Non-Sleeve related rant ......

[jdavido]

Sometimes I just want to climb atop my roof and scream FUUUUUUCK as loud as I can.

Here's the story: I have a blood disease called Thalassemia. It's considered an auto immune disorder - and is a distant cousin to sickle cell anemia. This time last year I had surgery on my neck to remove a lymphnode that had gotten the size of a lemon and was putting pressure on my spine/brain stem. I thought the issue would resolve itself. Not that easy apparently. At the moment, I have a total of 4 lumps on my neck - 2 are painful, 2 are not. The 2 that ARE painful have me in agony. I've set up FMLA through my employer so I can protect my job when I can't come in to work.

My energy is non existent, I have random fevers on and off throughout the day, I have bouts of dizziness with nausea and overall weakness. What. The. FUCK!!!

Spoke to my PCP today - BEST case scenario, I have MRSA and will need my blood filtered and a picc line to my heart for IV antibiotics (I've been on antibiotics more this year that I've been off - so good luck with that). Worst case scenario - lymphoma.

I have an appointment on 3/7 with a specialist that deals with both infectious diseases and cancers of the lymphs/blood. No rush or anything. Assholes. I guess I can't bitch too hard - it was originally scheduled for 3/21 until I called and pitched a fit. Apparently she's the CHRIST of the specialist world in her field, so she'd better be good and find out what in hell is wrong with me.

I go through waves of emotion - from sadness, to sheer terror, to anger and rage. Tonight, I'm pissed. I hurt. I can't sleep in bed next to my wife. I hurt some more.

I'm documenting all of this shit on my youtube channel - the same one I'm using to document my weight loss....


Pardon my language tonight - I'm just at my breaking point. If I had hair, I'd be pulling that shit out by now. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. My wife feels helpless because she is watching me get weaker and weaker - and can't fix it. I just wish I could be back to normal. Fucking A.

Anywho - sorry for the rant. I just had to get it out.

[Santy]

I am so sorry about your illness and as you have written so clearly almost feel your pain. You brought tears to my eyes Joshua and my very best wises and prayers go out to you. Having said that I am sure you felt better for the rant and this is the place for it where friends can help as much as possible and listen and give you support, good luck,x

[buddyd11]

Wow man.. what a bunch of stuff to be going through. Ill keep you in my prayers dude.

[jwb63]

really sorry to hear that i will be praying for you. i will be getting sleeved in April i pray. seeing what you have done is a great inspiration to others i hope you are better soon. keep us posted

[Grace]

(((Josh)))
What a time you are having! You have been such an incredible inspiration to all of us and I just can't help but feel that having lost so much weight you are in the best place you can be to fight whatever this ends up being. I know you are a man of incredibly strong faith. Let that faith carry you through this challenge as I'm sure it has many times before. Please rant all you feel you need to, we are here for you as you have been here for so many of us.

[Tabby]

Wow! I will be praying for you too! I can only imagine how you're feeling. Don't worry about the language, I'm glad you got this off your chest. Keep us posted and hopefully March will get here quickly. I think they (the medical establishment) forget that we are human and we worry like crazy about this kind of stuff. They get immune to it in the medical field and become less empathetic after a while. But, that's why you have us! We'll keep you in our prayers and you keep the faith too. I agree with Grace, the weight loss up to this point can only be a helpful thing. God Bless you Josh!

[scgal21]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through so much pain. You are in my thoughts and prayers to help you through this tough time. You have many friends here who are pulling for you. (((((Hug))))

[Munchkin]

So sorry to hear you have to deal with this. Sending you good thoughts. Rant as much as you want to us. The least we can do is listen and give you support.

[Gwyn]

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this! I'm keeping my fingers crossed and please keep us updated on what's going on!

[Bobbie]

Josh, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope they can find out what is going on soon for you. I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know how things are going.

[dennek]

Oh, Joshua, I am so sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. I'll keep the only the best thoughts for the both of you. Rant on, my friend, whenever you need to. All the best.

[Sunflower]

Josh, don't know what to say. You must be terribly frustrated and afraid. I went from August 25th, when I was told I had a suspicious mammogram till September 14 before I got my cancer diagnosis,then I had to wait another 6 weeks before I had surgery. Infuriating! I'm sorry you're in pain and worried. Ipray it will allwork out.please keep us posted.

[Theresa]

How scary and frustrating.
keep us posted.

[michelleb]

Hugs Josh, lots of prayers and positive thoughts being sent your way. Keep us updated!

[Dee Leshuz]

Oh, how awful! You've been through so much already, it's really cruel that you have to deal w/ this.