Floundering!

[sraebaer]

What's up? After 5 years, for the first time, I don't have my head in the game. I think it started with weeks of Christmas entertaining, then a painful injury to my rotator cuff Christmas shopping (stepped out of the car on glare ice, and tried to hold on with my arm), and now a week of babysitting out of state with 3 little kids that only eat junk. Excuses, I know. I am 3 pounds over goal, where I spent the summer 5 pounds under goal. My jeans are TIGHT. I will not buy new jeans.

It's scary to realize how fast old habits can come back. While I still have restriction, it is nothing like it was during those early days. Early on watching food intake was basically done by my sleeve, a total non-brainer. Now it's done by what I put in my mouth. I started fresh yesterday by writing down everything I ate. I changed my ticker to my real weight, it's been a lie for a while. I have the fridge stocked with fish, chicken, fruits and veggies. Today I will hike in the snow, even though it's about 20 out. I have plenty really warm stuff, and I do love snow and hiking. We are going skiing next week, so if I eat right I'll do well. I actually do pretty well in the mountains because I have to drink so much water to combat altitude sickness.

My goal is 130 by Kilimanjaro in August and super fit. That's 13 pounds. Totally reasonable. I'm doing physical therapy on my arm at home, and hope to get to the gym to get back to weight training in a few weeks.

I know many of you see therapists. Is that something ever covered by insurance? I would like to talk to someone to find out why my thinking is messed up.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

[Truss]

sraebaer
First I’d like to say I admire you being so candid. I haven’t been on this forum long but you are so positive. I look for your post because I have found you are on a journey I so want to start. “FIVE YEARS” !!!!... FIVE YEARS just think of all the things and hardships you have made it through. Look at the short timespan you just came through. The holidays (an injury) and 3 little kids !!! Come on ? I understand your frustration, but all you need to do is go look in the mirror not at your body, but your face. Look at the person looking back at you, no therapist can tell you anything about the past FIVE YEARS. I just pray I’m as focused as you are FIVE YEARS into this journey. Take a deep breath, and don’t beat yourself up !... if you hadn’t recognized the “bump in the road” it would be different. You have the focus, you see where you are, you okay !!.... As far as a Therapist I went last week first time ever, best $25 I’ve spent in a long time (Insurance paid rest). It wasn’t anything like I had thought, it made me focus on me. I have a lot of things I got to work on. But when I read your post my first thought was “She is her own Therapist”. Not saying it might not help, but your post lead me to believe, nobody can tell you what you already know. Take care of your arm, I tore my rotator cuff, had surgery and it’s a hurdle to recover from.

[AnnieG]

Sharon, I am sorry you are feeling you're off the path. You've taken the first step, which is making yourself accountable.

I believe your sleeve is still restrictive. Your body is fighting for equilibrium. You had your mum with you, and then her final illness, loss, and all the re-settling of things. You've been busy -- you've been off schedule. You've been injured. Your body is saying that whatever you put in your mouth (good or bad) it needs to hang on to because its a crisis.

Since I worked in mental health, I do think therapists are helpful when you find the right match. Your therapy has been walking, walking, walking and it helps with your mental and emotional balance. I journal, although there was a time when it wasn't enough and I had a marvelous woman psychologist. Usually insurance (with Medicare Part D) covers mental health visits. You may or may not require a referral from your PCP. But if you have a friend you trust that could recommend someone who's a good fit...if you feel you need to see someone. I have a spiritual advisor at this point in life, and with that and my journal I am pretty good.

My holidays had sugar cookies made with granddaughters, cheesy deliciousness of all kinds, gingerbread house with frosting, hershey kisses and in short, more than a taste of all the "food" groups. Then 12 days at the beach with NO scales, and didn't write anything down.

That said, I have a few pounds that don't belong. My PCP said my weight was fine at this number (129) but I don't like it. I

I find for my size 5'4" that 5 lbs is about a "size" in women's clothes. I am not buying new jeans, either.

You can do this! You know this cold! You did not fail yourself, you found a way through both the difficult and painful, and the fun. And it hasn't been fatal.

We're in your corner! It will all work just like it did before. Please know you can pm me or directly email me. Or call.

You are loved; you are treasured; your value is in your journey, not your destination and you have got this! Annie I've got a week at the Grand Canyon hiking and I'm determined to follow your lead on prep to be ready!

We are amazing women!

[Pudsley]

Sraebaer

My Lovely girl,

It's time for us to give something back to you.
You know you have this because you see something is not quite as it was.

