Hearing you and holding you in my heart and thoughts.
For me a recent fifteen pound gain meant that not only did I stop using my tool, I also stopped eating mindfully, stopped eating protein first, stopped taking vitamin supplements, stopped regular exercise, stopped water intake, stopped participating in this community and I started eating more high-calorie in form of fast and convenience foods. As I reflect, many circumstances have transpired, some good and some not. I can tell you both took a toll. But what I believe has been the most damaging to me was watching reactions of some non-sleevers on my weight loss, as well as hearing comments they made like “you are melting away”; “can’t recognize you”; “you look so different”; “what’s your secret”... I am still processing how all this allowed me to let my guard down. But when my own mother who was a primary commentator said to me last week, “It’s only a few pounds” after I said that my pants were fitting tights around the waist. It was the weird energy that I got from the comment that made me realize that I let my guard down to appease others threatened by my physical changes.
After being an active participant in this forum, where I drew strength from in my early journey. I had to put it in the back burner because of other demands in my life. I believe I have a tight-knit circle of friends in my life, women I can share most of my fears and dreams, but I just cannot seem to talk about my weight loss surgery with them. Most of them while physically healthy struggle with body image. I realized I need this forum, I need all of you in my life.
Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable, thank you for being here.
You did a brave and amazing thing and there is nothing to feel shame about.
Sending you immense love.
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