Welcome guest, you have 1 message! Register

Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Support System

  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member Loveangel104's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christina
    Surgery date
    08/28/2018
    Surgeon
    Dr. George Fielding
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Last Activity
    04-07-2020 04:46 PM
    Location
    Brooklyn, NY
    Posts
    87
    Said "Thanks" 116 Times
    Was Thanked 54 Times in 41 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 10 Times
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Support System

    This is something that has recently occurred to me and I need some advice.

    I have a wonderful support system: the people who know I've had the surgery have been non-judgmental and completely happy for me, all except for one person. My father is being a thorn in my side.

    My father was always of the mindset that surgery was the ABSOLUTE LAST RESORT to get my health in order. He never quite understood how hard this whole thing was before I finally started on my journey to a new me. I guess because of that attitude, I shouldn't be too surprised.

    He retired from the police department a number of years ago, and when I was growing up I always called him 'drill sergeant' when he was unnecessarily tough on me. it still hasn't sunk in that tone is an important thing when speaking to someone, whether its your subordinates at work, but especially your sensitive daughter. I'm much less so now at 33 then I was at 15, but it's starting to get to me more than I'd like it to. I tried to explain to him that you could be a bastard to your cops if you wanted them to take an order, or you could show them basic respect and ASK them to do something you need them to do.

    My situation is parallel to that scenario. My father is a gruff man. Never been able to sugar coat anything. That's fine. But lately I feel he's been downright mean. I am constantly reminded of the fact I need to exercise. I am completely aware I haven't been doing nearly as much of that as I should. I am not making excuses, but I went from being fatigued because of my anemia, low iron levels, and medication side effects, to now working two jobs (working from 8 am to 8 pm, but leaving at 6:30 am and not returning till 9 pm) with the added hinderance of tanking blood pressure making me feel like I am going to pass out. I didn't think exercise in the manner I want to do and need to do was safe at either point. Or even timely now, as I need sleep and to be able to shower every day (what a luxury!)
    *I called the cardiologist and he took me off the water pill (yay) and in a few days if im still feeling like this I can stop the metoprolol. I'm feeling much better now, so don't worry I've got my eye on it. *

    It's not so much what he's saying, it's HOW he's saying it. He is not constructive, not helpful, and just being nasty. I know I will be better for exercising, I'm not a fool to think the skin will disappear without it, and I will need surgery most likely even with copious amounts of toning and exercise and fluids and protein and whatever else I throw at it to help the situation.

    Should I have a tougher skin? I can't ignore or escape it, as I still live with him. I'm working on moving out now that I might potentially be able to afford to. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but right now I don't like him very much.

    I guess I'm sharing this story for selfish reasons, as it is cathartic to get it out and since it's almost 4 am and I can't sleep, writing is easier than anything else. Anyone else out there having issues like this? What have you done about it?

    Concerned and heartbroken,
    ~*~Christina~*~



  2. Said thanks:


  3. Gastric Sleeve Surgery With Weight Loss Agents
  4. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member KiwiGal's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Lisa
    Surgery date
    09/04/2017
    Surgeon
    Stephanie Ulmer
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Last Activity
    05-24-2021 09:49 PM
    Location
    Auckland New Zealand
    Posts
    1,417
    Said "Thanks" 797 Times
    Was Thanked 909 Times in 702 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 750 Times
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: Support System

    Family eh?! As the old saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family.
    As I don't know your Father I am in no position to comment on him as a person.
    Possibly if you are able to move out at some stage into your own space you might find that the relationship changes. Otherwise I think it is just a case of trying to ignore his tone and know that he loves you and only wants the best for you....even though he might not be going about the best way of showing it.
    I had a love hate relationship with my Mother. After one particular incident I decided that yes, she was my Mother, but I didn't like her as a person very much. I still visited them weekly and I looked after both my parents as they required more assistance when they got older and then when my Father died I did my best for my Mother. I was sad when she died but also a little relieved. I guess that probably says more about me as a person then her :-(



  5. Said thanks:


  6. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    6,630
    Said "Thanks" 5,839 Times
    Was Thanked 5,052 Times in 2,720 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 3,616 Times
    Blog Entries
    3

    Default Re: Support System

    Bless his heart.

