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Phoenixrise

Love and Weightloss

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Phoenixrise
, 12-09-2012 at 08:12 PM (2319 Views)
So everyone today like really hit me, about love and weight loss. I think when i started this journey I knew that there were men out there that I could talk to but I felt my confidence was not high enough to really get out there. Don't get me wrong unlike many I know I am not ugly, and I know I have a great personality. I have had so many people tell me how great my personality is. If you take the time to get to know me chances are you would adore me. Most bigger people have great personalities, and many of our issues with ourselves we try to keep to ourselves and smile to the world. Only in a place like this can we really relate to others and express what is in our heart what we feel we are missing, what we hope to gain. This is a place we can be honest with ourselves because no matter what I say I know there are more than one person who agrees with me out there. Someone who knows exactly what it is to be where I am.

I know many of you are so blessed and yes SO BLESSED to have been able to start this journey and have a loving supporting spouse to be by your side and support you. Many of you may have started without a spouses support but they come around eventually. Many of you have what many of us are hoping to have that significant other, that lover, that husband, that wife. For me I can say you all are truly blessed to have that in your life.

For a large chunk of my life weight didn't bother me these last 3 years I can say maybe 4 it really brought me down. I started this journey alone, unhappy, and I am SO HOPING TO END THIS JOURNEY the opposite of how I began it. So now that I am 62 lbs. down I started to think to myself you have the weight working for you what else is missing? I thought to myself love. How many of you really did this for yourself, to be happy but at the end of the happiness is love. Who does not want to be loved? Who does not want someone that can appreciate them, as much as you can now appreciate yourself, and more? Did not most of us start this journey thinking of what we wanted and thought we could be happier getting it if we lost our weight? Well I did, and on top of that list came, finding not just a man, but a damn good one, who deserved me as much as I deserved him. I wanted a family, everything that followed.

Now, that I AM ALMOST at my goal I am JUST OVER half way to my goal, I a little less than half my weight on me. I now I am wondering where do you start? I had a great idea but how do I achieve it? I know myself and several others, have isolated ourselves for so long, now that the weight is coming off where do we find someone to appreciate it? Especially, when your about 30+ most of your friends have kids or other obligations you just do not know where to find someone at. Many of my friends have kids and go out for fun but I am at a point that I am not trying to go out and fun I want to start to seriously find someone to settle down with have a family and find that happiness I had when I first got sleeved. I don't like to be the one in the crowd if I go out everyone is like "SHE LOOKING SHE SINGLE" I am somewhat shy with the opposite sex when it comes to stuff like that. I can chop it up with a guy but when it is about romance I FLOP. Right now I am just wondering where DOES THE START OF LOVE after weight loss begin? My friend said your not going to find someone in the house all day. I said well this is all I really know. Now I need to know something different. I am making an effort because I don't want to lose my weight and be in the house. I NEED TO START MY SEARCH NOW!!

Unsure if you get it, but it makes sense to me. I will keep you all posted. If your feeling like me maybe we can figure it out together. I am thinking maybe I need a group for San Diego, find some other losers like myself we can go out together find what were looking for together. I don't know but I do know I need to figure it out soon.

