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  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    This is how some people think about us "previously fat" people. Now before everyone gets all bent out of shape, I originally did not say this and certainly do not believe it. A "friend" on Facebook said this and had all of her reasons for saying it, that we didn't love them enough, care enough about ourselves and "let" ourselves become fat because we were too lazy to do anything about it, etc. I am saying the "F" word (fat) because that's what we are (or were), FAT. No need to sugar-coat it. This idiot does not know anything and I don't know why she posted it. Where does she get the right to say this? It wasn't aimed at any one person in particular, she was generally talking to every fat person. She probably really hates fat people and maybe she's disgusted by them. She is maybe a size 2 and probably has never been overweight in her life. I did not reply to her because I know her well but it really upset and offended me. Why do people say things they don't know about? I suppose every fat person has had this happen to them. More than likely she has never cried when she stepped on the scale, desperately hated being fat, having people say hurtful things to you about your weight, having many health problems, laughing at you, trying every diet under the sun-maybe to lose some weight but gain it all back plus some for many, many years; I could go on and on. I see this person quite often and it really burns me up thinking how she feels. It's sad that some people really think this. We are people, we have feelings and rights, just like her. Sorry for the rant, I just had to tell you all what this person said and how it made me feel. I feel better. Thank you! Another thing, I have lost 50 pounds (of which I'm very proud and happy about), but only one person at my church said anything about it. Surely 50 pounds makes a huge difference. I have 20 more to lose, so it's not like I have 100+ to go. I guess that maybe we don't look as fat to some people as we think we do. I've sort of found that out.


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  4. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member Dutchie's Avatar
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    Simonne
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Congrats on your 50 pounds, whoop, whoop!

    People sometimes are really, really stupid... sigh...
    Not much we can do about it, I've never found out why they say what they say.
    Just ignore them, don't let them in your life (anymore), surround yourself with loving, supportive friends.
    We don't need that negativity in our lives...

    And if ranting is what you need, we are here to read, listen, understand and support.
    Hope you feel better!
    English is not my first language, so I may and do make mistakes in my spelling, or say things oddly. Please ask me, if you want any clarifications.



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  6. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Thank You, Dutchie! I really appreciate you and everyone else here. I love this site. I look in on a couple of more sites occasionally, but I love this one the best!


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  8. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member JannyAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Maybe it's time to "unfriend" this person. Just my two cents. We need positive people in our lives, not judgmental "friends" like this.



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  10. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member Sandra3's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    There is many different kind of obesity, but for most obesity is an hormonal disease. It's really sad that many people and (even doctors!!!) still think today that obesity is just a question of willpower. Many studies do show it's impossible to lose weight and maintain when you are obese, which is why bariatric surgery is the only real solution so far.

    So there is two options here : like Janny said unfriend your "friend" (because what the heck she does seems stupid and mean) or just publicly shame her and reply to her post.
    No need to be personal in here and show that it was hurtful for you (never show your weakness to those people!) but showing indignation, nowadays, when "we" try to protect the sick and handicapped, can clearly be the answer to her comment.

    She is no showing kindness but contempt. What for? did she get any result from her stupid comment??
    Plus anyway if you follow her lead she would probably find excuses for a cheater husband if his wife gain weight right? what about if she is disfigured in a car accident?? he can cheat too?? or turn her back to her?

    People are so superficial it is just pathetic...


    HW : 150 kgs
    09/02/2014 : 142 /1st apt
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    01/30/2016 : 130 /1st post-op
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  13. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member WANAGL's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Rant away...we’re here to share our experiences and support each other ;-)

    People with this kind of self-righteous, narrow-minded thinking is why I didn’t and don’t tell about VSG...unless they have a genuine desire to change their life.

    I DO NOT allow people like her in my life...period. I don’t live life in a negative frame of mind and I won’t allow ANYONE to drag me into that snake pit of venomous words, thoughts or deeds. They are emotional predators who wish only for you to be as miserable as they are.

    I am commanded to love them, not to like them or have them in my life. I have a “rule”...If you f*ck with my emotional well-being, you have to go!

