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  1. #1
    Gastric Sleeve Member stacydev's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Stacy Devenney
    Surgery date
    04/27/2015
    Surgeon
    Dr. Tuggle
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Last Activity
    09-04-2020 02:32 PM
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    Roswell, GA
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    Default OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    So, does anyone else feel anxiety and pressure to be perfect? I have been very open and honest with people at work about having VSG. A few other coworkers have now also had it done within this past year and keep coming to me for advice and help. I don't mind lending my experience, but what works for me, may not work for them. I eat pretty healthy most of the time and people at work see that I do; so I have other people asking me for help in making the right food choices and help them lose weight. Again, I don't mind offering my advice, but the anxiety I constantly feel that I'm going to gain my weight back is just overwhelming. It's hard to explain to someone who is overweight, that I constantly weigh myself and if my weight goes up a few pounds, like it has over the last month, just adds to my anxiety that I am going to fail. I can't shake this feeling and the more I stress over it; the more I want to eat.

    I've tried explaining myself to my hubs, but all he says is you look great. Ugh, that is not what I want to hear. No one understands what I am going through. Having VSG helped me get thin, but it did nothing for my mind. I still am self loathing, feeling worthless and depressed most of the time. I thought being thin; would make that all go away and it's just been worse, because of the added anxiety of people looking up to me as an inspiration.




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  3. #2
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieStillG's Avatar
    Surgery date
    10/05/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Ryan Heider
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
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    91
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Quote Originally Posted by stacydev View Post
    So, does anyone else feel anxiety and pressure to be perfect? I have been very open and honest with people at work about having VSG. A few other coworkers have now also had it done within this past year and keep coming to me for advice and help. I don't mind lending my experience, but what works for me, may not work for them. I eat pretty healthy most of the time and people at work see that I do; so I have other people asking me for help in making the right food choices and help them lose weight. Again, I don't mind offering my advice, but the anxiety I constantly feel that I'm going to gain my weight back is just overwhelming. It's hard to explain to someone who is overweight, that I constantly weigh myself and if my weight goes up a few pounds, like it has over the last month, just adds to my anxiety that I am going to fail. I can't shake this feeling and the more I stress over it; the more I want to eat.

    I've tried explaining myself to my hubs, but all he says is you look great. Ugh, that is not what I want to hear. No one understands what I am going through. Having VSG helped me get thin, but it did nothing for my mind. I still am self loathing, feeling worthless and depressed most of the time. I thought being thin; would make that all go away and it's just been worse, because of the added anxiety of people looking up to me as an inspiration.
    Oh Stacy, I feel your pain! For some of us (many?) the relationship with food is very tangled up in our relationships with family, our view of our physical appearance. And it takes some solid cognitive therapy to let go. IMHO we do not bury feeling alive; we have to take the pain out of them before they are disposed of. If cognitive therapy isn't a thing in your area, you can try a private journal. And let people respectfully know you feel you are a bit fragile in terms of health to be the sequoia they lean on!



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  5. #3
    Gastric Sleeve Member Sandra3's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Sandra
    Surgery date
    01/20/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr W
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Last Activity
    06-25-2020 09:15 AM
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    France
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Hey Stacey,

    Try to love yourself more! we all should do....think about positives things that you accomplished, there's many!

    I know it's hard...I do feel huge sometimes and I share the same kind of anxiety when I think about the way I was when I was 110 + pounds bigger...in pain all the time, sick....and people were bloody awful, even my own family.

    But knowing that the weight could come back also keeps me on my toes and that way I don't gain all the weight back!! I always try to walk more and watch my diet carefully but sometimes thinking about the past will help me put back on the platter that little extra "sweet canape" at work (I had 2 already!!! 3 is too much!).

    I would say look at you now, look at a picture of before....people do need to have people to inspire them, we all need role models....I know I get sometimes tired when people keep on talking about my weight but I try to smile and explain it's an everyday battle...telling the truth and sharing (a little) our struggle is also showing that the result is also coming from our will power...not falling from the sky...

    Take care!


    HW : 150 kgs
    09/02/2014 : 142 /1st apt
    01/20/2016 : 134 /surgery
    01/30/2016 : 130 /1st post-op
    02/27/2016 : 126 /2nd
    04/23/2016 : 118 /3rd
    07/16/2016 : 109 / 4th
    10/01/2016 : 103 /5th
    01/21/2017 : 98 /1 year post-op
    February 2017 : 100 lbs lost
    07/22/2017 : 96
    10/21/2017 : 93
    12/22/2017 : 91
    01/02/2018 : 96!! regain (medication)

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  7. #4
    Gastric Sleeve Member
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    02/02/2015
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Last Activity
    08-21-2022 11:58 AM
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    Texas
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    The pressure to not regain weight is real for everyone who has weight loss surgery. So many of us have lost, gained, lost, and gained again that we know the reality of what happens when we lose focus. Even with that reality don't try to be 100% perfect. That level of perfection is just too much pressure. Find your happy spot of perfection balanced with exercise that will maintain your weight loss.