I hear you and I am sure you are on this.
Filling up on your protein stock in the fridge is the way forwards, You can make something really delicious with all of your lovely food I suggest you do that so you feel that you are doing something different with the way you cook your protein.

Add Spice herbs fruit nuts ginger garlic and create some wonderful exciting tastes you know I recently have been struggling to eat much at all so found that I could eat a biscuit or 3 and I don't like biscuits but I felt hungry and could not eat much more chicken so its away of filling up is'nt it.

I wrote it down and why I ate them I am cold and I have acid and my restiction has been painful with other foods as I am full of cold and sinus and thats why I tried to eat something to calm it down. But it has to stop as I have not yet made my goal of 59 KG I have not exercised as its wet and freezing and my work is taking longer than usual I have to make financial targets each day and I am spending 2 to 3 hours more time to make less money.

So there are reasons that I really have for not being super woman.

But its temporary and by March this year I will be able to say the weather is better and my target to pay a loan back will have been met my cold will have gone and I will not have the acid reflux as the cold will go.

I have not gained weight I have just stopped losing for 4 weeks.

So maybe life for you has been temporarily disturbed for you too Your injury will not have helped.

As far as a therapist well why not?

I can't answer on the payment side but if you can try it then I would test the waters so to speak.

I am sorry I am unable to give you any better advice but I don't know what to say that you don't already know.

I really wish I could offer more to you as you have been an inspiration for me from day 1.

Thinking of you and Hope I can be the woman you are in 5 years!

xx

[sraebaer]

sraebaer
First I’d like to say I admire you being so candid. I haven’t been on this forum long but you are so positive. I look for your post because I have found you are on a journey I so want to start. “FIVE YEARS” !!!!... FIVE YEARS just think of all the things and hardships you have made it through. Look at the short timespan you just came through. The holidays (an injury) and 3 little kids !!! Come on ? I understand your frustration, but all you need to do is go look in the mirror not at your body, but your face. Look at the person looking back at you, no therapist can tell you anything about the past FIVE YEARS. I just pray I’m as focused as you are FIVE YEARS into this journey. Take a deep breath, and don’t beat yourself up !... if you hadn’t recognized the “bump in the road” it would be different. You have the focus, you see where you are, you okay !!.... As far as a Therapist I went last week first time ever, best $25 I’ve spent in a long time (Insurance paid rest). It wasn’t anything like I had thought, it made me focus on me. I have a lot of things I got to work on. But when I read your post my first thought was “She is her own Therapist”. Not saying it might not help, but your post lead me to believe, nobody can tell you what you already know. Take care of your arm, I tore my rotator cuff, had surgery and it’s a hurdle to recover from.

Thanks for your kind words! I am lucky that my rotator cuff is not a complete tear, so I don't need surgery, just PT.

[sraebaer]

Sharon, I am sorry you are feeling you're off the path. You've taken the first step, which is making yourself accountable.

I believe your sleeve is still restrictive. Your body is fighting for equilibrium. You had your mum with you, and then her final illness, loss, and all the re-settling of things. You've been busy -- you've been off schedule. You've been injured. Your body is saying that whatever you put in your mouth (good or bad) it needs to hang on to because its a crisis.

Since I worked in mental health, I do think therapists are helpful when you find the right match. Your therapy has been walking, walking, walking and it helps with your mental and emotional balance. I journal, although there was a time when it wasn't enough and I had a marvelous woman psychologist. Usually insurance (with Medicare Part D) covers mental health visits. You may or may not require a referral from your PCP. But if you have a friend you trust that could recommend someone who's a good fit...if you feel you need to see someone. I have a spiritual advisor at this point in life, and with that and my journal I am pretty good.

My holidays had sugar cookies made with granddaughters, cheesy deliciousness of all kinds, gingerbread house with frosting, hershey kisses and in short, more than a taste of all the "food" groups. Then 12 days at the beach with NO scales, and didn't write anything down.

That said, I have a few pounds that don't belong. My PCP said my weight was fine at this number (129) but I don't like it. I

I find for my size 5'4" that 5 lbs is about a "size" in women's clothes. I am not buying new jeans, either.

You can do this! You know this cold! You did not fail yourself, you found a way through both the difficult and painful, and the fun. And it hasn't been fatal.

We're in your corner! It will all work just like it did before. Please know you can pm me or directly email me. Or call.

You are loved; you are treasured; your value is in your journey, not your destination and you have got this! Annie I've got a week at the Grand Canyon hiking and I'm determined to follow your lead on prep to be ready!

We are amazing women!

