I am three days away from surgery and am anxious, nervous, worried, second guessing myself and excited all at the same time. I've been overweight most of my adult life and would yo-yo diet and the weight would come back with a vengeance and an extra 15 lbs every time. This time was the final straw, this is the heaviest I've weighed in at 5'02 and 237 lbs (I always hear the sounds of a boxing bell when I say that). I would always jokingly say there was just more of me to love. I was told once by a friend when I lost 30 lbs the last time how beautiful and confident I was but when I gained 50 lbs back I was still beautiful but he missed that confident woman. Where did she go, he asked? I cried on the inside.
I was hiding. Hiding behind my moonlighting job as a private chef and baker. Hiding behind food and fancy dinners at home where I was in the spotlight because of my culinary skills and not because of my weight. Hiding at home.
Despite all the nervous nelly feelings, I can't wait to find her again. That confident woman. I do stress about the big things and the little things will all hopefully fall away. I have an appointment with a therapist in a couple weeks to help with my emotional eating and I am a foodie and am curious how those are going change. Look forward to trying to new recipes.
Thank you for letting me share my journey and Bon Chance!
Thanks,
K
Bookmarks