    It's a compliment to you if people see you as a role model. That means you've done something right, you've been honest, and they value your knowledge. You may be the one person that inspires someone to change their life and get healthy.

    Congratulations on your weight loss.



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  9. #5
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Stacy, honey ... just read this:

    "I still am self loathing, feeling worthless and depressed most of the time."

    Please, find a good therapist. Find out what's underneath all your dark stuff. And through that, get healthier, happier.

    Seriously -- life is precious, and life is brief. You deserve NOT to loathe yourself or feel worthless or be depressed most of the time. You truly, really do.

    xoxoxoxoxo



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post


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  11. #6
    Gastric Sleeve Member DesertGal's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Lori
    Surgery date
    03/24/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Teng
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    04-22-2021 12:54 PM
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    It has been MANY Months since I have been on here and this was the first post I saw. I too,have been very honest and open about my surgery and have had quite a few people ask questions about it and advice on eating. I tell them I probably am not the one to ask about what foods I eat because I have had struggles in the beginning (surgery was March 2017) and I either go way overboard on counting every single iota of what goes into my mouth; to slacking off a little this past summer and eating more than I had in a year and a half.

    Prior to surgery I had so much self loathing because I had thrown in the towel regarding my health and weight and felt so damn horrible about myself. After VSG, that changed: I feel good now. I gained some weight last winter when I started eating more because I was burning more calories; all the physical activity at the gym and on my treadmill at home. (Plus, I had a pretty fun summer with weekly pool parties with my friends coming over and I ate more than I should have. Not a whole lot, but more than I would do normally). I am back to watching every morsel I put into my mouth once again and am dropping the pounds again, and you know what? I feel good about myself. I worked too hard to come this far, only to come this far. Does that make sense? My few extra pounds will go, but not my new found self esteem.

    I hope you can find some peace and solace and lose the self loathing. It was such a nice thing to lose (besides the 100+ pounds I dropped.)

    Height: 5'8"
    Highest Weight: 270 BMI 40.3
    Day of Surgery Weight: 223 / Pre-Op nutrition diet: LOST 47 pounds
    1 Month Weight: 202 (-21 lbs.) TOTAL LOST: 64 pounds
    2 Month: Weight: 188 (-14 lbs.) TOTAL LOST: 78 pounds
    6 Month Weight: 169 (-2) BMI: 25.7 TOTAL LOST: 97 pounds
    "If you can't laugh at yourself, life's going to seem a whole lot longer."

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  13. #7
    sraebaer
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Many people here swear that therapy is the best part of the program! Please find a therapist you like.

    Nobody is perfect! Get over trying to think you will be perfect. Just do the best you can and you will be fine! Best of luck to you.

    I personally don't mind being a "role model" as it keeps me accountable. I know if I gained back all my weight I would be the center of gossip. At school yesterday I got the best compliment, a lady said "I see you've kept off all your weight. How many years has it been?"

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  15. #8
    Gastric Sleeve Member Christie13's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christie
    Surgery date
    11/03/2016
    Surgeon
    Dr. Wright
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    Nov 2016
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    I am so sorry you are feeling that way. I think Ann said it best as far as getting help for your negative feelings. No one should have to feel that way. Most people do not know I have had the surgery. I just told my immediate family and 4 close friends. It has really helped me a lot. Mostly because I don't worry about anyone judging me. To me that was helpful. I give kind of canned answers when people ask about the weight loss. I do work out daily with strength training and cardio. That helps me keep my mind right. I also weigh myself daily to keep on track. I do get negative thoughts occasionally if I gain a little but right away I work to lose it. As everyone said....the fear of regain with lifelong dieters like us is strong. I really wish I could just give you a big hug. You are amazing. You are wonderful. You ARE a role model. Please don't beat yourself up. Big, big, big hugs.



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  17. #9
    Gastric Sleeve Member Stacey03's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Edie
    Surgery date
    11/07/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr Phil lockie
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    Oct 2017
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Im so sorry you are struggling. I agree a good therapist may be such a gift for yourself xxx


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  19. #10
    Gastric Sleeve Member deftonephila's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Brandy
    Surgery date
    07/27/2018
    Surgeon
    Dr. Michael Peters
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Last Activity
    07-12-2020 03:39 AM
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    Townsend, DE
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    I had this prior to getting surgery. I was doing a medically monitored weight loss program and I was doing great. I lost 90lbs, felt wonderful, was active, happy, and way thinner. Then it hit me, depression lurking in the background. I gained all of my weight back, plus some. I felt horrible, tired all the time, no motivation, I hated myself. I literally could have died the next day and gave a sh*t less.

