Floundering!

[Ann2]

Also ... for nearly five years now I've been seeing a psychotherapist at least once a month. I don't think I'd have been able to traverse all the stress in my life during that time (including the deaths of four people in my family, two of whom were my mother and the person I loved most in the world).

Life is precious. But life is painful. And life is brief. The culture we live in doesn't help us much with these issues. Heck, in most ways our culture / society either ignores those issues or just propagates "acceptable lies" about those issues, which we all sense in our bones aren't true, but hardly ever talk about out loud.

So yes, I think you might very well benefit from finding someone to talk about the things that aren't safe to talk about to people who are just made nervous by you raising the subjects and only want to interrupt you to tell you their fairy tales or their "dead mama story" when you just wanted to find someone who would LISTEN while you talked about YOUR mother's death and your reactions and struggles with that significant event in your life.

And this is the point when I usually say (or at least think): Most people are stupid. Nice, but stupid.

[sraebaer]

Also ... for nearly five years now I've been seeing a psychotherapist at least once a month. I don't think I'd have been able to traverse all the stress in my life during that time (including the deaths of four people in my family, two of whom were my mother and the person I loved most in the world).

Life is precious. But life is painful. And life is brief. The culture we live in doesn't help us much with these issues. Heck, in most ways our culture / society either ignores those issues or just propagates "acceptable lies" about those issues, which we all sense in our bones aren't true, but hardly ever talk about out loud.

So yes, I think you might very well benefit from finding someone to talk about the things that aren't safe to talk about to people who are just made nervous by you raising the subjects and only want to interrupt you to tell you their fairy tales or their "dead mama story" when you just wanted to find someone who would LISTEN while you talked about YOUR mother's death and your reactions and struggles with that significant event in your life.

And this is the point when I usually say (or at least think): Most people are stupid. Nice, but stupid.

I am totally ready, but I am not sure how to go about finding one. Everyone seems to have a specialty, like marriage counseling or whatever. I'll just call my insurance company and ask. Plus I don't understand the difference between counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, etc.

[sraebaer]

Sharon, I've been thinking a lot about your post since earlier today.

I'm not far behind you in tenure (4.5 years post-op), and like you I'm very active, travel a good deal, don't mind celebrating short-term with food when there's good food around and a good reason to celebrate.

However, there have been times in my post-op weight maintenance career when I've really eaten differently than I normally do. Like on cruises, long vacations, and right now -- I'm spending much of this winter in New Orleans, which IMHO is America's most notorious foodie and party town. Boy, it's a challenge.

Anyway, my point is that on those occasions when I've gained 3-4-5 pounds over several weeks and need to get back into my safety zone, here's what I do (not saying you should, just offering up my own experience that works for me):

1. I step on the scales every single morning.

2. I set a caloric target for how much I want to eat (for me, that's 1,200 - 1,300 calories/day). I also aim for 100 calories of protein.

3. I plan every morning what I'm going to eat that day for breakfast, lunch, dinner and an evening snack that doesn't exceed my 1,200-1,300 calorie target. And for many of the coming days and/or weeks I eat very close to the same thing every day. In other words, I stop using food as entertainment or amusement in any way. By doing this, within a few days my craving pretty much peter out.

4. During this time I stop drinking all alcohol and all added sugar.

5. I also weigh everything I eat to make sure I'm not underestimating how much I'm eating.

6. I don't skip any meals. Ever.

7. I really start drinking more water and pay strong attention to it.

8. I don't try to "exercise off the weight," but I'm absolutely determined to get in at least 10,000 steps/day. I also go to yoga class, but that's because I've been doing yoga classes for the last 3 years -- I'm used to that.

9. I do everything I can to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Because for me there is NOTHING like being tired to make me hangry and tempt me to overeat.

I know you don't like to count calories. But that's what I do. I also know that you liked Weight Watchers a lot. Any chance you would like to go back to that?

Ultimately, I think (others' mileage may vary) we need to find "a middle way" somewhere between enjoying ourselves occasionally and being disciplined most of the time that keeps our weight steady. I'm constantly recalibrating what that place of balance is for me. What helps me is the obsessive amount of control I put into deciding what to eat every day and counting my macronutrients. This doesn't seem weird to me because I've been doing this for nearly five years now. It's just now I roll.

Heck, I count my steps AND my calories AND my protein AND my carb and fat grams AND my fiber grams. Or My Fitness Pal does most of that for me.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. You'll figure out what will work best for you. I have zero doubt you will figure out what to do and that you will do what you decide to do. Go get 'em!

You always have wise advice! I'm writing down everything that goes in my mouth. Bought a cute journal. And I do intend to re-join Weight Watchers when we get home from skiing next week. That will be free if I get to 140, and I should be able to do that skiing. They have a cool app that does all the counting for you. You can even take a picture on your phone of a bar code and get the point value.

I do wonder if I get enough fiber. Do you count that? I rarely eat anything like bread, oatmeal, whole grains. I basically concentrate on protein, veggies and sometimes fruits.

[Ann2]

Your plan sounds wunderbar!

[KiwiGal]

Just a note on the fibre. I also wonder if I get enough fibre so have started adding a tablespoon of wheat bran to my protein shake (most days) and oats (which I only have once or twice a week). Doesn't add too much in the way of calories and possibly helps with the fibre content.

"Wheat bran is a good source of many nutrients and protein and relatively low in calories. It’s a very good source of dietary fiber as well. Arguably, wheat bran’s most impressive trait is its fiber content. Half a cup (29 grams) of wheat bran provides almost 13 grams of dietary fiber, which is 99% of the DV."

Like I said I only have 1 tablespoon at the moment as they recommend adding it gradually....but I don't think I would ever get to 1/2 cup! Might be an option for you if you are looking at increasing your intake.

[Dutchie]

All the people above have put into words what I wanted to say, but I couldn't find the right words to do so.
But in essence, this can and probably will happen to all of us.
At some point we will not be as strong or determined as usual.
Is that terrible?
I truly believe, as long as we keep recognizing it, we will be fine, because at some point we will take action.
But getting to the point where we actually take that action can be difficult, especially when we are not in the right frame of mind, for whatever reason.
I understand so well where you are and what you mean...
Having said that, I (like Ann) thought about your Weight Watchers?
Did you stop going?
Maybe you want to start doing that again?
I am not going to give you advice, you do not need my advice.
You need a big hug and comforting words and love and warmth right now.
You may want someone to hold you and tell you you are strong and will be fine.
Even the strongest person needs that from time to time.
We are all here for you and I am sure all of us are holding you.
You will loose those extra pounds and you will go and reach that summit!
We all believe in you.
Now you just go ahead and do what you have to do in order to help yourself.

[Christie13]

It happens to the best of us. I have no doubt that you will get to your goal of losing those 13 pounds. You are active and real. You keep yourself (and others) accountable. You are straight shooting and goal oriented. I know what you mean about bad habits. It is totally easy. And the sleeve is easy to eat crap foods in larger quantities. If only the junk was just as hard to eat as the solid proteins. I know I can eat a lot more than I could and I am just a little over 2 years out. Sometimes I surprise myself. I am sorry you had some gain and your jeans are tight. But I like I said....YOU ARE A ROCK STAR and if ANYONE can do it it's YOU!! Hugs love!