    I have a couple of standard replies to people like her...”Perhaps” is my favorite...it leaves them baffled.

    Offended? NO WAY!!! I don’t let people like her rent free space in my head... I don’t give away my power!




  14. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Yes!


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  16. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member KiwiGal's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    It's often difficult for some people to understand others struggles.
    We all know what it is like as we have all been there that is why I value this forum so much.
    Like minded people who understand each other and and offer support and advice.



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  18. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Can't really add much more than what all the other lovely posters have said above except "LOVE YOURSELF" no matter what. I don't let anybody influence my soul anymore. I am my best proponent and I will always fight for what's best for me regardless of what others think. I don't even 'hear' their negativity.

    When you are your best self, you will also be the best for everyone around you who loves and appreciates you.



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  20. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Christie
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    OMG that has to be the dumbest person ever. How can she really think people just let themselves get fat bc we don't care about our spouses? Ugh. I mean, no one likes being fat. We have beat ourselves up enough about it and definitely don't need someone else making us feel worse. I get why you were so angry especially since you know this person. Also, the funny thing about weight loss is that sometimes people aren't sure if they should say something. Hang in there. I am sure you look fabulous after losing 50 lbs.



  21. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member kenson's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Quote Originally Posted by WANAGL View Post
    Rant away...we’re here to share our experiences and support each other ;-)

    People with this kind of self-righteous, narrow-minded thinking is why I didn’t and don’t tell about VSG...unless they have a genuine desire to change their life.

    I DO NOT allow people like her in my life...period. I don’t live life in a negative frame of mind and I won’t allow ANYONE to drag me into that snake pit of venomous words, thoughts or deeds. They are emotional predators who wish only for you to be as miserable as they are.

    I am commanded to love them, not to like them or have them in my life. I have a “rule”...If you f*ck with my emotional well-being, you have to go!

    I have a couple of standard replies to people like her...”Perhaps” is my favorite...it leaves them baffled.

    Offended? NO WAY!!! I don’t let people like her rent free space in my head... I don’t give away my power!
    My sentiments exactly!
    I am very resolute to keep all negativity out of my life. Friends should uplift. I had a therapist tell me once that there is no statue of limitation on a friendship. You can end it at any time! Congratulations on your weight loss. Fifty pounds is fantastic!



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  23. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    LOL! What a jackass.

    Jeez ... I'm not sure I even know anybody who's that stupid.



    Consult: 235 lbs
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  25. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieG's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
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    Annie
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    Default Re: If a woman really loves her husband, she won't allow herself become fat...

    Quote Originally Posted by kenson View Post
    My sentiments exactly!
    I am very resolute to keep all negativity out of my life. Friends should uplift. I had a therapist tell me once that there is no statue of limitation on a friendship. You can end it at any time! Congratulations on your weight loss. Fifty pounds is fantastic!
    Totally agree! You cannot stop stupid, but you don't have to hear it. And as someone who prefers to be kind to others, I am quite horrified anyone would say anything that could devastate someone like this.

    Two of my girls struggle with relationship to weight (no they are not particularly big nor small and are both quite pretty and healthy). But they are very curvy girls and both very active with kick boxing, running, knife fighting, etc. People can be very unkind about other people and like intelligence, size and shape is sometimes an accident of birth (genetics), environmental (or habits) or even illness (hormonal imbalances). REGARDLESS of the why, everyone should be treated with respect.

    And what in the heck does size have to do with loving my husband???? He was quite puzzled.

    My response to that sort of comment is usually "why ever would you feel so strongly about something that isn't about you?" I say to this person how you felt about her words, and if she isn't concerned at her scorched earth comments, unfriend her. But I'm old and maybe cranky this morning
    [I]HW: 240 lbs CW: 205 lbs: SW: 199 lbs GW: 130 lbs

    1 MO = 167.0 2 MO = 156.4
    3 MO = 148.4 4 MO = 140.6
    5 MO = 136.0 6 MO = 130.0 (GOAL)
    1 YR = 122.0 20 MO = 130.0

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