    Don't blame it on his cop background. My hubby was a cop, too, and he was completely NOT like that -- he was the "cooler," the guy who lowered the temperature in any bad situation and calmed everyone down. Sadly, your dad isn't that kind of guy.

    Sounds like he's got some old habits and an old style that he adopted many years ago that aren't going to change. At least not readily.

    I know this might sound impossible, but the one thing you CAN change is how YOU react to / respond to / feel about his behavior. Anything from walking out of the room when he talks like that to standing up and giving him a big old hug and saying, "Dad, I know you want the best for me. I want the best for you, too." Or something else that puts YOU in charge of YOUR feelings.

    And like KiwiGirl said, family! We don't get to pick 'em. We just get to learn how to survive them.

    We support you!



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post


  7. #4
    sraebaer
    Guest   Change Avatar!

    Default Re: Support System

    So sorry that is happening to you. I guess your only choices are to move out or just do your best to ignore him. You're not going to change the guy; he sounds like a jerk.

    It always makes me feel better to write things down, many people do this here. Ultimately the decision is yours, and in my opinion, it's the best thing you could do for yourself. It's amazing to be smaller and healthier! Best of luck to you.

  8. Said thanks:


  9. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member Sandra3's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Sandra
    Surgery date
    01/20/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr W
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Last Activity
    06-25-2020 09:15 AM
    Location
    France
    Posts
    1,363
    Said "Thanks" 290 Times
    Was Thanked 1,067 Times in 752 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 480 Times
    Blog Entries
    62

    Default Re: Support System

    Hey Christina,

    My dad was also a police officer. And before being in the force he was in the army. I didn't have the best childhood to say the least, and if I compare it to my husband's or even my kids, I can say I had a really awful traumatic and toxic childhood. I started working when I was in HS at 16 (nobody did that around me) and as soon as I turned 18 I left my parent's place without any regret, except not having been able to do it before that.

    Indeed that was not the end of it, and I had to deal with awful comments all the time, "you are worthless, you didn't even finish your PhD" or "I can't believe you are marrying that guy, I can't stand him, plus did you see how bad you look in that(wedding) dress" etc etc...my husband and I met in HS, when we got married, we've known each other for more than 15 years and already had 2 kids together...see, no point in being mean...I was not going to change my mind at the alter. But he couldn't help it. He had to ruin everything. Then a few minutes later my mother picked a fight with the chef at the venue...that was my wedding day..a nightmare!

    Plus my obesity was always a trigger for awful comments even if obesity comes from his very own side of the family, my dad's sisters. They have asthma, allergies and obesity, which I got all from them.

    People are awful, and we don't chose our family. But it's your life, and you are an adult and make your own choices.

    I moved out when I was 18 (after saving all my money for almost two years), and worked full time when I was a student: none of my friend around me did that, their parents paid for their studies, or they got a stipend from the government if their parents were underprivileged. But since my father made a good earning, I was not able to get financial help, so I had to work.

    Today I prefer spending time with my husband's family. We don't have to agree on everything but at least there is mutual respect. And I trust them with my children, which is not the case with my biological family.

    No wonder why we lived overseas for so long, coming back to work in Paris is always linked to some degree of "family feud" that I never start but at some point I'm always involved in it, even if I'm doing nothing and don't participate in anything!! I don't even go to family reunions but the verbal bullying can start even without me being there! then gossips follow...you know the plague?? that's my family..and when my father was killed in a car accident 12 years ago, my mother got even worth, it's like if she had to carry on the family tradition and be extra mean to compensate his absence. When she is not verbally abusing me, she is trying to do it with the kids. They don't want to see her.

    Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and was really sad when he died. But what my mother became after his death is just impossible to deal with. Because my father told me two weeks before he passed that he knew he was a bad father, but always tried his best to be a good grandfather, and he was actually great with the kids. But it's not the case with my mother. She hates the kids and they are scared. When they are babies and don't talk it's ok, but as soon as they talk she look at them as the enemy.

