bookwrmmom, my heart breaks for you. I do think he is confused... and hopefully his time away will help him to see things more clearly. In the meantime, i hope you and your daughter enjoy your time away! Have fun in the sun!

I am so sorry for you.....and hope you find some peace.

Thanks to you both. Peace I think is going to take some time because right now my heart hurts because I long for contact with him. The hardest thing is to just leave him be.....but I have to. I send him a message about necessities, like this morning I got a call about his glasses he ordered being ready for pickup. Originally he asked me to pick them up...the day b4 he dropped his bomb on me he obviously didn't know he was going to do that the next day. Now he says no, don't pick them up. Really I shouldn't want to, but things like that is what I do....I take care of my people. How is it something as simple as not picking up his glasses hurts.
Not talking to him each day is the hardest ever because it is a rare occasion in the past 16 years that we don't talk. I need to let him see what life is like without us....maybe he will not like it and maybe he will. Who knows.... I will survive, but I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

Lord help me to say things that are uplifting and not harmful. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. My main question is : Do you not think that the surgery changed him? I had a friend to tell me to be really carefull once you loose weight how your attitude will change. In other words. How your marriage will change.
How I do pray that all works out the way in which you desire. But on the other hand I do pray that denial isn't aready there. Even though your spouse says there is no one else. It sure sounds as if there is. An if that is the case. He just really needs to be honest with you. Things are so much easier to handle. As I stated when I started. Please God let my words of encouragement lift you, not harm you.
As a women , mother, and wife I do pray that you are able to continue to handle just the everyday tasks. I pray God will continue to Bless you to get up each day and be there for your daughter. Ease your mind of all that is troubling you. Mend your marriage as He sees fit . Many Blessings and strength to you. I shall leave you with one of my favorite scriptures...
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths. " Proverbs 3: 5-6
Many Blessings

I'm sorry your dealing with this, I pray for you and your family that things can work out. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful time. I miss my mother/daughter time with my daughter. She recently got married and moved away. They grow up fast so enjoy your time with her. Congratulations on your weightloss and new healthy self.

NLott214 there is a change in him since surgery but I believe it is not in the way of "damn I look good" but more of "I really didn't think my stomach would still look like this & I want a tummy tuck". He is still very self-conscious about his body (and the sad part is he doesn't look bad...it is his own insecurities).
As far as denial goes....well I am 99.8 percent sure that he is telling the truth because I have left no stone unturned in checking this out. However there is my own personal insecurities that rear up and whisper over my shoulder that there still may be another. Due to his being cheated on in his 1st marriage and his disgust about that and other people's infidelities during marriage I believe at this time that he is telling the truth. However that does not mean that in his current vulnerable mental state (mid-life crisis) that some chick couldn't shake her ass at him, but I don't think right now he would cross that line YET.
Thanks for your words of comfort and the scripture, they mean so much!

I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there, done that. My son was only 6 weeks old when my husband said almost the same thing. It hurts for a long time. I pray things turn out the way you want them to. My situation turned out the best way possible because I found a wonderful man who has loved me and all of our children for 30 years. I should send the ex a thank you note. Stay close to your Heavenly Father and he'll guide your footsteps on this unexpected path.

The best thing you can do is carry on. And I mean carry on with everything in life and find new things to do in life as well. I am speaking from experience and I can honestly say the busier you are the better it will be for your head and your heart. Be too busy to think especially about him. Do not have ANY contact with him. If he gets a call about his glasses call them and give them his number. First off your heart and head needs a break and constant reminders of him just pull you right back into the hurt. Secondly send him a clear and loud signal that your life will carry on. Is your life carrying on? Probably not because your hurting too much right now but fake it until you make it and smile through the tears. Think of yourself and your daughter first right now and keeping thinking of the two of you first. He obviously is so why shouldn't you? It doesn't matter what he is doing or not doing it matters what you do from here on out. Get counseling, take a class, go out with friends, try things you've never tried before, make sure your daughter is okay, and redecorate your bedroom. Take care of yourself!

Hugs and prayers! Good for you for taking a little trip. Keep taking good care of you!

Hugs and prayers sent your way. I hope things get better for you and your family. I have also been through a similar situation. As a matter of fact, he told me the exact same thing. We worked things out.....now our marriage is the best it has ever been. Prayers to you and yours. Have fun on your trip......

Hugs and prayers are going your way <3 Your situation with your husband sounds so much like my own. my husband didn't go through surgery, but all of a sudden he started losing weight, exercising like a nut and really paying lots of attention to his looks. He told me right after Christmas that he wanted a divorce, that he didn't know how he felt about me , if he loved me still, but he would always care for me! I think that he is slowly coming around again since he is starting to have conversations with me again, but no physical contact. We still live together and sleep in the same bed, but it feels really awkward. I think he is going through a midlife crisis and is confused at the moment. He is not seeing anyone as far as I know, because he does come home after work and there's no money moving out from his account. We still have a thirteen year old son at home as well.I hope that your husband will realize that he is making a mistake. I don't believe in divorce, it's the easy way out. I believe in working things out, that's what God would want us to do. Enjoy your special time with your daughter and try not to think about your husband and his every move, otherwise you'll make yourself crazy. My husband asked me to give him space, and that's what I'm doing and it seems to help, because he is no longer hostile towards me. Take care of yourself and your daughter

Your doing great, keep your head up friend!

1. Hugs 2. I have been there 3. It wasn't my husband, it was me. I just started to feel like he was taking me for granted. I felt like with kids, work, house duties, etc...I lost myself. I lost who and what I wanted. I began to get mad at him. I see it now as no reason really other than he felt that my feelings meant nothing. I did meet someone, and I did cheat. I was honest with my husband and I told him I just need time. Not time with anybody, just time to myself. I have never seen my husband so hurt, but I had to overlook it inorder to find what I needed. It took a few months, and a few counceling sessions for me to realize that my husband has seen me through every size and stage of my adulthood. His love was real and this other guy was only in it for one reason. I slowly allowed my husband back in and I have never been happier. Yes, we still have arguements, but I feel that we communicate much better now. I am also preg with #3. We have been married 9 years and together 11.

Give him that space but don't give up if it is what you want. My husbadn never gave up on me, and that is exactly what I needed. Check out "Fireproof your Marriage" It's a very good book and activity.

you are in my thoughts & prayers