Dealing with the holidays

[BiggieSmalls]

Last night my wife and I were discussing our holiday plans. With my surgery coming up on Monday, I knew that I did not want to host Thanksgiving this year because I don't know how I'll feel just two and a half weeks after surgery and I don't want to cook without being able to eat any of it - I don't know if I'll have the passion that it takes to make food taste good. I then started thinking about Christmas as well, and then the thought popped into my head: why don't I just postpone my surgery until after Christmas? I gave that a few minutes of thought, and then realized the strong emotional pull that food has on me.

I don't usually eat for comfort - it's not as though I go raid my refrigerator when I'm feeling bad. But my family centers itself around food. My father has been overweight at least since I was born. He's always cooked HUGE meals (think two 15lb Prime Rib Roasts for 10 people???) because it made him the center of attention and he craves that. I now do the same thing - it's not uncommon for me to cook enormous amounts of food for a relatively few people, just because it's social and it's my way of contributing while being the big shot. And then I eat a bunch because it's smorgasbord.


Someone on this forum said something about food being like gasoline - a car and a person only need enough to run. I want to make it so I enjoy food as a luxury on occasion. Otherwise I want just enough to be healthy.


No questions in this post, I'm just letting out some emotion.

[aboutime4me]

Matt, so much of our lives revolve around food and you are not alone in this. The holidays are such a stressful time for many people for a variety of reasons. You are so right in NOT postponing the surgery until after the upcoming food festival! That shows you are ready for this incredible sleeved journey. You're mature and want to get on with it. You will have great success, I'm sure of that.

After surgery your relationship with food will be changed forever. It might not seem like it at the initial time, but you will get your passion back for making food for yourself and others, and you'll realize it doesn't have to be a mountain of food either. You will only eat a bit of it but in that bit you will be satisfied physically and emotionally. The food will ultimately not control you....YOU WILL CONTROL THE FOOD! That has been the greatest gift for me...I feel FREE for the first time in my life. Eating is no longer a driving issue for me. I ate for every mood...it didn't matter if I was hungry or not. I ate everything sweet and fattening in site.

Thanks for sharing this post and let us know how things go for you. Just think, next year at this time you'll be a healthier, happier former version of yourself...only BETTER and SMALLER!

[Tesserae]

Hi Matt. I'm getting my sleeve tomorrow. Which means I was on pure liquid diet right through Halloween night. I got to watch my 3 kids feast on yummy candy while I drank broth. Lol, not fun but necessary. I, too, will be hosting Turkey Day this year. Christmas as well. We are Italian and food is everything. Trust me, it crosses my mind all the time that the dozens of Christmas recipes that I have collected will never touch my lips (or at least no more than a tiny bite). i am also going to Disneyland on December 11th and I have already thought of all the treats I was going to eat but now will no longer be eating. Pretty much everything I used to do revolved around having some treat or food and now that is all going to change.

I think I am so tired and disgusted with being fat that it isn't really bothering me at this point. I'm 35, have 3 kids, and weight 270. Gross. I had lost 100lbs a few years ago and have since gained it back. So I have had a taste of thin and it feels GREAT! I am confident in all of us that we can make the necessary changes. They won't always be fun but they'll get easier.

[SandyFromNJ]

[QUOTE=aboutime4me;211761]After surgery your relationship with food will be changed forever. It might not seem like it at the initial time, but you will get your passion back for making food for yourself and others, and you'll realize it doesn't have to be a mountain of food either. You will only eat a bit of it but in that bit you will be satisfied physically and emotionally. The food will ultimately not control you....YOU WILL CONTROL THE FOOD! That has been the greatest gift for me...I feel FREE for the first time in my life. Eating is no longer a driving issue for me. I ate for every mood...it didn't matter if I was hungry or not. I ate everything sweet and fattening in site. <<==Thank you so much for sharing this! I am pending surgery on Monday too. I also eat for every reason under the sun, even if I am not hungry. My family has always had HUGE holiday meals. I have three sisters and our families get together for the hoildays, we all bring food and celebrate while eating, eating and eating. Since my Mom has aged (she is 91 years old), all holidays for the past 10-15 years have been at my house. The last couple of years, one of my sisters have been hosting Thanksgiving Day at her house. Last year, was the first TGD that I had off from work AND did not have to cook a huge meal. I only made a desert, a vegetable dish and mashed potatoes. This year, my boss was going to give me the day off but I talked her into letting me work since I would not be able to eat. I know it is the easy way out. I will still go over to my sisters house but I will miss the big turkey dinner. I will be there for desert. If I am brave, I might have a small spoonful of Pumpkin custard but most importantly, I will be there to visit with my family and make plans for Black Friday shopping.