Thanks Annie! I do think a lot of my issues have to do with guilt over my mom's death. I moved her from her home of 65 years to my state, and she never was happy with the move, despite the fact she could not live in her home alone 600 miles from me, her only child. And with memory issues starting, in a new place, she was always crying that she couldn't find anything. She knew she was losing it. But my biggest guilt is when we knew we were going to unhook all the machines the next morning, that I didn't spend the night in the hospital with her. What on earth was I thinking? I guess with the shock I wasn't thinking. See, I need a therapist!!

[DebF]

Sharon,

As a very recent new member to this forum with a 2/5 scheduled surgery date, you were the first person to respond to my first post and brought the reality of what I was doing into focus. You’re not “floundering”, you’re just human.

Look back at how far you’ve come in five years and do what you need to do to get back on track.

Your mom was very very very lucky to have you! There’s no “manual” outlining exactly what to do or when to do it when it comes to aging parents. We simply do the best we can. I commend you for opening up your home to your ailing mom - it’s not easy and one of the most unselfish acts any daughter could do. My mom is 87 with amazing mental capacity and still living in her own home. I keep asking her if she would like to come live with us but she says she’s still fine where she is. (Plus, she says I’m too bossy! Ha). But if I felt she was struggling in any way - I would make the exact same decision that you did!

The therapist I saw as part of my pre-qualification work was recommended by my surgeon (they both attended many of the same bariatric conferences together) and he was not only knowledgeable about the “head” stuff but also the physiology associated with WLS. This was the first time I had ever visited a therapist and felt he was terrific. I won’t hesitate to visit him again in the future. I guess the point I’m trying to make is if you choose to reach out to a therapist consider choosing one that is recommended by your physician or is experienced in the bariatric WLS field. (PM if you’re in the New England area since you’ve mentioned snow in many of your posts.)

You recognize that you’ve reached a bump in the road so smooth it out! Best, Deb

[sraebaer]

You are all very helpful. Thank you! I know I can do this, just have to get out of my mental blahs. I did get out into "my woods" today, which was beautiful, but a little dicey with quite a bit of ice. Ice and hills don't mix. We had our hiking sticks but next time I'll also add those grippy things I can put on the bottom of my hiking boots for ice.

[KiwiGal]

Hi Sharon.

Firstly thank you for being so honest in all your posts. It is comforting (possible not the best word!) to know that even the most successful veterans can come across a bump that throws them off kilter a little. We are all human after all.

As said above you have had a huge amount to deal with. I totally understand the guilt with you Mom. I had similar issues myself with mine.
However, you have recognized that there is a problem and that you are not your "normal" self and are looking at ways to rectify that.
You will be able to do that I have no doubt!
You have a fantastic trip to look forward to and a goal that you have set yourself which is achievable.
I'm certainly not an expert but perhaps a therapist would be a good option - even just to confirm to yourself that you are heading in the right direction.

Winter is always a bit tricky when it comes to exercise. You will find your way around it for sure. Skiing - how wonderful.

You give so much to us all so I hope that amongst all these posts you will find some support that helps you along the way.

And Yes AnnieG we are "amazing women"!

xxx

[denzel]

Hi Sharon,

Thank you for your candid post.
I know, you know, we all know that you have this weight loss/maintenance way of eating/life down pat. That little bit of extra weight? You know that it will come off! Precious memories of grand-kids, and fun entertaining over the festive season? Priceless!

But as you have recognised, Sharon needs help mentally, and IMHO Sharon needs some nurturing. Grief is grief, and we all greeve differently in our own time and in our own way. I hope that you can soon find a therapist who you can 'resonate with'. (and IMHOI think that you would have been a wonderful daughter to your Mum x).

YES! We ARE amazing women. But we are only human.
Gentle hugs x.

[crazycibertalk]

What's up? After 5 years, for the first time, I don't have my head in the game. I think it started with weeks of Christmas entertaining, then a painful injury to my rotator cuff Christmas shopping (stepped out of the car on glare ice, and tried to hold on with my arm), and now a week of babysitting out of state with 3 little kids that only eat junk. Excuses, I know. I am 3 pounds over goal, where I spent the summer 5 pounds under goal. My jeans are TIGHT. I will not buy new jeans.

It's scary to realize how fast old habits can come back. While I still have restriction, it is nothing like it was during those early days. Early on watching food intake was basically done by my sleeve, a total non-brainer. Now it's done by what I put in my mouth. I started fresh yesterday by writing down everything I ate. I changed my ticker to my real weight, it's been a lie for a while. I have the fridge stocked with fish, chicken, fruits and veggies. Today I will hike in the snow, even though it's about 20 out. I have plenty really warm stuff, and I do love snow and hiking. We are going skiing next week, so if I eat right I'll do well. I actually do pretty well in the mountains because I have to drink so much water to combat altitude sickness.