    I tried my best to deal with it for a long time, after my father died I took my mother with us in vacation (she ruined it every time) and did help her when she got sick, for example the last time in August 2017.Took care of her at the hospital, organized repairs at her house, took care of her pets even if I'm allergic etc.. She never said thank you and was actually criticizing everything I did. The kids were scared to go with me at the hospital: it is that bad. Since she got better I kept my distances again.

    I can't wait for my next job overseas. And I'm SO HAPPY my children have "normal grandparents": my lovely in-laws..too bad they are in the South, far away, when my biological family is actually nearby ...but I can manage to not see them for six months at a time!! Keeping my distances is the only way.


    HW : 150 kgs
    09/02/2014 : 142 /1st apt
    01/20/2016 : 134 /surgery
    01/30/2016 : 130 /1st post-op
    02/27/2016 : 126 /2nd
    04/23/2016 : 118 /3rd
    07/16/2016 : 109 / 4th
    10/01/2016 : 103 /5th
    01/21/2017 : 98 /1 year post-op
    February 2017 : 100 lbs lost
    07/22/2017 : 96
    10/21/2017 : 93
    12/22/2017 : 91
    01/02/2018 : 96!! regain (medication)

  10. Said thanks:


  11. Gastric Sleeve Surgery With Weight Loss Agents
  12. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member Stacey03's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Edie
    Surgery date
    11/07/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr Phil lockie
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    04-27-2019 09:56 AM
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,961
    Said "Thanks" 854 Times
    Was Thanked 1,179 Times in 902 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 0 Times
    Blog Entries
    34

    Default Re: Support System

    I was going to say exactly the same as Ann Christina! You can only change your reaction. And Im sending you a hug. Dads can be hard work xx



  13. #7
    Gastric Sleeve Member Dutchie's Avatar
    Name
    Simonne
    Surgery date
    01/03/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Pablo Enriquez Valens
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Last Activity
    07-05-2020 12:35 AM
    Posts
    1,494
    Said "Thanks" 1,206 Times
    Was Thanked 1,222 Times in 797 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 365 Times
    Blog Entries
    8

    Default Re: Support System

    I was going to say exactly what Ann said.
    You (we) cannot change people, that is an illusion.
    We can only decide how WE are going to react to them.
    You are his daughter and he loves you, because if he didn't, he would ignore you or didn't care what you did.
    Saying "I love you too dad" would take the wind right out of his sails.
    It is sad really, that he knows no other way to express his love for you.
    When you doubt that, you can simply ask him "do you actually love me dad?".

    We are the one in charge of our emotions, no one else has that power, unless... we give them that power.
    You are a very strong woman, you choose the hard way to get fit and healthy, so don't doubt yourself for a second!
    xoxoxo
    English is not my first language anymore, so I may and do make mistakes in my spelling, or say things oddly. Please ask me, if you want any clarifications.



  14. Said thanks:


  15. #8
    sraebaer
    Guest   Change Avatar!

    Default Re: Support System

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra3 View Post
    Hey Christina,

    My dad was also a police officer. And before being in the force he was in the army. I didn't have the best childhood to say the least, and if I compare it to my husband's or even my kids, I can say I had a really awful traumatic and toxic childhood. I started working when I was in HS at 16 (nobody did that around me) and as soon as I turned 18 I left my parent's place without any regret, except not having been able to do it before that.

    Indeed that was not the end of it, and I had to deal with awful comments all the time, "you are worthless, you didn't even finish your PhD" or "I can't believe you are marrying that guy, I can't stand him, plus did you see how bad you look in that(wedding) dress" etc etc...my husband and I met in HS, when we got married, we've known each other for more than 15 years and already had 2 kids together...see, no point in being mean...I was not going to change my mind at the alter. But he couldn't help it. He had to ruin everything. Then a few minutes later my mother picked a fight with the chef at the venue...that was my wedding day..a nightmare!

    Plus my obesity was always a trigger for awful comments even if obesity comes from his very own side of the family, my dad's sisters. They have asthma, allergies and obesity, which I got all from them.

    People are awful, and we don't chose our family. But it's your life, and you are an adult and make your own choices.

