Originally Posted by
Sandra3
Hey Christina,
My dad was also a police officer. And before being in the force he was in the army. I didn't have the best childhood to say the least, and if I compare it to my husband's or even my kids, I can say I had a really awful traumatic and toxic childhood. I started working when I was in HS at 16 (nobody did that around me) and as soon as I turned 18 I left my parent's place without any regret, except not having been able to do it before that.
Indeed that was not the end of it, and I had to deal with awful comments all the time, "you are worthless, you didn't even finish your PhD" or "I can't believe you are marrying that guy, I can't stand him, plus did you see how bad you look in that(wedding) dress" etc etc...my husband and I met in HS, when we got married, we've known each other for more than 15 years and already had 2 kids together...see, no point in being mean...I was not going to change my mind at the alter. But he couldn't help it. He had to ruin everything. Then a few minutes later my mother picked a fight with the chef at the venue...that was my wedding day..a nightmare!
Plus my obesity was always a trigger for awful comments even if obesity comes from his very own side of the family, my dad's sisters. They have asthma, allergies and obesity, which I got all from them.
People are awful, and we don't chose our family. But it's your life, and you are an adult and make your own choices.
I moved out when I was 18 (after saving all my money for almost two years), and worked full time when I was a student: none of my friend around me did that, their parents paid for their studies, or they got a stipend from the government if their parents were underprivileged. But since my father made a good earning, I was not able to get financial help, so I had to work.
Today I prefer spending time with my husband's family. We don't have to agree on everything but at least there is mutual respect. And I trust them with my children, which is not the case with my biological family.
No wonder why we lived overseas for so long, coming back to work in Paris is always linked to some degree of "family feud" that I never start but at some point I'm always involved in it, even if I'm doing nothing and don't participate in anything!! I don't even go to family reunions but the verbal bullying can start even without me being there! then gossips follow...you know the plague?? that's my family..and when my father was killed in a car accident 12 years ago, my mother got even worth, it's like if she had to carry on the family tradition and be extra mean to compensate his absence. When she is not verbally abusing me, she is trying to do it with the kids. They don't want to see her.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and was really sad when he died. But what my mother became after his death is just impossible to deal with. Because my father told me two weeks before he passed that he knew he was a bad father, but always tried his best to be a good grandfather, and he was actually great with the kids. But it's not the case with my mother. She hates the kids and they are scared. When they are babies and don't talk it's ok, but as soon as they talk she look at them as the enemy.
I tried my best to deal with it for a long time, after my father died I took my mother with us in vacation (she ruined it every time) and did help her when she got sick, for example the last time in August 2017.Took care of her at the hospital, organized repairs at her house, took care of her pets even if I'm allergic etc.. She never said thank you and was actually criticizing everything I did. The kids were scared to go with me at the hospital: it is that bad. Since she got better I kept my distances again.
I can't wait for my next job overseas. And I'm SO HAPPY my children have "normal grandparents": my lovely in-laws..too bad they are in the South, far away, when my biological family is actually nearby ...but I can manage to not see them for six months at a time!! Keeping my distances is the only way.
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