cravings but know I couldn't tolerate it. My birthday is Friday and I so want a hibachi steak dinner and have $30 coupon for it, will probably go and try and the hubby will eat everything. I've not tried meat yet, just chicken and salmon and lots of cheese.