    I moved out when I was 18 (after saving all my money for almost two years), and worked full time when I was a student: none of my friend around me did that, their parents paid for their studies, or they got a stipend from the government if their parents were underprivileged. But since my father made a good earning, I was not able to get financial help, so I had to work.

    Today I prefer spending time with my husband's family. We don't have to agree on everything but at least there is mutual respect. And I trust them with my children, which is not the case with my biological family.

    No wonder why we lived overseas for so long, coming back to work in Paris is always linked to some degree of "family feud" that I never start but at some point I'm always involved in it, even if I'm doing nothing and don't participate in anything!! I don't even go to family reunions but the verbal bullying can start even without me being there! then gossips follow...you know the plague?? that's my family..and when my father was killed in a car accident 12 years ago, my mother got even worth, it's like if she had to carry on the family tradition and be extra mean to compensate his absence. When she is not verbally abusing me, she is trying to do it with the kids. They don't want to see her.

    Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and was really sad when he died. But what my mother became after his death is just impossible to deal with. Because my father told me two weeks before he passed that he knew he was a bad father, but always tried his best to be a good grandfather, and he was actually great with the kids. But it's not the case with my mother. She hates the kids and they are scared. When they are babies and don't talk it's ok, but as soon as they talk she look at them as the enemy.

    I tried my best to deal with it for a long time, after my father died I took my mother with us in vacation (she ruined it every time) and did help her when she got sick, for example the last time in August 2017.Took care of her at the hospital, organized repairs at her house, took care of her pets even if I'm allergic etc.. She never said thank you and was actually criticizing everything I did. The kids were scared to go with me at the hospital: it is that bad. Since she got better I kept my distances again.

    I can't wait for my next job overseas. And I'm SO HAPPY my children have "normal grandparents": my lovely in-laws..too bad they are in the South, far away, when my biological family is actually nearby ...but I can manage to not see them for six months at a time!! Keeping my distances is the only way.
    Such a sad story! So happy you have regular in-laws, for you and the kids to know what a real family is about. I can't really give any advice, other than to keep away from those toxic people. Makes me feel especially bad for your children, they deserve a grandma, and you deserve a mom, who loves you unconditionally.

  16. Said thanks:


  17. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member Sandra3's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Sandra
    Surgery date
    01/20/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr W
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Last Activity
    06-25-2020 09:15 AM
    Location
    France
    Posts
    1,363
    Said "Thanks" 290 Times
    Was Thanked 1,067 Times in 752 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 480 Times
    Blog Entries
    62

    Default Re: Support System

    Quote Originally Posted by sraebaer View Post
    Such a sad story! So happy you have regular in-laws, for you and the kids to know what a real family is about. I can't really give any advice, other than to keep away from those toxic people. Makes me feel especially bad for your children, they deserve a grandma, and you deserve a mom, who loves you unconditionally.
    Thank you for you message my friend.
    I don't know what I deserved, but for sure didn't get it. But I wanted to give a "top of the iceberg" pic of my own story to Christina, because we are the choices we make. She is not the only one who had mean parents, but yes she can be happy anyway!

    I'm always positive, see the glass half full. I became a parent with a long list of "what not to do" based on my personal history.
    I'm now middle age, many of my friends have lost their mothers. Nice loving women that are missed. I will never know anything about missing my mother. I'm actually much better when I don't see her!

    I've reached the age where I look at the past and besides my childhood, I have/had a pretty good life. Married the right person, we were able to live overseas like we wanted, our kids liked that life and that was the most important. We have more things to do, with the right people, we have friends that are like family and I do miss them a lot when they are not around. Sometimes we just have to find our real family, I was lucky I did. And my kids got used to "only one good grandma". You don't miss what you never had.