    I was "honest" with my doctor in that I didn't tell him exactly how I was feeling, but he saw I was gaining, and gaining, and.... gaining. He referred me to a counselor. I didn't go for months, because I was like, I don't need this, but I always felt like I was in a deep, dark hole and that I couldn't get out of it. I'm a pretty bright, sunshiny person in all outward appearances, but inside I struggle like nobody's business.

    I finally decided to go. The therapy, honestly, didn't help much. I still felt the way I felt and the therapist of course did the normal therapist thing and tried to work through it with me. She was phenomenal, especially to deal with my rather dim outlook - but truth be told, the therapy did not help me at all. I already had someone to talk to, it wasn't helping. Although she gave slightly different advice, it all ended in pretty much the same thing as what my husband would say "Confront your feelings and you'll feel better. Hit them head on, remember you're a great person and beautiful inside and out." Yeah.. oooookaay! (That was my inner self).

    I was actually put on medication for major depression (I was told if the therapist would have diagnosed it any higher, I would have had to be put in the hospital for a few days). So she suggested I meet and discuss medication options with a psychiatrist. I'm not one to take medication really, I barely even take Tylenol or aspirin. But I decided something had to change. I was put on Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Lamictal. At first, it felt like nothing was changing, but after a few months - I cannot explain to you what happened but it was like a dark cloud was lifted from me. It took probably 4-6 months for things to become really clear for me and to come out, but it helped. I stayed on that regimen for another year and a half and it worked.

    Before this, I would have never referred someone to consider medication, but your story is so close to mine. When I read your post, I could literally feel those same feelings I felt years ago. Definitely seek out a therapist, talk it out. If you feel that is not working, try the medication. I will warn you, the side effects are annoying. I would sweat profusely and I was a little lethargic at times, but overall they made a difference.

    Everyone is different. Everyone struggles in one way or another. Don't feel like less just because you are going through a rough patch. You are you. You are no one else. You go through things how YOU go through them. But do know that there are people, even complete strangers like myself, who care about you. But at the end of the day, the only person who can make a change is you. You will when you're ready.




  20. #11
    Gastric Sleeve Member
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Surgery date
    01/09/2017
    Surgeon
    Almanza
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    10-12-2018 04:44 PM
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    great post

  21. #12
    Gastric Sleeve Member AnnieG's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Annie
    Surgery date
    10/05/2017
    Surgeon
    Dr. Ryan Heider
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Last Activity
    11-29-2020 11:18 AM
    Location
    NC
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    Said "Welcome to Gastric Sleeve" 271 Times
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Quote Originally Posted by deftonephila View Post
    I had this prior to getting surgery. I was doing a medically monitored weight loss program and I was doing great. I lost 90lbs, felt wonderful, was active, happy, and way thinner. Then it hit me, depression lurking in the background. I gained all of my weight back, plus some. I felt horrible, tired all the time, no motivation, I hated myself. I literally could have died the next day and gave a sh*t less.

    I was "honest" with my doctor in that I didn't tell him exactly how I was feeling, but he saw I was gaining, and gaining, and.... gaining. He referred me to a counselor. I didn't go for months, because I was like, I don't need this, but I always felt like I was in a deep, dark hole and that I couldn't get out of it. I'm a pretty bright, sunshiny person in all outward appearances, but inside I struggle like nobody's business.

    I finally decided to go. The therapy, honestly, didn't help much. I still felt the way I felt and the therapist of course did the normal therapist thing and tried to work through it with me. She was phenomenal, especially to deal with my rather dim outlook - but truth be told, the therapy did not help me at all. I already had someone to talk to, it wasn't helping. Although she gave slightly different advice, it all ended in pretty much the same thing as what my husband would say "Confront your feelings and you'll feel better. Hit them head on, remember you're a great person and beautiful inside and out." Yeah.. oooookaay! (That was my inner self).

    I was actually put on medication for major depression (I was told if the therapist would have diagnosed it any higher, I would have had to be put in the hospital for a few days). So she suggested I meet and discuss medication options with a psychiatrist. I'm not one to take medication really, I barely even take Tylenol or aspirin. But I decided something had to change. I was put on Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Lamictal. At first, it felt like nothing was changing, but after a few months - I cannot explain to you what happened but it was like a dark cloud was lifted from me. It took probably 4-6 months for things to become really clear for me and to come out, but it helped. I stayed on that regimen for another year and a half and it worked.

    Before this, I would have never referred someone to consider medication, but your story is so close to mine. When I read your post, I could literally feel those same feelings I felt years ago. Definitely seek out a therapist, talk it out. If you feel that is not working, try the medication. I will warn you, the side effects are annoying. I would sweat profusely and I was a little lethargic at times, but overall they made a difference.

