Please can i just hit him in the face...with the car!!!

[ACE]

I swear my husband is clueless and its pissing me off bad. Ok so I really dont understand, lastnight I tell dave i need him to clean up dinner because every time i went in the kitchen i found myself looking for stuff to eat and i dont need to be doing that. he says yes i will clean it up and i wake up this morning to find dinner still on the stove and nothing cleaned up. we are all supposed to go with mom today and go fishing for our memorial day festivities since its hard to get us all together and i so dont want to ruin that but i honestly dont want to go now i feel like i am punishing myself because dave is being a dick. then i want to tell him he cant go until its clen but mom has an appointment before we go fishing so its not like we can just wait for him to clean it up. I am so angry and hurt by him today its terrible i mean he knows i have a food addiction its not like a drug addiction in that i can not just stop eating or just remove it from the house i told him in the begining of all this i was going to need his help in these things there are days i cannot deal with food at all i have to have him make my food and make sure i eat what i am supposed to. I just dont understqnd why I cook and clean and do everythign i can to make this house nice for him when he gets home and he cant help me make it nice for when i wake up? or help me with my issues surrounding food. I just want to find a way to make him see what this stupid little thing can do to damage me. I have been telling him i feel invisible for months and a few weeks ago i moved all his things out of our bedroom because i was so tired of not being heard so when i woke up to find something much like this morning i just took everything he owns and threw it all into the spare room in a pile on the floor. I swear he tells me he is afraid of loosing me and now its like he is afraid of loosing me because he isnt willing to do what it takes to keep me here. I have been feeling miserable lately and i am so tired of not being heard but it seems even extreme actions on my part arent making him understand and yes i have tried and tried talking to him and he acts as if he is listening then its like his brain says yeah what ever she just said lets just delete that ......so frustrated!!!!!

[Munchkin]

First, I want to congratulation you. You have lost so much weight. That takes dedication and hard work. Great job.. keep up the good work.

Second, a hug to you. That is so frustrating when you can't get someone to really listen to you.

Third, I highly recommend seeing a therapist.

[Rebecca50]

Marriage is hard especially when you have one that is self centered. I know I have one! ?) I have found that getting angry only hurts you and get you all upset. If you can't talk to him sit down ans write him a letter so that he has it to read in his own time frame.
Make a list of what you reasonably can expect from him or that you need. Please remember men think differently than we do! )

The next thing you need to ask yourself . do you love him enough to stay with him, can he change, is he willing to try, and the last resort would be to go on strike..lol.. )))) quit making him meals, doing anything for him until he gets it. I have been married for 30 years and I do go on strike occasionaly to get through his thick skull that I'm not his slave or his mama but his wife and partner.

[louisianagirl55]

Congratulations on your weight loss. You are doing a really good job.

[jazziejasmine]

I agree that your husband should have followed through and cleaned up if he said he would. It's like, don't tell me you're gonna do it if you don't want to do it. But I also feel that I'm reading in your commentary that it is up to him to control your eating? Why is that his responsibility? You are accountable for your own actions and you need to make the lasting changes in your life to prevent gaining your weight back. It's not up to him to "police" what you eat - that's your responsibility and part of the lifestyle changes you need to be making for yourself. You've come so far on your weight loss journey, why would you give your power away to your husband and blame him now? Only you can choose to put down the fork or not to eat.

As Munchkin mentioned above, perhaps getting some therapeutic help will help you get a grip on your situation of being responsible for yourself and not making it everyone else's problem.

[kar]

This is what I have learned about being married, being married is like having a 1 broken tile in your beautiful bathroom. If you concentrate on the broken tile you will never enjoy the rest of the room. My advice is, as annoying as it is that he did not clean the kitchen let it go. Let it go for your own sake not his, your inner peace and well being is too important to be let something like dirty dishes ruin your whole weekend. You are having such great success celebrate it with joy in your heart! You deserve it.

[Liz Green]

I get what you are saying.....I have asked my Husband for support as well, and there are days he just doesnt help! Is it to much to ask to eat in the kitchen while I am in the living room so I dont have to see the junk he is eating and want it. I am on the 2 week pre op diet and it has been hard. The protien drinks taste good, but when you smell food, You want it so bad. Just a little support from him would be nice.
Sorry, guess I needed to just vent! Good luck! You are doing so great!!!

[cowgirljane]

My hubby does the same thing - really clueless. He is supportive in other ways but I have given up on him not tempting me with food availability. He constantly offers me desserts and stuff.

[brianamato]

Im sorry they never taught us that on Mars...

[yampa7a]

MEN Thats all it is Men. They don't like change. If I go out of town with girl friends mine says to me " Going to find a Cowboy?" Really, Im 230 Pounds, I weigh more than his horse. Now that you are showing signs of success your man is probably feeling insecure. You are taming your dragons and maybe he does'nt even know what his are. Just keep saying what you are saying and yes, put his stuff in another room, and sooner or later he will get it or he will need to go to counseling with you to work it out so you don't loose your voice saying the same thing every day of your life. You are going to make it. Good luck.

[ladyberg]

Loved the title of your post. There a days when we ALL want to run our husbands over with the car

[CraftyKelly73]

Lots of good advice. All I can say is good luck! You must be a strong woman to have made the progress you have. Don't quit now!

[Cattitude]

You have been very successful chica! Take that power and YOU can control how and what you eat. You cannot change anything but your own reaction to situations like this. I agree in looking at the big picture and trying to enjoy life. I have worked very hard on letting all the little stuff go, it really does wonders for yourself.

[DavidNM]

Hide all the plates, silverware and glassware. Go to paper and plastic until he can learn to clean up after himself. Buy him a cookbook.
Don't be a dick, Dave!

[christopher]

May I suggest marriage counseling? I don't know, but it sounds like you need to ease up a little. I wouldn't let something this small ruin a great holiday weekend. Did you [tell] or ask your husband to do something? You know that it's all in the delivery.

Also, I would like to congratulate you on your success.

Last but not least, people there is a difference between LOOSE and lose.