    HW : 150 kgs
    09/02/2014 : 142 /1st apt
    01/20/2016 : 134 /surgery
    01/30/2016 : 130 /1st post-op
    02/27/2016 : 126 /2nd
    04/23/2016 : 118 /3rd
    07/16/2016 : 109 / 4th
    10/01/2016 : 103 /5th
    01/21/2017 : 98 /1 year post-op
    February 2017 : 100 lbs lost
    07/22/2017 : 96
    10/21/2017 : 93
    12/22/2017 : 91
    01/02/2018 : 96!! regain (medication)

  18. Said thanks:


  19. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christie
    Surgery date
    11/03/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Wright
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Last Activity
    09-12-2019 04:13 PM
    Posts
    5,169
    Said "Thanks" 978 Times
    Was Thanked 2,940 Times in 2,192 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 1,465 Times
    Blog Entries
    97

    Default Re: Support System

    Oh Christina I am so sorry to hear that. It is so hard when those around us aren't supportive. Especially those closest to us. It is a sort of betrayal. I know it sounds so easy to say ignore it or don't let it get to you but in reality it is hard. We have feelings. Words hurt. Especially when they come from our loved ones. I hope you find your peace.



  20. Said thanks:


  21. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christie
    Surgery date
    11/03/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Wright
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Last Activity
    09-12-2019 04:13 PM
    Posts
    5,169
    Said "Thanks" 978 Times
    Was Thanked 2,940 Times in 2,192 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 1,465 Times
    Blog Entries
    97

    Default Re: Support System

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra3 View Post
    Hey Christina,

    My dad was also a police officer. And before being in the force he was in the army. I didn't have the best childhood to say the least, and if I compare it to my husband's or even my kids, I can say I had a really awful traumatic and toxic childhood. I started working when I was in HS at 16 (nobody did that around me) and as soon as I turned 18 I left my parent's place without any regret, except not having been able to do it before that.

    Indeed that was not the end of it, and I had to deal with awful comments all the time, "you are worthless, you didn't even finish your PhD" or "I can't believe you are marrying that guy, I can't stand him, plus did you see how bad you look in that(wedding) dress" etc etc...my husband and I met in HS, when we got married, we've known each other for more than 15 years and already had 2 kids together...see, no point in being mean...I was not going to change my mind at the alter. But he couldn't help it. He had to ruin everything. Then a few minutes later my mother picked a fight with the chef at the venue...that was my wedding day..a nightmare!

    Plus my obesity was always a trigger for awful comments even if obesity comes from his very own side of the family, my dad's sisters. They have asthma, allergies and obesity, which I got all from them.

    People are awful, and we don't chose our family. But it's your life, and you are an adult and make your own choices.

    I moved out when I was 18 (after saving all my money for almost two years), and worked full time when I was a student: none of my friend around me did that, their parents paid for their studies, or they got a stipend from the government if their parents were underprivileged. But since my father made a good earning, I was not able to get financial help, so I had to work.

    Today I prefer spending time with my husband's family. We don't have to agree on everything but at least there is mutual respect. And I trust them with my children, which is not the case with my biological family.

    No wonder why we lived overseas for so long, coming back to work in Paris is always linked to some degree of "family feud" that I never start but at some point I'm always involved in it, even if I'm doing nothing and don't participate in anything!! I don't even go to family reunions but the verbal bullying can start even without me being there! then gossips follow...you know the plague?? that's my family..and when my father was killed in a car accident 12 years ago, my mother got even worth, it's like if she had to carry on the family tradition and be extra mean to compensate his absence. When she is not verbally abusing me, she is trying to do it with the kids. They don't want to see her.

    Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad and was really sad when he died. But what my mother became after his death is just impossible to deal with. Because my father told me two weeks before he passed that he knew he was a bad father, but always tried his best to be a good grandfather, and he was actually great with the kids. But it's not the case with my mother. She hates the kids and they are scared. When they are babies and don't talk it's ok, but as soon as they talk she look at them as the enemy.

    I tried my best to deal with it for a long time, after my father died I took my mother with us in vacation (she ruined it every time) and did help her when she got sick, for example the last time in August 2017.Took care of her at the hospital, organized repairs at her house, took care of her pets even if I'm allergic etc.. She never said thank you and was actually criticizing everything I did. The kids were scared to go with me at the hospital: it is that bad. Since she got better I kept my distances again.

