Does anyone else still feel "fat"?

[AnnieG]

I can see with my eyes that I am not the least bit heavy.
I can see that my clothes (way smaller sizes) fit comfortably, not "snuggly".
I can see that there are bones showing in a nice way.

And yet I am not recognizing me quite yet. Does the adjustment just take a while? I never felt fat even when I was very round at 240 lbs. I think I need a break from thinking about weight!

[ACE]

The mental stuff is always harder and takes longer than anything else. I am 7 years out from surgery and 10 years from my biggest weight and I still feel fat often. I learned early in my journey to keep mirrors everywhere in my house. I had like 4' by 6' mirrors given to me and I put one in the dining room in the living room , in the bedroom, and in front of my workspace. This way I always have to face myself and see reality. When I was 500 lbs I never felt "that big" but now at 200 lbs i look down ans see the excess skin and those feelings of being fat come rushing in hard. But those mirrors as well as a few of my fat pictures around here and there help a lot. Keep working on it . It gets better.

[Sandra3]

Yep!! dysmorphia comes and goes in a weird way in most of us.

Like ACE I've been sometimes feeling bigger post-op compare to pre-op , I have to remind myself how big I was and how I couldn't move, or "move painless" (have this horrible experience of breaking 4 toes during a trip to Japan, and stubborn I didn't stop my traveling that year, was busy and was walking with broken toes for months because I couldn't deal with 3 weeks with my feet up!!).

Before my "Summer health issues" started, I could do so much and felt so good to be mobile and painless.

But my mirror is constantly kicking my butt for no good reason (it's been so much worth!!!), should have done it long before...when the issue was real...but anyway I think I was just too busy to care...

[sraebaer]

Yes, I still feel fat, but it gets better as the years go by. Now it's just when I look at my flabby tummy (which hides nicely under clothes) that I see and feel fat. It's funny now when my grandkids see old photos of me they are shocked; you know that Kevin from Home Alone look?! So I know I look better, I just don't always feel it.

Now many people in my life never knew me fat, so that's kinda cool.

[katsco]

Although still relatively new (only about 3.5 months from sleeving date), I, too, find that my head is quite a ways behind my body. I instinctively still reach for XXL sizes. I continue to be a bit critical of my reflection, but remind myself that this is the new normal, and that there's still work to be done.

[EnglishGentleman]

I felt slim until around June of this year (14 months post op), that’s when I went to see a plastic surgeon about the spare skin on my tummy and man boobs.

I decided then to book the operation for 21 December, being self employed that coincided with a two week shutdown in the market where I work, thereby minimising lost billable days.

The consequence was that during the period from fist meeting the surgeon to going under the knife I began to feel conscious of the spare skin around my tummy, cloths that felt loose suddenly began to feel tight. My guess this is due to the operation being in the forefront of my mind.

Strange how the mind works!

[AnnieG]

Yes, I still feel fat, but it gets better as the years go by. Now it's just when I look at my flabby tummy (which hides nicely under clothes) that I see and feel fat. It's funny now when my grandkids see old photos of me they are shocked; you know that Kevin from Home Alone look?! So I know I look better, I just don't always feel it.

Now many people in my life never knew me fat, so that's kinda cool.

I find that even those who knew me at my heaviest seem to have forgotten it and are surprised when they see an old photo. My kids think I'm too thin; my PCP yesterday pronounced 130 a good, healthy and attractive weight - and she agreed that at 122 my face was a bit hollow looking. SO....trying to learn I'm not a number.

My health goal is to go back to Planet Fitness and build some endurance. It will have to wait till after 1/12 when we are back from the coast. But YOU are such an inspiration. I used to rock climb, but post strokes am pretty sure that it wouldn't be smart; also gave up horses for the same reason. But I will find something I really like and do that.

Have a wonderful New Year, dear friend! <3

[AnnieG]

I felt slim until around June of this year (14 months post op), that’s when I went to see a plastic surgeon about the spare skin on my tummy and man boobs.

I decided then to book the operation for 21 December, being self employed that coincided with a two week shutdown in the market where I work, thereby minimising lost billable days.

The consequence was that during the period from fist meeting the surgeon to going under the knife I began to feel conscious of the spare skin around my tummy, cloths that felt loose suddenly began to feel tight. My guess this is due to the operation being in the forefront of my mind.

Strange how the mind works!

