Time to be honest

[Newlife2017]

It's been quite a while since I've posted for reasons that I'm sure many can relate. It has been exactly 1 year and 10 months today since I had Gastric Sleeve surgery. I started out at 284 lbs and in June 2017 I had hit my lowest weight of 181. Today when I stepped on the scale I am now 200 lbs. Over the last 10 months, I've slowly started to gain weight. Why? I have every excuse under the sun. I've continued to go to my appointments at the Bariatric Center but in many cases, I've rescheduled appointments hoping that if I delayed it by a week or two or three, I would have lost the weight that I gained since the last appointment and my doctor or nutritionist wouldn't know. Well, guess what that never happened so I would go to my appointment and when they asked how I was doing I would be well, less than honest.

Before surgery, I was very careful not to have bread, pasta and minimized my alcohol intake. Just like the doctor and nutritionist advised. I watched my portion control, kept track to make sure I ate the right amount of protein. Prior to surgery this was easy because I was working towards a goal and I knew that if I didn't do what I was supposed to do there would be no surgery. I logged my food every day and with doing all the right things weight loss became easy. I lost 46 lbs before surgery and then another 59 lbs after.

With my success came lots of compliments of how good I looked, how proud everyone was of me, you know the drill. Well as I got closer to goal, the harder the weight came off and when it wasn't coming off, I became lazy. I stopped tracking my food, started to add the pasta, bread, potatoes and alcohol back to my daily intake. My portion sizes started to increase and even though I still can't eat as much as I used to, the stuff I put into my body still has lots more calories. With that came the slow creep of putting the weight back on. At first it was a few pounds and then I would go back to the protein shakes and the weight would come off. That was all great until December when my new job became very stressful and I quickly stopped paying attention. Because it was easier to blame my weight gain on the fact that I had a lot more stress in my life and using the excuse "I'm a stress eater".

The more I put on, the more I wanted to find an excuse instead of just being honest. I was being lazy but just didn't want to admit it. It stared out with being dishonest about how much I was putting back on. Instead of telling someone I had gained 15 I would say I gained 5. When meeting with the nutritionist and doctor, I wouldn't tell them the whole story. How many glasses of wine they'd ask, I'd say one or two a week when I could have that in a day. Eating bread they'd ask, no I don't eat bread. Those are just a few examples. So with a puzzled look, they'd ask what do you think you're doing differently? Lot's more dishonesty. I'd get through my appointment and move on. Basically just checking the box.

When I went to my recent appointment a couple of weeks ago, I was probably a little more honest than I have been in a long time. Something about that appointment changed me. The words the doctor spoke to me when I said to her that I couldn't go back to the size I was before her response to me was "the first step is that you keep coming to your appointments." She said that many people stop going because they are too embarrassed about their weight gain and that they are afraid that they are going to "get in trouble" for gaining, so the end result is they cancel their appointment and no longer go. All that work prior to and right after surgery all gone and they gain all their weight back and then some. Her words have stuck in my head. Those words kicked me in the butt. I asked myself why be dishonest with them, I'm only harming myself. Whether I'm honest or dishonest, they are still going to get their paycheck. They are there for me not me for them. When I got ready to leave my appointment, I decided instead of going back to the nutritionist in 6 months, I ask if I could go back in two weeks. Of course, was their response. So my next appointment is this coming Wednesday. I've decided I'm going to lay it out on the table. Complete honesty.

Since last Monday, I've gone back to my good habits of logging my meals, no pasta, no bread and no potatoes. Three healthy meals a day, make sure I get my protein. The one last thing, I really enjoy a good glass of wine so I haven't cut that out completely. I have cut back to just twice a week and when I went out to dinner, I had enough will power to have just water instead of a glass of wine. I know, no drinking 30 minutes before or after a meal. I need to work on that too. I also ordered a salad with chicken. No pasta or potatoes.

There's one last thing that I have to be honest about. When I was being very successful with losing weight, my husband was so proud. We've been married for over 28 years and he has loved me no matter my size and he would never think to say one negative thing to me. I did tell him after my surgery that if he saw me going back to my old ways to say something. Well there have been a couple of times that he has tried to nicely make a comment about something I ate or drinking before my meal and even though I asked him to say something I wasn't very happy with him when he did. Because of how I reacted, he no longer says anything even though I know he's thinking it. Like I said, he would never say anything to me that he thought would make me feel bad.