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Comments

  1. jlbamagirl68's Avatar
    Wishing you the very best!!!!!! Hope you find a wonderful person to share your life with and make your dreams come true!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!
  2. ready.to.be.me's Avatar
    I completely understand!! As I was reading this I couldn't help, but think wow, I'm the same way. I have numerous guys friends, and new guys that I come into contact with are usually suprised how well I can keep up with Sport talk, cars, etc..... And then here comes the Golden question.... You are so sweet and awesome, why are you single? UMMMM Hello if thats the case why aren't you sweeping me off my feet. Sorry getting off subject, with the support yes it would be awesome to have a spouse to help me through this life changing experience, but I have my family and my close friends that are behind me 100% just like a spouse would. I've made a promise with myself that right now this is the time to take care of myself. Learn to love my new self like I do with my self right now.
  3. teresaloves2trvl's Avatar
    How 'bout the gym? That's a good place to meet the opposite sex! And as corny as it sounds, lots of couples meet through online dating sites nowadays. When I was on vacation last spring I found myself in the hot tub with 2 other couples who had BOTH met each other online. You have to get out of the house though. It's imperative that you get out and mingle with other people. Join a MeetUp group that matches your interests, go back to school part-time, do some volunteer work, but just GET OUT THERE.
  4. Erina's Avatar
    I completely understand what you are saying. Even though I am happily married, I have to say that I find that I really want to be loved too. I think that we were made to love and be loved, not just by a significant other, but by eachother. I think in many ways, what you described in being able to talk to guys as a friend is easy but then taking it to the next level is harder. I feel that way with many of my friends. I think because most of the people I have surrounded myself with think pretty much only about themselves and very rarely want to know how I am doing. It has always been easier to be the supportive friend, with eyes off of me, for years. I don't want any undue attention brought to me so many times I will shrug off anything I may be going through as not that big of a deal, even though it is. I have become practiced at the art of taking the eyes off of me and putting the focus back on the person I am talking too. Mostly because of the fear of opening up. The few times I let myself be exposed and open, the response I got in return was usually one that made me feel like I was too much of a handful. Now I don't know if that is how my friends really felt, but there has to be something disfunctional in the relationship when those same friends I have been open and exposed with don't care to ask or follow up with me on that particular subject. As long as it is about them it is all good. So all that to say that maybe there is a slight fear of opening up too soon or coming across too needy, and just not knowing when it is safe to open up. I think the minute you stop caring about it, and just go about your daily life (and try to add getting out a little more to that routine), it will be then, when you don't care, that you will meet someone. Even when you go out with friends, try to just be into being with them and living in the moment. I agree with what someone said previous, focus on you, continuing to build your character and being comfy in your skin and it will happen.
  5. Cjp17's Avatar
    You just said everyting that I been thinking.. This weight has had me down for a few years now. I told myself that I'm not going to date until I lose some weight because I'm NOT comfortble in my own skin.. I'm just waitng on Feb 28
  6. aboutime4me's Avatar
    Real relationships and true love are delicate things in this life. It took me 45 years to find the love of my life, my husband. I had at that time lost about 30 lbs when we had met and was hovering around 199-200 lbs at the time. We've been together now since Nov. of 2003. He has basically known me through being overweight and obesity and loved me through it all.
    We met on-line through the personal dating site on yahoo. From the day we met we've basically been together ever since. It's not easy, and I know it's not. I was never one for bars or health clubs or into other activities that put me in social situations with men. I worked as a teacher with kids, and in a church, surrounded by women most of the time. That was the "way" for me. You might want to consider it. Just be wise, cautious and use your head in the process as we all know, it really doesn't matter where or how you meet, but there has to be caution in the process to protect yourself.
    My weight and the way I thought of it and felt about my body kept me from putting myself out there but it boiled down to really loving myself and being able to risk. I got to a point where I didn't have to have a man and if it happened, I was good with it. I was also ready to be by myself too if that was going to be.
    Bottom line girl...you've got this great new body, new relationship with food, new everything and so many possibilities for the future. Go for it and what happens...happens. Your real inside happiness should never depend upon anything from the outside, but come from within.
  7. Eileen123's Avatar
    Yes I agree with the above comments. Believe in yourself and be happy with that. When the time is right, the men will come flowing in. Wrong ones, right ones, and all sort of ones. You will have to sort them out to see which one will have the best overall kindness and love to share with you. You do have to get out the house though. Even when you do go with friends out. Just make it a point to smile and feel good about yourself. Guys notice that stuff. A little laughter will go along way. The guys that you talk to just let them compliment you and say Thank you with a smile. Don't worry, their are alot of men out their, don't be in a rush, you'll be happy in the end.
  8. Bq791's Avatar
    Most honest post I've read about this subject in years. I've been happily married almost 15 years and if I was looking now I'd be in trouble. Im tough but becoming softer but my hubby says I just love hard but he always knows when the chips fall I'll be right there in the trenches
  9. Phoenixrise's Avatar
    So my mom suggested Meetup.com. Maybe that is a start. I am trying to be positive and not in a rush. I just hope to have happiness and all that other mushy good stuff. I am hoping that this journey ends soon.