Hi there,
I used to frequent a forum a long time ago. I am desperate to get back some me time and I need a little reminder it’s all possible!
I was sleeved in early 2009. At the time I weighed 150 kg. In 11 months I lost 98kgs and like was perfect! I was fit, in size 8, and happy.
I met the man of my dreams soon after, and in 2011 we got married and decided to start a family. I was pleased I was going to be fit mumma. Someone my child could be proud of.
We fell pregnant immediately, with quadruplets! And 11 rapidly growing fibroids. I was hospitalised by 8 weeks and there I stayed, on my left side, until I reached 37 weeks.
I hadn’t gained much weight because it was an awful, painful, endlessly vomit worthy experience. I was still grateful. I ended up with 1 little girl at the end, having lost the rest.
I knew as soon as I got out of the hospital I was going to get back to it. Back to gym and everything.
I’m not making excuses now - I just need to get all this off my chest, put it somewhere so I can check in as just me, ready to restart.
When my little girl arrived we were thrilled. She was a tiny 2kgs and I still had 7 kgs worth of fibroid tumours inside my belly. I’d have them removed just as soon as I could.
Very quickly my baby got sick. We had no idea why. Everything I ate upset her tummy so I changed my diet and she was so high need all the time all efforts to go back to gym - and there were many I assure you, ended up with me being unable to leave her at some point for weeks on end. This carried in for two years. I could barely think of anything but getting by baby some help. Everything ‘me’ stopped and all my energy went into this precious little girl who was in so much pain she couldn’t sleep.
She was diagnosed with cancer at 2 years. I cannot even begin to tell you what the next number of years was like for us - me. I lost ‘me’ in it all, gained weigh at a rapid rate - and not because I was eating - in fact - the opposite. I was drinking. I was shattered, so so tired - I hadn’t slept in years. Coke became my vice. I didn’t care either - I didn’t even think - I just did it to survive. I still had my 7 kg tumour in my belly, a sick sick baby who my very existence depended on her surviving - and I was now fast returning to my old weight.
I’m pleased to say that she is in a stable state now and I do not fear it’s return anymore. Unfortunately she has developed an auto immune side effect which is extremely difficult to live with but we carry on and live our best life. I won’t be able to gym daily like I used to, it’s just not a possibility.
So now I’m here. I went out last night - I had a meal - I can still only eat roughly a cup and apart from severe reflux (80mgs of salpraz a day), and a dairy intolerance (which is good to be honest), I have no side effects. I am however, back to 125 kegs. It is like torture.
I need to fix this but I’ve lost all faith in my body and my sleeve and my own ability.
I had my surgery to remove my tumour in Feb this year, finally. Remaining pregnant with triplet size uterus for 7 years was beyond humiliating and impossible on many level but I could not leave her or spend 6 weeks unable to lift her. I had to wait. It’s a giant relief and my body is slowly healing.
So my question is this - my sleeve works - my head does not. I do not know where to start.
I just need some ideas on where to start with a sleeve.
I want a simple breakfast (dairy free) option, a simple lunch and an afternoon snack idea. I can do salad and fish at night and I can wing it on the weekend, but what calorie intake if I’m starting like it’s day 1, 10 year’s later.
I know I can do it, I just forgot how to put me 1st, 2nd, 3rd or anywhere.... I want me back because the weight gain is torture in every level.
My husband is still here but we met running so you can imagine I am a stranger to look at though he has never said anything but I think has given up on me getting back my health.
Where do I start - I don’t even know anymore....
Sorry if this sounds negative or excuse filled or like I’m a big whinger. It’s just what it is and now my baby girl is well - I want to enjoy my beautiful family...
Hellllppp
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