My goal is 130 by Kilimanjaro in August and super fit. That's 13 pounds. Totally reasonable. I'm doing physical therapy on my arm at home, and hope to get to the gym to get back to weight training in a few weeks.

I know many of you see therapists. Is that something ever covered by insurance? I would like to talk to someone to find out why my thinking is messed up.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!

Hi,

I know how you feel, please do not give in, this is just a little bump.
I got so upset because for 7 days, I weighted the same. Getting upset got me in trouble even more. Then I had to deal with the emotion and weight as well.

You had given so much advise to this board, that is time we all send you TONS of HUGS.

[Stacey03]

Much love to you. Therapy is often good, and that is probably 8 pounds of grief. Somewhere safe to unpack that would be useful. I also don't think those 8 pounds will stick around xx

[AnnieG]

Much love to you. Therapy is often good, and that is probably 8 pounds of grief. Somewhere safe to unpack that would be useful. I also don't think those 8 pounds will stick around xx

Sharon, I think what Edie says makes sense. There is no easy way when a parent leaves us, whether its emotionally, divorce, or death. There is no way to be perfect in how you deal with life choices where all the choices are NOT what the person wants, or you either.

We all know stress produces cortisone, which grabs our estrogen and gloms on some weight. But knowing and being able to move through it is not the same.

You are a wonderful daughter, a positive woman in our lives, and I suspect a great wife and mother (and friend). All that said, knowing it doesn't make it feel true when you struggle.

Be careful on the ice! I have 24/7 vertigo and am somewhat unsafe at any speed on plain surfaces. Do what restores your soul. Do what brings you pleasure (and even a few tears).

<3

[Katrina]

No words of wisdom or advice here. Just know we all think you're pretty damn amazing. You'll get over this like a champ just like every other hurdle you've faced.

[Ann2]

Sharon, I've been thinking a lot about your post since earlier today.

I'm not far behind you in tenure (4.5 years post-op), and like you I'm very active, travel a good deal, don't mind celebrating short-term with food when there's good food around and a good reason to celebrate.

However, there have been times in my post-op weight maintenance career when I've really eaten differently than I normally do. Like on cruises, long vacations, and right now -- I'm spending much of this winter in New Orleans, which IMHO is America's most notorious foodie and party town. Boy, it's a challenge.

Anyway, my point is that on those occasions when I've gained 3-4-5 pounds over several weeks and need to get back into my safety zone, here's what I do (not saying you should, just offering up my own experience that works for me):

1. I step on the scales every single morning.

2. I set a caloric target for how much I want to eat (for me, that's 1,200 - 1,300 calories/day). I also aim for 100 calories of protein.

3. I plan every morning what I'm going to eat that day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and an evening snack that doesn't exceed my 1,200-1,300 calorie target. And for many of the coming days and/or weeks I eat very close to the same thing every day. In other words, I stop using food as entertainment or amusement in any way. By doing this, within a few days my craving pretty much peter out.

4. During this time I stop drinking all alcohol and all added sugar.

5. I also weigh everything I eat to make sure I'm not underestimating how much I'm eating.

6. I don't skip any meals. Ever.

7. I really start drinking more water and pay strong attention to it.

8. I don't try to "exercise off the weight," but I'm absolutely determined to get in at least 10,000 steps/day. I also go to yoga class, but that's because I've been doing yoga classes for the last 3 years -- I'm used to that.

9. I do everything I can to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Because for me there is NOTHING like being tired to make me hangry and tempt me to overeat.

I know you don't like to count calories. But that's what I do. I also know that you liked Weight Watchers a lot. Any chance you would like to go back to that?

Ultimately, I think (others' mileage may vary) we need to find "a middle way" somewhere between enjoying ourselves occasionally and being disciplined most of the time that keeps our weight steady. I'm constantly recalibrating what that place of balance is for me. What helps me is the obsessive amount of control I put into deciding what to eat every day and counting my macronutrients. This doesn't seem weird to me because I've been doing this for nearly five years now. It's just now I roll.

Heck, I count my steps AND my calories AND my protein AND my carb and fat grams AND my fiber grams. Or My Fitness Pal does most of that for me.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. You'll figure out what will work best for you. I have zero doubt you will figure out what to do and that you will do what you decide to do. Go get 'em!