Dating redux

[Booth89e]

no one discussed post surgery dating on a previous thread, and since I just had my first post-op date, I thought I would restart it and see if anyone else what's to join in.

Ok some background on me. In my previous life before my weight gain, I played college football and was a competitive weight lifter. I took(injected) steroids for 5 years during that time and had a body fat ratio of 6 to 8%. While finishing my masters degree, I started modeling and was picked up by a mens skin care line to be there national spokesman. I also did some beer commercials. This was the 80's and my little star faded, got married, worked and divorced 2 years ago. The weight started coming on mid to late 90's and although I stayed active, I went skiing a month before my surgery, I lost control of the weight about 7 or 8 years ago and ballooned to 340 at 6'1". Through this I lived my glory days in my mind and still kept the cockiness and false sense of entitlement.

So I have lost some initial weight quickly, 55 lbs in 5 weeks, and my face really thinned out as well as I have a broad chest so I could hide my stomach a bit with it.

Ok enough rambling about me, but i wanted to set up why I think I can be a jerk sometimes (kidding...I am jerk all the time).

I got set up on a blind date by some one who just met me and had no idea I had the surgery.

I called my date and set up a date for this Friday (Feb. 25). We met at one of my favorite wine bars and I got there early to snag the table I wanted.

When she got there, i quickly saw she wasn't my type. I like women to look as feminine as possible and she had short hair ( it has to at least hit the shoulder). Pretty face, but with a slightly gravely voice(Lauren Bacall-ish); the dikey short hair did not help with the voice.

Oh well, but an ugly date is more fun than being alone (kidding....alone is much more fun)

I ordered a bottle of wine and knowing I can't and won't drink it, I faked the tasting of it when the waiter presented the bottle. Sure I smelled the nose, checked the legs, and swirled it to get it full of air ( i am talking about my date now ;p) but I only brought the wine to my lips and pretended to taste it. The place was dim so no one could tell.

I sat us right by a large palm ( I hope they are hardy plants) because my first glass of wine I poured it into the plant when she wasn't looking. It was a nice bottle of wine so I changed tactics and started pouring my glass into hers when she excused herself to the restroom twice (probably because she drank a whole bottle of wine by herself). I also ordered a nice cheese, fruit, and meat platter to snack on. Since I am still on pureed foods, I nibbled on the fresh mozzerella and the rest of the stuff on my plate I scraped most into the plant when she was gone. ( I killed that plant).

She was getting a bit handsy during the date ( I am sure do to the all of the wine she drank) and unexpectedly went in for a kiss. I am not a prude, far from it, but I only kiss if I like the person, so like a chick(no offense..maybe a little) I turned and gave her my cheek to kiss. First attack avoided.

It was time to get out of dodge, so I paid the check and we got up to leave, well she puts her arm around my waist and her hand is about 3 inches from the suture where they pull your stomach out and that one is a bit swollen. I was thinking please don't start rubbing around there. I kind of squeezed her arm/wrist with the inside of my arm to hold it in place as we walked.

We got outside and I had parked a couple of blocks away but she was able to get a spot right in front. Once we stepped outside, she did some kind of ninja spin move and before I knew it she planted one on me and I could feel her tongue starting to enter my mouth. Once again, not a prude, but I am not playing tonsil hockey with a divorced 42 year old woman that is looking for a life mate( I just assume that every woman in my area is looking for their next husband). I took a half step back to avoid the full frontal attack.

She offered to drive me to my car which I declined and pointed to some random car that was close and said that was mine. She offered again and I politely declined again. She went in for a hug this time and said she had a great time and I replied that I had a nice time as well. She picked up on the fact that I said NICE and that she said GREAT.

So she asked me "It was nice not great?"



I paused and looked like I was pondering the question and replied "Nope, just nice"

The question is do you think she will call me again?

[kitsonk]

Well, being honest is actually more important I think. I am lucky that I have been with my partner for 11+ years now and my partner is my ideal from a physical perspective (e.g. no wait issues). I think too many people end up in relationships because they are "nice" but everyone wants to pretend they are "great".

My, I am very extroverted. You can know me for 5 minutes and then I am likely to spill everything in my life. So, I would have been just laid it out there, the whole thing. I can understand people wanting to appear "normal" especially after WLS sort of makes pulling that off possible.

I wouldn't say you were a "jerk". A "jerk" would have bedded her and then never had any contact with her again. You were honest about how you felt and didn't give any wrong signals.

I think WLS an men are a tough situation, because while it seems to be acceptable to diet for women, us guys are just expected to get along. If we are overweight, especially in the US. I think more for men then women, WLS is considered a "failure" in the general public.

