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Thread: Naysayers

  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Naysayers

    I was just wondering, has anyone had someone try to talk you out of surgery. What did they say? How did you react?

    I just had somebody very important to me who I thought supported me tell me how they really feel and it left me very frustrated.



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    Default Re: Naysayers

    Hi Julie, I have the same experience. My first Dr. appointment is Sept. 30th, so I have barely just begun my journey. I am very excited and cant wait to have surgery. I feel this is the ONLY answer for me. Every person that I have mentioned this to has tried to talk me out of it. If another person says, "Why dont you try talking to a dietician"? to me, I think I may scream (lol) really just kidding, but really it is very annoying. All I can say to you is that this is our body and this is our life and we are the only ones that truly know ourselves and what we need. I wish you the best and I'm sure that you will do what is best for your health and happiness.

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  6. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member Dutchie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    I hope you are not talking about your hubby, I remember you saying he was supportive?
    So, the rest are outsiders and have nothing to say about your decision.
    You are doing this for yourself and it is nobodies business.

    Ignore those people, you don't need that kind of negativity in your live.
    If they are relatives, keep them at a distance and don't tell anything.
    When they are not supportive, it is only annoying.
    Your body, your health.
    That is what matters.
    English is not my first language anymore, so I may and do make mistakes in my spelling, or say things oddly. Please ask me, if you want any clarifications.



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  8. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member goestogym's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    Most people aren't qualified to make or have an influence in your deeply thought out and personal decision.



  9. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member Mmeghan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    The only reason anyone tried to talk me out of surgery was because I was having it done in Mexico. Like I didn’t do my research and was having it done on the side off the road behind a taco cart. Do you. You’re doing this for you. Screw anyone who doesn’t support you or is jealous. They don’t know what you have done and how hard you have tried in the past and honestly it’s not their business. Best of luck to you.



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  12. #6
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    It was my husband. I wanted to tell him more about the surgery and what it is they do to your stomach. I showed him a video on YouTube too. Here are some of the things he said:

    "This operation is for people much more overweight than you are. You don't need to do this " My nurse practioner thinks this could help me a lot. I meet the criteria, and I just met with a bariatric surgeon who thinks I am a good candidate.

    "It's not worth it just to look nice" This made me mad. I'm not doing this to look good. I'm doing this for my health and to feel better. Looking better is just a bonus.

    " It's risky" Risky is staying the way I am now. I have a strong family history of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. I have osteoarthritis and chronic pain that can be helped if I lose weight.

    "You can lose weight by dieting and exercise " I couldn't lose enough and most of the weight came back. I've been trying for years

    "You know this is irreversable,right? I don't want to hear you crying later because you can't eat the food everybody else is having. I don't want any drama later"

    Basically anything you could think of that is inappropriate to say to someone in my situation, was said to me. Being talked to like I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into and having it manspained to me by someone who never heard of a sleeve gastrectomy until 5 minutes before. This is not how I was hoping it would go.



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  14. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieG's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    Not to make light of your kerfuffle here, since it's important, but oh I hate "mansplainations", as do my 4 adult daughters.

    In his defense, not everyone is equipped for viewing what happens; I had multiple chronic health issues (besides 80+ lbs) with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, uncontrollable angina following a failed 3CABG and 7 stents, as well as cancer treatment and static brain tumor. 17 pills a day, and getting ready for stairlift.

    At 65, we made the decision to try this. BEST choice ever. All my issues resolved, and down to 4 meds a day. Lots of energy. My minimal hair loss was the worst side effect, but it came back.

    NO, I cannot eat as much as everyone else, but frankly, I am appalled sometimes at the size of what people eat at one time! I know I used to but that doesn't mean that's normal for us as human beings.

    I had a minor complication with surgery, resulting in a 2nd surgery the same day with 2 units of blood. But still went home later the next day, and other than gas pain, no issues.

    My weight loss has been my gift to me -- and to my family. Yes, I look way better, but I am no longer on the side lines of life. I FEEL amazing. I wish I had done it sooner.

    Find some patience, and if he doesn't get on board, he will get over it as he sees the changes impact him in no negative ways. Some men fear change and women seem to have often lost weight and moved on.....who knows what he's really feeling?

