I am frightened of deprssion...

[Sherine Halim]

Dear Jane,

Thank you for you posts. Definitely there is a difference of culture. Men here have to approve of major decisions. In addition, my husband is a neurosurgeon, he discouraged the operation 4 years ago since we didn't have except bypasses and bands. He thought they were pretty dangerous. As for sleeving, he sees it less invasive.

Here in Cairo, things are not very different from what you have in the States. Men still have a strong say when it comes to major decisions but that much Nagging can do miracles I guess

[Truffles]

I agree with Jane about postponing the surgery until you are more mentally prepared.

It took me about a year of self-evaluation before I got to a place in my head where I was prepared for the surgery. I did not go to therapy but worked through it myself. My DH did not even know I was contemplating the surgery during this time of self-examination. Once I got to a somewhat healthy place in my head and made the decision to go forward with the surgery, I spoke to him about it and explained the hows and whys of my decision. He really had no decision to make (or permission), other than to support me in my decision or not. My DH being who he is, of course supported me.

I, too, have suffered from depression, off and on, for many years. During the time of self-evaluation, I started another round of anti-depressants. I am still taking them, even at 6 months post-op. I feel very good but I do know that my system has been put through the wringer and until my weight stabilizes, I will continue to take them. Slow and steady wins the race.

There is no shame in changing your mind about this surgery. If you can book so quickly, why not postpone for a few months? Get your head in a better place. Read these forums and look for the patterns that emerge from people who are successful and those that aren't as much (although, personally, I think any weight loss, however small, is a success and not a failure). You will find in these forums all the information you will need to be successful and satisfied with your post-op weight loss, regardless of the number. But most of all, in my opinion, you need to take the time to wrap your head around the whole process, before and after, or you might be thrown into another round of depression.

Depression, body issues, self-esteem, cannot be fixed by this surgery. This surgery can only make your body healthier, not your mind.

I say all this with caring and concern, from one person battling depression to another. Treat yourself gently and with love, and don't feel pressure from those around you.

[pieganjane]

Good luck with the surgery.

[Sherine Halim]

Dear Brigitte,

Thank you for your thoughtful and honest advice. I do feel that I am rushed. Here in Egypt you can schedule surgery in a week if it is private which is the case here. So maybe I'll take this into consideration.

Maybe I need time. I also need to organize my medical leave.

Thank again

[tonilee2]

Sherine~my heart really goes out to you. I easily relate to what you wrote, that is your depression, emotional issues and over-eating. Similar to what you are feeling, my MAIN worry post-surgery (aside from expreriencing excrutiating pain while all alone in my hotel room in Mexico) is my emotional eating & bingeing.

I am trying very hard to understand the origins of my disturbing relationship with food. Like so many others, my eating morphed into uncontrollable behavior over time. For me, my father was mentally ill and EXTREMELY abusive towards my older sister (my only sibling) and I throughout his entire life. My father finally got the help he needed approximately 7 years before he did at age 80. However, by that time the damage was done.

I was raised first generation Italian-American in the USA (my folks were from Italy), so I felt compelled to maintain a relationship with my father...it was expected of me AND I loved him. Also, I loved my mother. So even after I left home for college...left at age 20 to obtain my Bachelor's and Master's degrees after two years in community college, when I lived at home...I still felt ridiculed, angry and controlled by my father's unstable mental state, especially as it related to eating & food.

Food has been coveted in my life because of the restrictions placed on it by my father. Food represents happiness & warmth, loving times because during such times...birthdays, holidays, graduations, etc...my sister and I were FORBIDDEN to accept anything (and I mean anything at all) to eat when offered by a relative or family friend. As a child and teen, my family would visit relatives (we have a very large extended family); however, my sister and I were forbidden to accept any food or beverage. My father would beat us when we returned home if we accepted a cookie, a piece of cake, a drink of lemonade. We were told to tell people "No thank-you, I l aready ate and I am not hungry" when offered food during such gatherings. Additionally, it was hard for me to go to bed "hungry," because I did so every night until I was 20 years old and on my own. And guess what? When did my weight start to sky rocket??? You've got it...around age 22 yrs!

Over the years, food took on a couple of different meanings for me...mainly comfort and control. That is how I got to 225 lbs. I'm not blaming my father...the past is the past. Having said that, I know I need to manage these emotional issues NOW, as well as AFTER my surgery. Not doing so places me at GREAT risk for re-gaining all the lost weight.