[MoreFitDiane]

I don't think you did anything really wrong with the woman, but I do think you were cruel to the plant. Not to hijack your guy conversation here, but I would have probably just sipped an ounce or two of the wine (my dietitian says I can), and mentioned that I wasn't eating the food other than the cheese because I was watching my weight. There's no harm in admitting that you're watching your weight and/or trying to lose. In fact, to most women, it would come as a bit of a relief to think you weren't going to try to woo us with chocolate and fattening stuff all the time...most women are ALWAYS watching their weight. As long as you don't come across as a gym rat and make us feel guilty because we don't get to the gym every single day, you'd be fine.

[msdw59]

Will she call you back? I'm still stuck on the fact that you wrote this on a forum.

[tammy73]

I couldn't agree with you more Lady Di...........

[lovevampy]

Only if she is desperate lol .. unable to take a hint

[tls]

I think you need to ask yourself a few more personal questions, other than if she will call you back or not. One, is how would you like to be treated by someone else. Remember the golden rule. Do unto others, as you would have them do un to you, and unfortunatly, it's not always about you! This question should be asked in every aspect of your life, not just dating, and getting anything and everything out of it that YOU can.

[sandyfromoz]

Hello Family, It's time to catch up with you all.
I'm sorry Ladies, and Gent, But I got a much needed laugh from Booth. Sorry, blame it on my Aussie girl attitude. Booth I think you are gorgeous and I haven't even been to check out your profile yet!!!!!!!!!!!!.
But one thing you musn't do, is pour your coffee into plants as the poor little things will be up all night.
Cheers from Sandy xoxo

Dissapointed no Pic of the Cheeky Booth, and a little worried about his goal weight being 8lbs. hmmm!

[Booth89e]

I think you need to ask yourself a few more personal questions, other than if she will call you back or not. One, is how would you like to be treated by someone else. Remember the golden rule. Do unto others, as you would have them do un to you, and unfortunatly, it's not always about you! This question should be asked in every aspect of your life, not just dating, and getting anything and everything out of it that YOU can.

I think under the circumstances, I did pretty well. I did not get into as much detail about how aggressive she was at the table. A couple of times, I thought I should pay her $3.99 per minute.

If I had done unto her what she done did to me, either we would have had a baby or I would have been arrested.

Of course, the only reason I did not go home with her was it would have been awkward to ask if I could leave my shirt on and for her not to touch anywhere north of my belly button and just below my pecs. Yeah, that isn't too sexy.

[Booth89e]

Will she call you back? I'm still stuck on the fact that you wrote this on a forum.

A little levity never hurt anyone. Let me make you feel more comfortable:

You can do it!!!

Good Luck Sister!!!

We are here for you!!!

You should call your doctor.

I have loose stools and I gained weight.

What is the best way to eat a T-Bone Steak post-surgery?

Has anyone asked to have the Lap Band put in over the sleeve and then reconnect your colon above the band?

[sandyfromoz]

Tsk Tsk! now now, Booth, behave. Sometimes things read differently to how they are written on forums, 'tis just the nature of the beast.
I personally don't think she will call as when she sobered up she may have realised how forward and cheeky she was. Hee Hee. But if you think she is worth a second chance (or if you are game)go for it, it's only a phonecall.
Good luck! Take Care!

[MoreFitDiane]

Besides, you don't seriously WANT her to call you, do you? She's not your type, her hair's too short, she was too aggressive, she's looking for a life mate, blah blah blah. That question was just a joke, right? I don't even know why people are bothering to answer. The next time you take a woman on a date, just be honest about yourself and your feelings. If there are no "sparks," just say you don't feel any sparks.

[tammy73]

Booth89e, I think that you have forgotten that this is a support group and that is why people are here. How can we support ignorant comments about a date that you had just met? Ok maybe there was not physical attraction on your part but calling her names and making comments like "dikey short hair" is really uncalled for an offensive to some.

[GoofySpice]

OH BOOTH
such a good thread you started. Will she call again...your funny!!! She probably can't remember what you look like thanks to that whole bottle of wine. Any hooters I have a question for you... what if she HAD been your type?? What then?? Would you still have wined and dined the plant or would you have gone along the lines of having "dinner"? Yerk you may be... but I think down deep you have respect for yourself and perhaps others who are looking to get hitched. My advice to you is to stick to coffee dates for now and perhaps find a nice tapas bar and order wine by the GLASS

[Booth89e]

Besides, you don't seriously WANT her to call you, do you? She's not your type, her hair's too short, she was too aggressive, she's looking for a life mate, blah blah blah. That question was just a joke, right? I don't even know why people are bothering to answer. The next time you take a woman on a date, just be honest about yourself and your feelings. If there are no "sparks," just say you don't feel any sparks.

Yes the question was an absolute joke. Full Disclaimer- Read everything I write as if it is dripping with sarcasm....

Except for that last sentence...and this sentence as well.