Christmas will be at my house but I am not fretting about it now. I am thinking more about the surgery on Monday. I am ready to change my eating habits. I am looking forward to a new relationship with food.

Matt, I wish you an uneventful surgery and a quick recovery.

Mary, thank you so much for your post.

SandyfromNJ

[wpage]

Matt, you could have been talking about me. I am having my surgery 3 days before Thanksgiving and my first reaction when they told me the date was "YIKES", that is right before Thanksgiving, I will not get out of the hospital until Wednesday afternoon, I won't be able to eat OR cook for my family...but after the initial shock wore off, I said "So what??", holidays are not only about food and I have had my last food centered holiday. This year though since I will be so fresh from surgery, I am skipping the whole deal. I am sending the hubby and son to my in-laws and I am taking the day for myself, I am going to watch sappy Christmas movies, maybe decorate the Christmas tree (yes, on Thanksgiving. I am actually looking forward to taking the day off for the first time in 22 years!!!

[DarliKay]

Matt, think of what an AWESOME gift you are going to give yourself for Christmas! You will probably still tire very easily when Thanksgiving day rolls around, but by the time Christmas comes you will be loving the results you are seeing and feeling so, so, so PROUD of yourself! All the best to you and your sweet family. They are our true blessings during the holidays.

[JulieJ]

Hi Matt. I'm getting my sleeve tomorrow. Which means I was on pure liquid diet right through Halloween night. I got to watch my 3 kids feast on yummy candy while I drank broth. Lol, not fun but necessary. I, too, will be hosting Turkey Day this year. Christmas as well. We are Italian and food is everything. Trust me, it crosses my mind all the time that the dozens of Christmas recipes that I have collected will never touch my lips (or at least no more than a tiny bite). i am also going to Disneyland on December 11th and I have already thought of all the treats I was going to eat but now will no longer be eating. Pretty much everything I used to do revolved around having some treat or food and now that is all going to change.

I think I am so tired and disgusted with being fat that it isn't really bothering me at this point. I'm 35, have 3 kids, and weight 270. Gross. I had lost 100lbs a few years ago and have since gained it back. So I have had a taste of thin and it feels GREAT! I am confident in all of us that we can make the necessary changes. They won't always be fun but they'll get easier.

Tesserae, your story is mine, except I have some years on you (I'm 53). I lost 100# and gained it back, too. I had my sleeve last tuesday and so far, it has been easier than I could have dreamed. My biggest regret is that I didn't do it when I was your age! Good luck to you tomorrow! I will pray for a sucessful surgery and speedy recovery for you. Let us know how you do!

[Finally Ready I think]

It is amazing how much our lives centers around food! Being Italian, I totally get what you are saying Matt and being married to a chef, doesn't help. The big difference is he thinks "food costs" and I think "that's not enough" llmao. When I cook he says who is coming and I say you never know who may stop over, and of course no one does, lol. I knew I was ready for surgery when last year I made all the italian cookies to feed the masses for our open house and did not eat one, tasted batter for flavor and then spit it out. Got through Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and a cruise without eating any sweets and losing weight, knew then my excuse days were over and I was mentally prepared to change my ways. I think from the sound of it, you are there also, so good luck to you and congrats on your decision!

[BBARB]

Your relationship with food will change and yes it will feel like more a fuel than the center of our live and love.
Now I am 5 months out. I do think that not hosting thanksgiving it is a great idea because the first couple of weeks are little tough. You will see improvment day by day.
Like you I wasnt a confort food person, but my family showed love by food (I am italian generation 0). During the first month you really need to adjust your brain around the fact that you really need that little food, that two bites make you full, that is ok. DO not get scared cause it last few weeks more or less. then you are fine and the rest of the world is off eating huge amount of food. Of course one day we will eat more but never as we did before surgery, cause this is what we want.
I am hosting big sunday lunch at my place with all my Italian friends, there is a load of food and I am super happy, I eat little more those days, meaning that I eat more often, but still small amount of delicious food and I totally enjoy the company. I actually eat better, cause I have more variety. You know I live alone and I am not cooking so many things since I eat few oz at the time. Maybe for you will be different since you have family. Anyway I do enjoy our big italian sunday lunches even more than before because I am guilt free afterwards.
SO I think you may even host Christmas and you will be absolutely fine. you will eat and enjoy the company.
There will be always social events in your life, if it is not thanksgiving or xsmas it will be birthdays, anniversary, bbqs and so on and if you want to postpone the surgery is your decision. But you can make it! It is a life change and you can still enjoy your social event without over eating and simply taste the food but mostly the company

[Truffles]

Hi Matt. You shouldn't really worry too much about the holiday food. You will be amazed at how normal you feel around all that food. I wrote the following post about hosting Thanksgiving dinner (Canadians celebrate in early October). I was 6 weeks post-op, then.

It was a long day cooking but now it's over and it was a success, for me and the family. I made:

- Turkey
- stuffing
- Gravy
- mashed potato
- roasted yams
- cranberry sauce
- steamed broccoli & cauliflower
- acorn & butternut squash soup
- pumpkin pie brownie bites with light whipped cream

I modified the soup. I added greek yogurt instead of cream cheese.

We started with the soup and I had about 1 tablespoon but I used a teaspoon to eat it so I was able to have a few small spoonfuls. For the main dinner, I had a couple of small pieces of turkey, I smeared a titch of cranberry sauce on the turkey, and about a teaspoon of gravy. I had a stewed carrot (I make a stock with the turkey neck and I eat the carrots) piece, a piece of broccoli, and some yams. For dessert, I had about a tablespoon of the light whipped cream only (4 tbsp = 30 cal).

I don't feel deprived at all. It's amazing.

[BiggieSmalls]

Thanks for sharing with me guys. I am so looking forward to getting to a normal weight - I don't want wear size 46 pants anymore! I know I can avoid holiday foods.

The pre-op diet is working now, and tomorrow I start the all-liquid thing until surgery on Monday. It's funny how losing even 5 pounds makes you feel so much lighter.

[mariposa]

I get up every morning and tell myself " I eat to survive, I don't survive to eat". I am only ten days out and my desire to eat isn't really there, but i cook healthy meals for my family every evening and sit with them at the dinner and drink my protein shake while they eat. I now realize that the best reason to gather at the dinner table is for the company and the togetherness, not to stuff my face. I am enjoying it actually. Don't postpone your surgery or else you are letting the thought of food defeat you. Chin up and hang in there. : )

[Tesserae]

Tesserae, your story is mine, except I have some years on you (I'm 53). I lost 100# and gained it back, too. I had my sleeve last tuesday and so far, it has been easier than I could have dreamed. My biggest regret is that I didn't do it when I was your age! Good luck to you tomorrow! I will pray for a sucessful surgery and speedy recovery for you. Let us know how you do!

Thank you so much! I'm so excited to get this done. I am having all these terrible thoughts about things going wrong BEFORE I actually get the surgery tomorrow. Like, too much traffic on the way down there (so I miss 9am check in), or car trouble, or anything! I am such a worry-wart =P I bet I won't be able to sleep tonight!

[marilynlw]

Hi Matt! YES your relationship with food will change but you will again be able to enjoy hosting food fests just wont be partaking in a whole lot. I am only one week behind you so Thanksgiving will be a non event this year. My daughter is happy as she hates turkey and hates all the fuss I make with it and then eating it for a week or two after. No turkey this year.

Wishing you the best on your journey.

[Laural]

Hi Matt, Most of us have circled our lives around food for one reason or another. I am a passionate cook and have always cooked for my family holiday dinners, breakfast, brunch, lunch... etc. Once I had the surgury I really didn't know what to expect about cooking. I found I now have a deeper passion (I didn't think that was possible) but now I am cooking only healthy for my family. Even though I might not be able to eat the same foods right now, I am on week #5 since surgery, it still makes me feel satisfied that I am cooking for the family.

My husband and I decided to lie to our families this year for Thanksgiving - I told mine that we are going to his and we told his we are going to mine. When in reality I am cooking a small Thanksgiving for just he and I. Since I have not told his side of the family that I had the operation, I don't want to sit and explain why I am eating the way that I am. And for my first holiday meal, I want to have it in private to see what I can eat or not.

I wish you the best in your upcoming surgery, it is the best and most precious gift you can give yourself and your family. The rest ... it will all fall into place.