    Everyone is different. Everyone struggles in one way or another. Don't feel like less just because you are going through a rough patch. You are you. You are no one else. You go through things how YOU go through them. But do know that there are people, even complete strangers like myself, who care about you. But at the end of the day, the only person who can make a change is you. You will when you're ready.
    As a cautionary note regarding meds -- be sure your psychiatrist has an end plan for you; do not just pile on med after med, because they really don't deal with the underliers, just the symptoms.

    Yes, chemical mental health issues are true -- I have had MDD (major depressive disorder) my whole life, and I come from a bipolar family, which thank goodness I dodged. But I have been on meds (usually no more than 2) for many years. After a hospitalization, I ended up on 5 and had to have an intervention with my PCP because I was hallucinating and calling 911 to report I had been kidnapped. Totally whacked out on configuration of meds.

    I would also suggest looking into a class or book on self-compassion. It's not a really heavy idea, but its very enlightening.

    Glad you are feeling better We all bring a great deal of old stuff on this new journey.
    [I]HW: 240 lbs SW: 199 lbs GW: 140 lbs

    1 MO = 167.0 2 MO = 156.4 3 MO = 148.4 4 MO = 140.6
    5 M) = 136.0 6 MO = 130.0
    1 YR = 122.0 2 YR = 140.00 2.5 YR = 139
    Happy with my weight; happy with my size; over-the-moon with my health!

  22. #13
    Gastric Sleeve Member Loveangel104's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Christina
    Surgery date
    08/28/2018
    Surgeon
    Dr. George Fielding
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Last Activity
    04-07-2020 04:46 PM
    Location
    Brooklyn, NY
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    87
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    Blog Entries
    1

    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Stacy,
    I don't think I can say it any better than anyone else on here already has. A few things:
    1st: I want to thank you for this post. Thank you for being brave and admitting you are still feeling this way.
    2nd: The idea of therapy is a good one. I would look into it if I were you.
    3rd: I'm terrified I will feel the same way. I have been full of these same feelings almost my whole life. As the weight has come off, I have eased on feeling this way, but I am petrified these feelings will come back.
    4th: I have been on medication for bipolar disorder since I was 16 years old. Unfortunately, it and depression runs in my family. Early on in my mental health journey, I was on a combination of risperdal and lithium, and I have been told that excess medicine is stored in the fat. My worry is that as I lose the weight, I will feel the side effects of the drug releasing in my system again. I hope that doesn't happen and the information I have been given is incorrect, because they have NASTY side effects.

    Hang in there. We're here if you need us.
    ~*~Christina~*~



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  24. #14
    Gastric Sleeve Member Ann2's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Ann2
    Surgery date
    08/18/2014
    Surgeon
    n.a.
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Missouri
    Posts
    6,630
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    Blog Entries
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Stacy ... how are you doing, girl?

    I've been thinking of you lately.

    Ann



    Consult: 235 lbs
    My and doc's preop diet: 216 -19 lbs
    M1 postop 205 -30
    M2 193 -42
    M3 184 -51
    M4 174 -61
    M5 167 -68
    M6 162 -73
    M7 156 -79
    M8 151 -84
    M9 148 -87
    M10 146 -89
    M11 144 -91
    M12 143 -92
    M13 142 -93
    M14 140 -95
    M15 139 -96
    M16 137 -98
    M17 135 -100

    First Surgiversary post

    Second Surgiversary post

    Third Surgiversary post

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  26. #15
    Gastric Sleeve Member stacydev's Avatar
    I have had a gastric sleeve.
    Name
    Stacy Devenney
    Surgery date
    04/27/2015
    Surgeon
    Dr. Tuggle
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Last Activity
    09-04-2020 02:32 PM
    Location
    Roswell, GA
    Posts
    235
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    Default Re: OMG - I am NOT a role model!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ann2 View Post
    Stacy ... how are you doing, girl?

    I've been thinking of you lately.

    Ann
    Aw, thanks Ann. I've been doing ok. I think reading the comments on here and knowing I'm not alone has helped me get through one of my more depressive states. I've been doing research on different types of depression disorders and while I don't think I'm full on bipolar; I feel like I do go through manic episodes where I'm really low and feeling worthless to where I am right now in a really high point. I'm trying to be more aware of what starts me on a downward spiral. I don't know if I should go to the doctor about it.

    I've tried therapy before and just did not like it. That was before surgery, so I have been looking for someone who specializes in WLS patients. I have also been on mood enhancing drugs before and didn't notice any difference being on them. I would rather not take medication. I'm going to continue to monitor my moods and see if I notice a pattern. If I can find a therapist; this will probably help them in determining if I do have some kind of depression disorder. But for now, I come here for support and it does help to read other people's stories and know that I'm not alone. Thank you all for caring. This is a tight-knit community and I'm so glad I found it.



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