    I can't wait for my next job overseas. And I'm SO HAPPY my children have "normal grandparents": my lovely in-laws..too bad they are in the South, far away, when my biological family is actually nearby ...but I can manage to not see them for six months at a time!! Keeping my distances is the only way.
    I am so sorry to hear that Sandra. It is so rough when your family is more of an enemy than a friend. I am glad you have a wonderful relationship with your in laws. Focus on that, your hubby, your kids, and yourself. Limit your mother and her negativity. Hugs.



  22. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member Grammy2s&c's Avatar
    I have not had a gastric sleeve.
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Last Activity
    03-19-2019 10:25 PM
    Posts
    134
    Said "Thanks" 51 Times
    Was Thanked 64 Times in 58 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 42 Times

    Default Re: Support System

    My father passed away many years ago, but I wonder what he would think of his daughter being 330lbs? He often made fun of my Mom's friend who was overweight, but certainly not as obese as I am now. I know how you must feel this coming from your father. I can only say I know how much this must hurt you and if he trueky knew and cared he wouldn't do this to you. I'm so sorry you have to endure this as I too have a family member that is not on board with the surgery. If you need someone to talk to, PM me. I will be thinking about you. Take care and let us know if we can help! Such a great place for support, as we all understand and have empathy for each other.

  23. Said thanks:


  24. #13
    sraebaer
    Guest   Change Avatar!

    Default Re: Support System

    It always blows my mind when someone thinks they are helping a large person by saying things like 'You're fat" or "You should exercise." Seriously, you don't think we know these things already? Hurtful comments just make it worse.

  25. Said thanks:


  26. #14
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieG's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Annie
    Surgery date
    10/05/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Ryan Heider
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    11-29-2020 11:18 AM
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    1,572
    Said "Thanks" 3,565 Times
    Was Thanked 1,143 Times in 760 Posts
    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 271 Times
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: Support System

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandra3 View Post
    Thank you for you message my friend.
    I don't know what I deserved, but for sure didn't get it. But I wanted to give a "top of the iceberg" pic of my own story to Christina, because we are the choices we make. She is not the only one who had mean parents, but yes she can be happy anyway!

    I'm always positive, see the glass half full. I became a parent with a long list of "what not to do" based on my personal history.
    I'm now middle age, many of my friends have lost their mothers. Nice loving women that are missed. I will never know anything about missing my mother. I'm actually much better when I don't see her!

    I've reached the age where I look at the past and besides my childhood, I have/had a pretty good life. Married the right person, we were able to live overseas like we wanted, our kids liked that life and that was the most important. We have more things to do, with the right people, we have friends that are like family and I do miss them a lot when they are not around. Sometimes we just have to find our real family, I was lucky I did. And my kids got used to "only one good grandma". You don't miss what you never had.
    This post surely speaks to the fact that we are strong people; toxic home life is way more common than TV sitcoms lead us to believe, lol.
    My mother did not want me, and made it quite clear daily in what she said, ,what she did and what she never did. My father worked away from hom, unfortunately, and my siblings were all out of the house when I was born. So sole target.

    What I learned was in hindsight, this woman did the best she could. What a sad comment on life. And what she said about me is NOT true. Her voice is no longer the loudest voice I hear (but I'm 66 and a retired mental health professional); I have wonderful friends, an amazing husband who loves me aas I am, and a solid relationship with our 6 kids and grandkids. I am NOT who she said I was. I am who I have chosen to become.

    It does get easier, in some ways. I guess in that you decide the truth he speaks in his mind is some whacko crap leftover from his own life experience.

    You've got this. And we are all in your corner.

    I'm over a year out, and other than walking, have not exercised. Its on the horizon after the holidays, but we just seem to be overly busy.

    Best to you
    [I]HW: 240 lbs SW: 199 lbs GW: 140 lbs

    1 MO = 167.0 2 MO = 156.4 3 MO = 148.4 4 MO = 140.6
    5 M) = 136.0 6 MO = 130.0
    1 YR = 122.0 2 YR = 140.00 2.5 YR = 139
    Happy with my weight; happy with my size; over-the-moon with my health!

  27. Said thanks:


Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •