Since surgery I have been doing well - physically. After the first couple of days with problems to get enough liquids in, that is now over.
But it has been a mentally rough ride. I think about food all the time I mean, I am not hungry or anything - but in general I love food, tastes, textures, smell from the food. I also love the fellowship around the meals. My thoughts has been swirling from "I will never be able to eat any kind of food again" to "how many kind of good foods with lots of protein can I possible come up with". I have been watching more series about food on Netflix than ever before....
You see, I love cooking and working with food. And I miss it, and it has been rough. I also desperately miss texture in the "food" that I can drink/zip for now. I have been planning the next 150 lunchboxes I'll bring to work when I can eat food again, like avokado with tuna, spinach balls with feta, egg muffins and cottage cheese with berries etc.
On the other hand;
I live in a country with a welfare system that has granted me six weeks of paid absence from my work, in order to heal completely from the surgery, do good food and exersice choices - and really have time to establish new habits. Today I went for a walk, actually I walked closer to 3 miles (4 km). Purposely I did not bring any headsets. I wanted time to listen to the birds and think.and I came up with a list of things I have dreamed to do, but never really hoped for - now those are my motivational goals: I want to be able to run 5K, to have enough energy to do lots of things after work - not only cook dinner and help kids with homework and their activities. I want to learn to paddle a kayak, and enjoy the outdoors as much as possible. As I walked and thought about my dreams I realized that I am the luckiest person in the world right now. I have gotten a new chance. I can live - lets say - 50 more years here on earth with a possible good health, good memories from all the activities I finally will have the energy to do - and hopefully I will have a thin body that I can fit in to clothes that I actually would want to wear! + I have the initially weeks on a paid leave to create the foundation for my new life.
Maybe it's the endorphins from the walk around the lake. But - I feel good! and I can now manage another week on fluids before I start on pureed foods in 6 days from now (PO Day14).
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