Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm not far behind you (sleeved 09-26-12) but I find it difficult to express my thoughts and feelings of my experience in writing or in talking to friends or family. I tend to shut down. Other than this wonderful group, I feel like it's pretty much a lone journey. Most people would not understand the thoughts that go through our minds every single day. You express it well. I've enjoyed reading your blog. Best, Barbara

Thank you for sharing...Can't tell you how much I agree with you...I wish you all the best!

You are already winning half the battle just by recognizing all the things about yourself that you shared. It is so hard to put you finger on what causes us to turn to food for comfort. Why are we insecure enough to hide behind the fat? Before when I would go on a diet I could make a dozen different reasons up in my mind why I needed to go off of it, so that I could stay hidden, not even realizing that is what I was doing. Now it doesn't matter I can't eat hardly anything so I have to face the reasons why I would try to go off of those diets. The reason why I felt I need to hide my true self, why do I need to hide, yet desire to be noticed so badly. Am I afraid that if I am noticed people won't like the real me? Am I afraid of being hurt yet again by insensitive people? Or am I afraid they will treat me the same, just as long as I am fat I can rationalize that as the reason they treat me poorly? When do I decide that I am better than that, and that I deserve people in my life that will care for and about me no matter what? What attracts me to people that continually treat me as lower than themselves? Why do I subconciously think I deserve that?

I completely understand the reasoning behind only keeping track once in awhile of what you eat. It can become so time consuming and a bit obsessive at times, can't it? I mean I was thinking the other day, I had this surgery so I could live, what I think, is a more normal, natural life. Not so that I can be on a diet everyday for the rest of my life I mean it starts to feel a little bit like a new obsession if I am logging everything I eat and making sure that I eat everything healthy, yadda , yadda, yadda. I am at 2 mos out and have been just thinking, can't I just make healthy choices and just eat less. I mean I can't eat hardly anything what does it matter what I eat? I need calories to start counting so that I can continue losing and not stall again. I am not saying I am going gung ho all out junk, but really, I don't want to diet for the rest of my life. I know that this surgery is a tool to help me be able to succeed long term at something I have been battling with for the past 13 years. I guess what you wrote has just helped me to see some things that I have been contemplating in my own mind. Thank you for sharing your struggles it helps me to process some of my own.

Thanks for the post! It says everything. Take care, and keep up the good work.

I know who said this was the easy way out they know nothing. I'm 2.5 months out and their good and bad days but happy that I'm healthier!

Hear hear!! Well said, I am in this process too, thanks for putting words to it

Originally Posted by Lovelycarnage

I have been reading this forum pretty faithfully since january and began my 6work months of hoop jumping in febuary. I am currently just waiting on insurance approval and your post here simply reaffirmed the necessity of wls for me. There are several ofi have followed along in your journeys and Bbarb I wish you lived in my neighborhood!!! Continued success to you all!

I was wondering how the journey is going? Hope to hear from you

I have been reading this forum pretty faithfully since january and began my 6work months of hoop jumping in febuary. I am currently just waiting on insurance approval and your post here simply reaffirmed the necessity of wls for me. There are several ofi have followed along in your journeys and Bbarb I wish you lived in my neighborhood!!! Continued success to you all!

thank you Sassy Kathy and Gale.
Thank you all, I appreciate you reading this post and it is an amazing feeling knowing that we are not alone anymore. We can be understood and this feeling is pure joy and light

Your soul is beautiful. You write what we feel. Others can not understand, I gave up on myself too but in deciding this journey-our journey, my journey, I choose me. I have twin granddaughters now and they are my heart and make me want to be more, do more and have more. I feel we are all strong-this is not easy but we can do this. Take care of yourself.

You read my life with your words. I, too, gave up on myself. I knew that I was a few years from dying but, somehow, there was no answer within me. I had not succeeded in taking care of myself. I couldn't succeed - I comforted myself with food. So I poured everything into my work and my daughter, became a recluse and started taking antidepressants.
Now, after getting sleeved on June 13th, I am beginning to look at life a little differently. Now I think I will be around for grandchildren and retirement. I am just beginning to peek out from my cave and see the sun again. And it feels good!
Thank you so much for sharing so eloquently what so many of us have dealt with and the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs

WOW !! i could have wrote this post !! BEAUTIFUL , THANKS for this!! puts lots in prospective !! i have never seen my life in that way !! but u hit it nail now !!

MsThang and hnybun128
Thanks you for your comments. It is a struggle that we lived and live for so long that it will always be part of us. we all share it and we are brave for being here considering of already have WLS to escape from this.

OOOWEEBABY!
Thank you so much for your compliments. Man, I got an accent even in my writing!!
I felt your hug! thanks you

Rainbow, thanks you for your words. We are alone in this despite the supports of friends and beloved ones, but no one can realy be part of this and understand it as we are, after living this feeling for so long.

thanks you all for understanding me and for spreading such warm words. Hugs BB

Thank you, you are Beautiful inside and out. I understand the shame you have lived with in silence, thank you so much for sharing it with us all, it helps us all a little more to know that we are not alone with these feelings. Love Rainbow

BB,

What a beautiful post. I cried as I read it, identifying with your words and your struggle. I love your writing style, you have so much heart. A very beautiful heart, at that! I "hear" your delightful accent in your writing. It adds to your charm, so don't feel bad about how you write. Your intelligence shines through like the sun. Lovely, lovely lady, I am so proud that you have the courage and the caring to share your thoughts and expereince with all of us. If I was with you right now, I would give you a hug!

Thank you for sharing. I completely feel the same.

What courage! I am still trying to build mine-

Ciao Lucia. I know I can only eat italian even now after 10 years

Thank you for sharing, very brave. I can relate to most of what you said. We have the Italian connection. Best food in the world and incorporate it into all my meals. Best wishes in your journey. Ciao Lucia

Oh yeah me too, and I agree. I have failed so many times at this, but I refuse this time. I didn't go through having 90% of my stomach removed to fail!! Doesn't mean I don't think about it though!

Still tho the fear of failing will be with me till I die !!!
But I am fighting it and I believe it is all mental!!

Amen! Yes we can, and you are right- only another person who has walked in your shoes most of their life can understand the feelings and struggle. For me it has been a life long battle & the sleeve is the tool to help me finally beat this beast into submission!!

thanks Chrissy. Well only this community can understand this. I was replying to a post of Mel and she was struggling with being happy about her life and I think she felt alone on this. But we all can understand.

I agree with Mila, you have captured what so many of us feel! The feeling of no matter how successful you are at other things, you still feel like a complete failure because you cannot control your weight and what you eat. It becomes so all-consuming!

Thanks Mila, and hope you will forgive my poor English. This is something I do not want to forget. that is why I blogged it. I do not want to forget I gave up on myself as a reminder for future challenges

This is one of the best posts that I have read since I have been on this site. You have expressed so beautifully what many many of us have felt. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

You look so good!! Thank you for your encouragement. I guess I need to come to term that food is not going to be any pleasure. not even those 2 oz
Thanks

Your experience sounds much like mine, however; being almost one year out; I still find it hard to eat sometimes. I feel it's more trouble than it's worth. Don't get me wrong, this might be a blessing in disguise. I do eat planned meals and snacks, and sometimes things are delicious and other times, I just eat because I have to. I will say one thing with certainity; it's the best thing I've ever done for myself and never regret it for one minute. I wish you continued success and it gets so much easier and better as time goes on.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us! Best of luck to you!

Sorry pushed the button too fast.
I was saying that the support around me is so amazing that I have strong faith I will be able to not crush under the depression of being stalled.

BB