I've never been accused of having a "normal" mind, lol. I think you are incredibly brave to go for the surgery when you felt it was time. At 66, since I look fine dressed and only my husband, docs and the undertaker some day need to see me, I don't think I'll do it. Mostly the cost. My VSG was self pay and we are on a fixed income..

That said, keep posting your brave journey! It's awesome.

[Ann2]

Am smiling at this post and the responses. I relate to all of them -- positive and negative.

At 4.5 years post-op, I'm now "used" to being thinner. HOWEVER, the same weight (135 pounds) doesn't feel nearly as skinny as it used to feel the first few years I was normal-sized. Even though my clothes all still fit the same, my head has just changed.

However, just as strange as me feeling more "normal" and not skinny anymore is the fact that some people I've known for years keep saying, "You're still getting thinner and thinner! Stop losing weight!" I don't think they're being assholes. I think that they really "see" me as still losing weight, even though I'm not. For the record, my weight has been extremely stable since I lost 100 pounds. BTW, those who think I'm still losing weight seem to have gained 10-20 pounds during the time I have been maintaining.

I think a lot of people have dysmorphia -- and I think it may actually affect how they see others as well.

But bottom line, is although I don't have any idea why or how this works, it is obvious that we're ALL obsessed with weight (ours and others') and how our bodies and others' bodies look.

Can you say "obsession"?

[EnglishGentleman]

Self funding, ditto that.

To date I’ve spent £22,000 which is around US$28,000

The pain was free though!

[Sandra3]

the undertaker some day

Annie!! come on!!! the undertaker !!! you have lots of time in front of you, no negative waves!!

I love Jane Fonda's book about the third act, I think she is right and that's the way we all need to look at things....and who care who's going dress us for our last journey!! what's important is right now...or at least the next two decades..

[Christie13]

Hahaha. So I can soooo relate. I ping pong back and forth between feeling fat and too skinny. I do take a lot of pics and compare so that helps me calm my mind. I think the thing that triggers me feeling fat is when I see someone thinner than me. I know I am not fat but seeing skinnier people always triggers that response. I can tell you that fear of being fat is what is helping me stay on track and not back slide. Also, the strength training is helping me feel strong and good about myself.

[Pudsley]

Hi Annie

I can relate to that I yo-yo between I am thin and I feel fat.

It took a long time to gain the weight for me I was slim up to my late 20's.

And We lose the weight with the sleeve really fast compared to how long it took us to gain the weight.

Maybe its something to do with the fast adjustment.

This last week I have felt fat and flabby.
But I know that is also because different routine with food over Christmas and I did not really eat enough vegetables and did not drink enough water.

I had too many coffees rather than water.

Also, a big drop in temperature here and I have not been swimming or cycling since August so I am not toned I think this is why I feel fat.
I gained a pound over Christmas but I do that now and again for no explained reason my surgeon said its perfectly normal to see one's weight change like a pound or 2 after big loss of weight.

Have you tried a little yoga or pilates or tai chi very gentle stretches can tone us up maybe that would work it does for me.

Also, massage makes me feel thinner, I think its the detox that eliminates the waste after a massage, I have not had one for 3 weeks and I think that it when I feel fat. Also the oils make things smooth out too if you know what I mean.

You look great!

[Sandra3]

I'm with Carla here on the massage topic.

This is such a big help to detox (I used to do a lymphatic massage after each flight when working in DC, I was flying often and just had a pulmonary embolism so I was always making sure my legs were fine) but also to feel better in your body a massage can really help.

When I was lucky enough to have 3 blissful weeks in Bali on October 2016 (was a "reward trip" post-sleeve, in the OR I was picturing myself in Bali right before closing my eyes), one of the best part was able to do a massage almost every two days (it made me more aware of my new size if it makes sens), facials, mani-pedi etc, I found a wonderful spa near the house we rented, prices were so cheap!! I even got the kids to do massages with me!!

Right now in France massages are way too expensive (plus my 17 years old is doing her second year in college, in an other country, it's costing a lot, not the right time to indulge, I already spend so much on medical bills) and also I never really found a great therapist for the lymphatic drainage, usually they are good for the basics like swedish but prices are so crazy I will wait to be in a country were we can afford it!

I can get "medical massages" from a PT with a doc prescription, that would be covered by my insurance, and thinking about it for my joints issues that could help a lot my back but I never tried it here so...if I get better soon I will try it...