almost 1 yr sleeve-versary mixed emotions.

[kelli4girlz]

Hi girls and boys, It's been a long almost 1 yr.. During surgery I woke up but Dr didn't know..It was kind of a weird freak of nature thing...anyway I haven't seen the dr but a few times and it was super hard to go because I was seriously freaked out. I hated going both times...nothing wrong with staff or dr per say, but just hated being in a place that was so painful while I was there...I have lost about 65 lbs which is way better then I did any other year in the past 10 yrs...so I am pleased but definatelly not where I wanted to be. I'm now able to eat anything seriously anything but definately smaller amounts...but I am struggling not to eat junk, chips, chocolate all the things that got me fat in the first place. I definately had a screw it attitude after surgery...I felt betrayed, lonley, frustrated and intitled ...I haven't really havent gotten out of the i'm starving phase. think I'll start posting more and see if that helps w my resolve. I don't want to put the weight back on...[I] have family that have had bypass and gained the weight back almost all of it....I don't want this...not at all. I think I just need help...ewww I hate saying that.. really hate it...sounds desperate,lame...whatever that's where I am....It's funny because I know I can do this, but I wonder if I will really do this..so crazy in the head some times....tks Kelli

[Vyvyan]

Hi Kelli, That's one of my fears too is waking up during surgery. I read recently that it is most likely to happen during open heart.. I guess you threw that one way off the curve.. How horrible!! I've also read about people who are awake but paralyzed and so the only way to know is if there is a change in vital signs and someone figures it out... just horrible... But I'm sorry to hear that you're not happy with how things are going. The only thing I can recommend is talking to your doctor. Or if not him, maybe a therapist or someone who can listen to you and give you feedback and some suggestions? You know you're the only one who can do this, right? And you can. Don't beat yourself up. Be kind and patient.. to you! It's all part of the process and part of the journey.

[blues*room]

Wow.....that's horrifying that you woke up during surgery! That has to have changed your focus on your weight loss. I think you should talk to your dr about what happened on your next visit. I may help you, and to help prevent this from happening to someone else in any of his future surgeries.

You have done well with your 65 lb weight loss. Just remember all you have went through to get to this point to stay focused.

[Elbie]

Waking up during surgery has got to be a horribly traumatic experience. I am so sorry that happened! It is good that you are reaching out for help though. Did you have your surgery at a center where there are multiple modalities for support? For example, my surgeon's office also has nutritionists and a psychiatrist as well as support groups twice a month. If your surgery center has something like this, take advantage of it! If they do not have something set up, I am sure that they could make referrals for you. I believe that you really have the potential to benefit from getting both nutritional and also emotional support since this was such a traumatic experience. Keep coming to us too. Best wishes!

[niamh]

I would give serious consideration to seeking psychological treatment for trauma. Given that many of us who overate had big problems with emotional eating for stress and anxiety, you are at much greater risk having been traumatised. The fact that you're finding it difficult to be in the place that reminds you of the trauma is a big indication this is not a problem going away; you'd usually expect that if it was going to resolve without treatment that would happen within 3-6 months of the initial experience. So sorry to hear you had this experience - I hope you find a solution.