I, too am on anti-depressant medications...Cymbalta & amitriptyline...for fibromyalgia and depression. I definitely will set up individual therapy for myself once I'm home from Mexico, so I can unravel the turmoil and conquer the demons. AND TRUST ME, I WILL CONQUER THEM BECAUSE I AM TIRED OF BEING FAT!!! My husband and I have been in marital therapy for a while but that is not the place to work on my eating demons. Arugments and disagreements, primarily those between my husband and I trigger an eating binge. When I feel alone & unloved, hopeless actually & perhaps ANGRY, too...anger that was supressed as a child...well, that is when I reach out for food. COMFORT & CONTROL!!

I'm sharing this with you because you are NOT alone in your feelings. You are brave to put your concerns out here and trust me, MANY people can relate. Some people cannot make the connection between their food intake and their emotions. It takes time and I find writing things out on this forum and receiving support helps a LOT!

Hang in there. You are not alone. Find a professional to talk to, if you can. And keep reading these posts. People on this forum are fantastic and VERY compassionate.

[LisaI]

Hi shirine. My husband is an Egyptian cardiologist, we live in the us though.

Don't be afraid of the limitations after surgery.... Most of the need and cravings fade. Just do your best on the preop diet and know that it's not going to ruin anything if you slip. A lot of doctors have no preop diet requirement at all.

But.... You should only do the surgery if it is what YOU want. Don't let anyone else push or "guide" you on this path. To be successful it can only come from you. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to. Our husband may even know each other. Just send me a message

[marilynlw]

I pickup on the line I Was Never Good Enough. I know how hearing or feeling that can cause depression. I know because I have lived it most of my life. I have all ways tried to be the best at everything I do and mostly succeeded, but not all ways because I am not good enough. But in my years (now 64) I have learned that you do not have to be the best at everything. God made us as individuals and our best is good enough for him and us. I have finally been able to put the depression behind me and live in a happy place knowing I AM GOOD ENOUGH. Yes I still strive to be my best but know that my best even if not perfect is OK. I hope you are able to learn this valuable lesson faster than I did. Your best is good enough and if you can not follow the pre op diet perfectly just do your best and it will be good enough. My doctor did not require a pre op diet only nothing by mouth after midnight the night before. My surgery went perfectly. I am not losing as fast as some of the others, but I am doing my best and that is GOOD ENOUGH!
Best wishes that you have perfect surgery and an easy speedy recovery.

[Truebody]

Dear Wendy,

Thank you a lot. Your response comforted me a lot. I researched the effect of sleeving on depression and found very little. I find posts like yours very informative in addtion to been caring.

I am on depression medication and has been for 19 years. I know how much they help. I haven't consulted a psychiatrist about the operation. I stopped going to psychiatrists a long time ago. Here in Egypt, psychiatrists mainly prescribe medication. Very few offer sessions. My aunts' sister is one. I phone her to regulate doses and medication types. I've been OK except for spring and fall bouts which are usually short and moderate.

I guess that losing the weight will help me a lot both physically and psychologically.

Thanks again for your encouragement and hugs

Sherine, there may be some benefit in sourcing a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. The former don't prescribe anything because while you may be depressed you don't mention being mentally ill. Depression can sometimes be alleviated by amending behaviours as opposed to medication.

There is a book that is recommended, written by a psychologist, for people undergoing bariatric surgery Cynthia Alexander, The Emotional First Aid Kit: A Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery. I got mine for my Kindle and it is a terrific resource. It may be something that you'd like to review to have on hand for support.

All the very best. Do yourself a favour and resist cheating on your pre-op diet, it makes a difference the quality of the liver at the time of surgery. The diet is designed to make it smaller and more pliable as you will have used up the stores of glycogen. It allows the surgeon to get it out of the way to access the stomach that sits behind it, with less trauma to the organ, and ultimately, you.

Please keep posting here and as you say, we women benefit from talking about our problems as it allows us to hear ourselves think. This community is always happy to provide their thoughts and support (in all its forms).

[Sherine Halim]

Thank you Toni, Lisa, Marilyn and Jen. Your posts were very honest and from your hearts. I know that you have shared very private feelings and thoughts. Thank you. You've been a great help. I think that writing and getting out what's in your system really helps. Congratulations on your lost weight and good luck with the ones that still awaits surgery like me.