So, today October 20, 2018 I am determined to stop being lazy and start being honest. I need to own it. Just like I always told my kids, if you do something wrong, just own it. There is no one that is going to be affected by my dishonesty but me. I can't go back to 284 lbs. I've only gained 19 lbs so it's not too late to get back at it. I've also decided that I'm going to commit myself to going back to a support group to share what I've experienced. Those who are preparing for surgery need to know that weight loss surgery isn't an easy fix and it's still a lot of work. Especially when the weight loss slows and the compliments do too.

Let's hope that by keeping my appointments, keeping my food log and most importantly being honest, I will see the results that I am looking for. Thanks for listening/reading. I pray that I have the strength to be honest because in the end that's what's going to help me reach my goal.

[Rexcom]

Congratulations on grabbing this bull by the horns and getting back on track! Also, thank you for being so forthcoming and acknowledging the real causes of the weight regain. There are folks that won't face the truth about their regain which makes if near impossible to turn things around. Also, it can mislead others into thinking that the procedure and process itself is faulty and that there is little hope (especially when someone says they are following all the rules, all the time, and still does not lose or regains weight).
Thanks again for sharing and best wishes on your renewed commitment to a healthy and happy life!

[Stacey03]

Oh you will absolutely do this!!! 19 pounds. You got this. I appreciate you in advance :-)

[Dutchie]

Yes, you can do this!
Just go on and do it.
I will be cheering you on!
You go girl!

[AnnieG]

How wonderful you can be so totally honest and own what's happened. That's a big step towards heading back down the trail.

You've got this! We'll be cheering you on! Post often and get encouraged! And maybe tell your sweet husband you realized you werent fair in how you responded, but that you werent' ready to hear it and now you are

[SAMom]

Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it helped many of us who will face some of the same issues in the future! Good luck on your new journey. I know you’ll do great!

[Pudsley]

Thank You for taking the time to write this.

I firstly want to say how brave you are to get back on track in the way you are and you know exactly what you are doing so you will reap the rewards of success as you are focused.

I really look forward to hearing more from you.

Good Luck and Be well! I am cheering and applauding you all the way.

Very inspiring to read as I am sure we may too, be challenged further down the line.

[mellowjoy]

This is probably the most honest post I've read in a long time regarding weight gain after surgery. Your post indicates you've spent a lot of time thinking things through and analyzing what caused the weight gain and how to get back on track. You can do this. We're always going to be here to support you in this fight of weight loss/gain.

[Ann2]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this post! Good for you.

You're going to be fine. I can just tell. You've recommitted to your own self care.

I'm really tickled for you. This is going to be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ann

[Christie13]

I absolutely love your candid honesty. Too often people act as if they truly have no idea how they gained weight. I know it is not easy to talk about. But don't beat yourself up. You know what you did and now you are recommitted getting back to healthy. I absolutely believe you can get there. In the grand scheme of things 19 lbs is not that much. You can lose it before you know it. I know for me, I have to weigh myself every morning and night. It helps keep me honest. I do go up and down a few pounds but it is normal. My Danger Will Robinson trigger is when I hit 5 lbs above where I am. We are here to help you. Stay active on here. I know that this forum helps keep me in check.

[Ann2]

Chiming in again here to say I agree with Christie13.

What's great about your situation is that you are confronting specifically (for yourself and board members here) what your number(s) are. And you're holding yourself accoutnable and asking us to do so, too.

I often see here "I'm gaining weight, Help!" posts that are much vaguer ... no weight given, no hints about what's being eaten, no clue about what else is going on in their lives. Just "Help me!"

It's very hard to help anyone who doesn't provide any information about what they need help with. I know that sounds gritchy. I don't mean it to be. It's just impossible to say, "Go, girl!" and expect it will help anyone who isn't being up front with themselves about what is causing their regain.

[denzel]

Good on you for braving up, taking a real look at what was happening and why, and finally being accountable to yourself.
This is 90% of the battle.
The other 10% is utilising the resources that you have to achieve your goals.

One thing I found useful after I gained weight through Cymbalta Withdrawal Syndrome was setting mini-weight loss goals, you may find that useful as well instead of facing a daunting number.
Also on a number of other WLS forums that I am on we have a "Weigh in Wednesday", I am sure that there would be something like that on this forum as well, maybe under "Accountability" or something similar.

Wishing you all the very best.