    You'll do great -- we're all here to support you and I really thing he'll come around. Maybe just let him sit with the idea for a while.
    [I]HW: 240 lbs CW: 205 lbs: SW: 199 lbs GW: 130 lbs

    1 MO = 167.0 2 MO = 156.4
    3 MO = 148.4 4 MO = 140.6
    5 MO = 136.0 6 MO = 130.0 (GOAL)
    1 YR = 122.0 2 YR = 136.00

  15. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member sraebaer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    Sorry your husband feels that way, as he should be your number one support person. I know I couldn't have lost my weight and kept it off without my hubby by my side all along the way, from giving me my shots that first week home from the hospital, to cooking for me all these years, to taking me on active vacations now that we have both retired. He has lost about 40 pounds without surgery, just thanks to our new lifestyle.

    Could you sit down and talk to your husband and explain exactly how you feel? Could he come to some doctor visits with you and bring up his concerns?

    By the way, I'm almost 6 years out an eat like a regular person, just less. No drama at all. I have never been deprived of anything. We eat out all the time.

    Good luck. I really think you need to get him on board or your journey won't be easy. I like easy.



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  17. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    He claims he supports me now. I'm not so sure. Now the argument is with my oldest son. Left me in tears. I'm so glad I only told my immediate family in my household. I don't want to have to defend my decision to anyone else. I'm tired of it. I have come to the realization that support is great if you can get it, but I shouldn't rely on it. At least when it comes to friends and family. I've decided to not discuss it with them or anyone outside of my support groups and my doctors.



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  19. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    After reading all these posts on sharing our surgery with others, I've decided only to tell a very select few. My husband will know of course but I may not even tell my sisters. I only see them 3-4 times a year, so it is doable. I finally had my apointment with the Nurse Practitioner and my husband came in the room with me. I wanted him to know every thing he can and also ask questions. If my EDG and UGI come out normal I still may have to see a nutrionist for 3-4 months before surgery, It all depends on what my insurance needs. That was very dissapointing. My husband was glad because he still thinks I can do this on my own without the tool of surgery. I am keeping a food diary now and I am putting my best self forward. All I know is that I decided not to spend the rest of my life in a unhealthy, uncomfortable body for many reasons on many levels. I will do whatever it takes.

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  21. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member sraebaer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    Quote Originally Posted by Bonnie Droege View Post
    After reading all these posts on sharing our surgery with others, I've decided only to tell a very select few. My husband will know of course but I may not even tell my sisters. I only see them 3-4 times a year, so it is doable. I finally had my apointment with the Nurse Practitioner and my husband came in the room with me. I wanted him to know every thing he can and also ask questions. If my EDG and UGI come out normal I still may have to see a nutrionist for 3-4 months before surgery, It all depends on what my insurance needs. That was very dissapointing. My husband was glad because he still thinks I can do this on my own without the tool of surgery. I am keeping a food diary now and I am putting my best self forward. All I know is that I decided not to spend the rest of my life in a unhealthy, uncomfortable body for many reasons on many levels. I will do whatever it takes.
    Good idea about telling as few people as possible. Don't worry about the wait, it will be SO worth it! If you are able maybe start a little bit of walking now, get yourself ready for more movement. (Unless you're already a walker of course!) It made my surgery easier being active before hand.



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  23. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    I have to see a nutritionist for four months as well and also four classes with a counselor for food addiction. I was disappointed at first but now I look at it as setting myself up to succeed. That knowledge will be another tool for me and I will be more prepared.



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  25. #13
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    I have had a one year wait. from first apt with PCP to waiting on approval from insurance. I have finally got a date for November 4th. I told most people in my life about it but I had little push back. I think the worst was when I told my dad and he said "if that's what you think you need to do." it was kind of a approval and disapproval all in one. But I didn't let it bother me because like you I just want to be in a healthy body .



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  27. #14
    Gastric Sleeve Member sraebaer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    The only good thing about self-pay is you get the surgery done right away. But I would wait a year not to have to pay $14,000 out of pocket!! (And that was 6 years ago, I'm sure it's much more now). Be thankful if you have insurance coverage. I have great insurance, but it has a specific "no bariatric surgery" clause. Sort of odd, as the medical problems caused by obesity would cost more over my lifetime than the surgery.



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  29. #15
    Gastric Sleeve Member jerzeygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Naysayers

    I think it's a personal choice about sharing the journey or not sharing it, however; for me I shouted it from the rooftops and even told sales clerks that I was buying the protein shakes because I was going to have weight surgery loss. Personally, sharing it made me stronger about my decision, kept me accountable because others knew it and I really wanted to "pay it forward". I am so fortunate to work now at a large bariatric surgery department and we recently did a Fall Fashion Event at a very large mall here in NJ and lots of people were in the audience. We had 3 patients who participated out of 19, who had never shared it with anyone pre-surgery but afterwards strutted their success on a runway! No matter if you share or not, this is a personal journey and I wish you much success!!



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